The Diary

02 February 2008: Will Clarets Make Us Blue, Blue?

It?s on frost-sparkling nights like this that I really do envy our chums in Oz. While we in Blighty sit frowsting around our living-room fires, chucking a Dingle or three on to roast, occasionally, across the wide blue briny, our Antipodean brethren are all hightailing it out of town, heading for the nearest beach (difficult, sure, if you live in Alice Springs, right in the middle of the Red Centre, but soddit ? you know what I mean!), there to splash around to their heart?s content.

Great White Sharks permitting, of course: the species bearing the Latin monicker alex fergusoni is among the most predatory in the entire marine kingdom, so I?m told. Oh ? and our chums will be in the business of chucking a few raw prawns onto the barbie while they?re there, too. Nice work if you can get it, Blue. Correct me if I?m wrong, cobbers, but doesn?t a large quantity of Fosters also have a smidgeon more than a cameo role to play in all this?

That?s why you?ll permit me more than a little honest-to-God green-eyed envy as I sit typing this thing: outside, the thermometer?s long since dropped below freezing-point, the gritters are out, and driving winds and snow have all conspired to give the far North of England quite a dusting over. Even our intellectually-challenged tabby tom has given up searching for rats terminally thicker than he, in favour of plonking his stripy carcass by our gas fire.

Oh ? and my older sister?s scars are itching like crazy, too, a sure-fire indicator that winter is about to descend upon the West Midlands with an almighty ?crash? of plummeting mercury, if ever there was one. And I?m not talking about Queen?s long-deceased front man, either. Bob Geldof had the right idea, when someone recently asked him what his greatest wish was: his reply was that he?s quite like it if someone could tow this country 300 miles further south, and then we might just enjoy more reasonable winter climes. And I?m not going to argue. I hate bloody snow and ice. Period.

As we?ve been spared most of the white stuff, it?s fair to assume our game won?t be affected tomorrow, but for a goodly few of the lower-league sides, who can?t afford undersoil heating, tomorrow might well bring a pitch inspection, closely followed by the host club regretfully calling the whole thing off. I say ?regretfully? because even when the prevailing clime promises naught but blue skies and a spring-like ambience, most of these outfits live pretty close to the financial edge. Chuck in a last-minute postponement through inclement weather as well, and the knock-on effects for cash-flow percolating through the old biscuit tin can quite easily prove disastrous.

Assuming all systems are ?go? for our game, then, what of tomorrow? Well. for starters, the day we take on the collective Lancashire might of Burnley also happens to be His Nibs?s birthday. Being the amenable little soul I am, I won?t go into specifics, but how does two years short of the ?Big Five-Oh? grab you? Hur hur. It certainly doesn?t him ? my noisy sister didn?t half wind him up earlier tonight, poor, decrepit, old sod ? so any additional input on a similar theme from any source before, during or after the game will be more than welcome. I?ll just stand there and giggle my bloody head off: true payback for all the times he?s wound me up about my age.

But enough, enough. As you?ve all seen, no doubt, we?ve been proactive in the transfer market on the last day, securing the services of Ish Miller on a permanent basis, 900K being the asking price for a 3.5 year deal, apparently ? important to get that one sorted, as after the deadline, he could have walked ? also (most important of all, in my view) grabbing ourselves a half-decent keeper to act as cover (a metaphorical kick up the backside, also?) for Deano: some memorable flashes of brilliance apart, his kicking and timing haven?t exactly been of the best, of late.

The new guy?s name is Michal Danek: he comes packing 6 ft 4 ins, and he knows Roman Bednar from the time they were U20?s in the Czech national side together. You won?t be too surprised to know that the moment the lad put pen to paper, Mogga assigned Bednar as his mentor, just to get him through those awkward first days in a new workplace with the minimum disruption possible.

Sensible, as it would appear he can?t speak English at all. We all remember our first ever day in gainful employment, don?t we? There?s the complete change of environment to take in, new situations, new procedures, new people ? and, in this lad?s case, a completely foreign language to get his head around as well. Not easy. Now comes the ?crash course?, bog-standard players? swearwords being among the first things he picks up, I shouldn?t wonder! Given the language thing, I don?t expect to see him displace Deano tomorrow ? but should our first choice lad not get his act together quickly, then the medium-term outlook might end up radically different.

Now for the deal that was so late going through, it nearly shot past my roving eye completely. Kim Do Heon is now a Baggie, he?s South Korean, and we secured his services only after obtaining a work permit for the guy. All jokes about feeding him roast canine for a pre-match meal are definitely off. I don?t tolerate pain very well, and The Fart, a longstanding dog-lover himself, has a pretty vicious right hook. He?s here on loan until the end of the season: more than that, I know not. No doubt I can get up to speed on all the sordid details tomorrow.

The fourth Baggie new bod? It would seem Mogga wheeled his supermarket trolley right back to Scotland for this one. Graham Dorran is his name, and he hails from Scottish League outfit Livingston. Now comes the twist: the lad will only join us once the current season?s over. A kind of ?prenuptial agreement?, if you like. A pretty odd arrangement, and not one I?ve ever encountered before. Well, not with Albion, to the best of my knowledge and belief. But as Mogga seems to know the Scottish League like the back of his hand ? as he ought, given the amount of time he?s spent managing there ? I?m sure he?ll turn out to be an asset.

Burnley? They haven?t let the grass grow under their feet during the course of the last month, either. The Clarets come to our place having grabbed one-time goal machine Andy Cole from Sunderland: their other signing, that of young midfielder Mark Randall from Arsenal, is on a loan basis until the end of term.

Whatever their provenance, it looks very much as though both will feature tomorrow. Whether they?ll toast their bums on the bench, or get an actual start, remains to be seen. The lad they all quietly rate, Kyle Lafferty, won?t be featuring tomorrow: he?s on the last leg of a four-game ban. Also out will be Clarke Carlisle, who has a hamstring problem. Must be a bad one: tomorrow will be his sixth game in ?dry dock? on the bounce.

Robbie Blake will need careful policing. He?s netted in no less than three of their last three games: no Preston-type snoozing at the back, tomorrow, chaps! And, looking at the opposite side of the coin, I?m sure everyone will give a nice big round of applause to The Beast, who appeared for us between the sticks so many times in the past. A genuinely likeable bloke, when off the pitch, as both The Fart and I found when we interviewed him for GD, a few seasons ago. Banter, please, not spiteful abuse: there is a clear difference. The Beast?s a nice guy and doesn?t deserve it. OK? In their current gaffer, former St. Johnstone head honcho Owen Coyle, who moved southwards from the Scottish League quite some time after our own man did, tomorrow?s game might well prove to be a ?meeting of minds? for Mogga. Our gaffer certainly rates him, given the fact Coyle took the unfashionable Scottish First Division side as far as the semi-final of the Scottish Cup.

And from what he said on the club website, it would appear that as far as their respective footballing philosophies go, they might as well be cloned from the very same germ cell. Both worship at the altar of attacking football ? a bit of a novelty for your average Burnley side, that, but what the hell ? and it comes over clarion clear that total respect is mutual. As ?yer man? quite rightly pointed out, Burnley are on a bit of a run at the moment. They?re currently a respectable eighth in the heap, just outside the positions that matter, and have an excellent record on the road, having won seven this term. Mogga also thinks they?ll come out with all guns blazing, as per Cardiff City. If they do, we might well have problems.

As far as Kev Phillips is concerned, the pointers all seem to indicate he?