The Diary

04 March 2008: And So To Wednesday, On A Tuesday!

It?s certainly been a busy time for me, today. Not only did I have a meaningful pow-wow with the nice solicitor chappie ? an avid Baggie, too, which is something of a bonus ? this morning, but there was also a visit from the first of a series of removal firms, all of whom will be running a practiced eye over our house, plus contents, over the course of the next few days, before coming up with a decent quote for the job. Well, that?s the theory.

Having had the good fortune to have landed the Legal Baggie to handle the conveyancing, it does have the not-unpleasant knock-on effect of making appointments with such people a far more pleasant undertaking than having to put up with an almost-incomprehensible stream of legal jargon, most of which ends up getting rejected by my brain and is then forcibly spat out by rebellious neurons into the Great Unknown where all the tedious school stuff ? aw, you know, trigonometry and algebra, all Latin grammar, French verbs, both passive and active ? gravitated years before.

When I saw the guy towards the end of last week, whole chunks of our business revolved around pleasant memories of our two-season spell in the Third Division, which, apart from all the angst that goes with being in a part of the Football League you never thought you?d see for real, involved some of the greatest fun a football supporter could ever wish for on an away trip.

During that time, it was very much par for the course to see most other clubs in the same division, pound signs going ?ker-ching!? right before their lustful eyes, moving their own supporters elsewhere to accommodate the needs of our travelling faithful. Even better was the reign of Ossie Ardiles, when away wins were achieved with both considerable panache, and monotonous regularity, and culminating in our successful Wembley Play Off Final trip, of course.

Ah, happy days ? and it was only the fact that ?yer man? had another client slotted in to see him shortly, that eventually brought a somewhat abrupt halt to our nostalgic reminiscences. What with having a GP with a similar love of football, albeit one with the Witton End persuasion very much in mind, and now this bloke, it would seem that the gods have smiled upon me, when it comes to serious dealings with professional people.

Anyway, after a quick natter about Saturday?s win, I handed over all the paperwork we?d had to complete over the weekend, and their receptionist handed back our passports, but not before struggling to communicate with a spotty youth clearly needing urgent legal assistance to rid himself of the taint of some criminal matter or other. Judging from the numerous rifts and hillocks adorning the lunar surface that some would call his face, I had no doubt whatsoever that he would cite terminal eczema in mitigation of whatever legal sin he had committed. I could only hope that the magistrates would have their ?sympathetic head? on for this one: I kid you not, when it came to sheer ugliness, this guy was right up there with scary former Seal, and one-time Albion custodian, Nigel Spink.

And then there was the removal chappie. Having not had the dubious pleasure of having to shift personal possessions from A to B since around 1990, I?d assumed that the entire process would consist of amassing a load of cardboard boxes, tea-chests, and the like in some handy corner, then getting the chosen firm?s lorry to actually transport the stuff.

And my views were also coloured quite considerably by letting my youthful mind assimilate an early 1960?s comedy hit for Bernard Cribbins called ??Right?, said Fred?. This told the unhappy tale of how a couple of what would now be called ?cowboys? tried to shift an unspecified awkwardly-shaped (and not very robust, when ?push? literally came to ?shove?!)item of furniture. Think in terms of what happened when Messrs. Laurel and Hardy tackled the very same subject in a justly-famous 1930?s comedy film, and you?ll get the general idea.

But it?s all quite different, now, apparently. Not only can these guys be trusted to carry your Ming vases to where they need to go without catastrophe, they?ll also supply boxes in which clothes can be literally hung up inside, thereby cutting out an awful lot of the ?embuggeration factor? prevalent in such activities. And, in the most hi-tech of modern touches, they even give you a DVD explaining the whole process, and what they can do to sugar the pill considerably. Blimey ? they?ll be telling me next that you can obtain a university degree in the subject. Or am I miles behind the times on that, as well?

Back to the football, then, and Tuesday?s Hillsbrough jaunt. But first, a quick word about Deano and Chris Brunt who both made the Championship Team of the Week. Chris Brunt?s inclusion I can understand: the guy is, without doubt, one of the best and most effective crossers of the ball I?ve ever seen in an Albion player. But Deano? ?Erratic? is the picture I?d most likely pen for the benefit of the judges, these days, although it must be said that we saw very little of the kamikaze spirit he showed against Hull, last Saturday. Still, it?s all a matter of opinion, is football - or so they tell me. Every player with a little more talent than the rest will have his allies and detractors. Sometimes they genuinely manage to get it right.

As for poor Tex, stretchered off early on Saturday, it now looks very much as though his absence might be longer than first thought. The club?s medical people are still to arrive at a definitive diagnosis of the knee problem that gave him so much grief, last weekend. The latest is that he?s still awaiting a scan, although I can?t believe that with all the resources of specialist private attention available to the club, they haven?t already done something to resolve the matter.

I?m also assuming that after his absence from the Pymouth three-pointer, the name ?Kev Phillips? will be once more be added to tomorrow night?s team-sheet. His participation will probably not extend to the entire 90 minutes, though: if he does play, expect an early second-half subbing. Unless that injury of his proves to be completely incapacitating. Until just before Sunday evening?s potentially season-defining FA Cup encounter with Bristol Rovers, of course. Morrison? Poised to return after a bout of tendonitis, apparently, but probably won?t get any further than the bench. My thought is that Mogga will go for the line-up that started on Saturday, bar the wounded little soldier they call Tex, of course, and with Hungarian weaver of round ball magic Gera taking his place.

But hang on a mo ? some late news just come in. The Times reckon Kev WILL be starting tomorrow night?s game, for sure. Mind you, it being one of the Murdoch stable of publications, albeit one with a world-famous reputation, admittedly, just how accurate will their information prove to be?

There is an Albion connection, by the way. Both Ronnie Wallwork, now fully recovered from his stomach stab wounds, thankfully, and Steve Watson (currently injured - see below) now feature regularly for the Owls, who perch so precariously atop their Championship pen these days. The irony of a club of their standing finding themselves in 22nd place must have ceased to be funny a long time ago, I would guess.

And as if a miserable season wasn?t enough, they?re also plagued by injury and suspension. Gaffer Brian Laws reckons he?ll probably get Jermaine Johnson, injured at Oakwell last weekend, back in harness in time for tomorrow night?s game, but there still remains an element of doubt about Wade Small, also an Oakwell casualty. He?ll have a fitness-test before any final decision is made. More likely to be missing from the ranks, however, is Peter Gilbert, a grotty groin sufferer. Derby loan midfield player Adam Bolder starts a 2-game ban tomorrow night, so will be completely out of it as well.

Bristol City loanee Enoch Showunmi is expected to resume his partnership with Marcus Tudgay: a very convenient time for the lad to get his loan period extended, it has to be said. Their remaining list of long-term lame and sick is absolutely horrendous, thereby proving irrefutably the maxim that when you?re really struggling, so is your luck in these matters. Akpo Sodje is to undergo ankle surgery this week, and Laws is still without former Baggie Steve Watson (hamstring), Francis Jeffers, Frank Simek (both ankle), Etienne Esajas (foot) and Leon Clarke (knee). Blimey ? are they sponsored by BUPA, I wonder?

No room for sentimentality, here. Whatever Wednesday?s current multiplicity of woes, it?s absolutely crucial that we get our noses in front, and as early in the proceedings as possible, preferably. As I argued yesterday evening, our rivals do have some awkward fixtures of their own to contend with. Succeed, and we?ll greatly build upon the good work resumed on Saturday: not only that, buoyed up by the addition of another three points to the collection, our Cup confidence would undoubtedly soar to near-Himalayan levels.

Mind you, what with the current prevalence of Ish Miller And His Eye-Wateringly-Luminous Boots in opposition penalty boxes, plus the recent emergence of similar Glowing Footwear Monstrosities from Alby and Luke Moore, and it could well be heavy-duty sunglasses we?ll all be needing, should we manage to make further Cup progress!

Years ago, the Chinese saying ?May you live in interesting times? was primarily intended as an insult, albeit one that would no doubt give the average Dingle considerable neurological and intellectual grief trying to tease out the nub of it. We?re now on the verge of giving that well-known maxim a new-found change of role, Black Country-style, and one much more appropriate to our current circumstances, too. Come on, Mister Homer ? how would they pronounce it in Lower Gornal, should we somehow contrive to pass both tests? I think we should be told!

And Finally?. One. No Miller in charge this time round, thank the Lord. Premiership whistler Andy D?Urso is tomorrow?s referee, while, as I mentioned the other day, The Accursed One will be ruining the prospects of next Sunday?s FA Cup opponents, Bristol Rovers.

Hillsbrough will make a somewhat pleasant change from D?Urso?s last appointment, Sunday?s televised QPR v Stoke City game, I suspect. ?PULIS IS FUMING OVER REF JUSTICE? screamed banner headlines in my Daily Mirror sports section this morning: stifling many sniggers at birth, I then learned how near Stoke?s gaffer came to total meltdown in his post-match Press conference at Loftus Road. And all because the aforementioned whistler showed a straight red card to Stoke skipper Andy Griffin for what he perceived to be a nasty two-footed challenge on QPR?s Hogan Ephraim, subsequently reducing them to ten men, of course. Oh dear, how sad, what a pity ? never mind.

OK, Pulis. Now YOU know what it?s like to suffer refereeing grief you don?t think you deserve. And, whatever the real truth of the matter ? there is some bitter dispute still in progress concerning whether Griffin?s intentions were innocent of malice, or not, apparently, so expect Stoke to appeal - what a pleasant surprise to find, in D?Urso, someone sufficiently strong enough to tell over-presumptuous gaffers like Pulis where to get off. Managers too loose and free with tactics hinging upon what some might call ?pub player level? football are nothing but a blight upon the beautiful game. The man should get a medal. D?Urso, I mean, not Pulis.

Two?. WHAT SUPERBOB?S DOING NOW HE?S RETIRED. (This column?s first in what promises to be a lengthy series?.)

Coo ? he really is a versatile chappie, is Our Bob. Most ex-pros not wanting to go down the management route content themselves with media/PR work, or managing pubs and/or restaurants, once they?ve hung up their boots for good. But not Supes, it would seem. In last Sunday?s Observer, I discovered him to be the managing director, for England, of massive German-based energy company E.On! Is there no end to this man?s talents, I ask myself?

Three? Poor Curtis Davies. You?ve all heard of the so-called ?Curse Of The Mummy?s Tomb?, haven?t you? Well the former Baggie lad has now discovered an unpleasant little ?something? that must run it pretty close, in my reckoning. ?The (Fishy?) Curse Of O?Neill?s Dressing Room?, anyone?

After becoming part of the Witton Lane persuasion at the start of the season, there?s now news that pretend-loanee Curtis has gone and ruptured his Achilles tendon while playing for the claret-and-spew, and won?t be in the frame again for at least 7 months. By which time we?ll be playing Premier League football, hopefully. Any chance of a quick burst of that Edith Piaf classic: ?Je Ne Regrette Rien?, Curtis? No, I didn?t think so either.

 - Glynis Wright

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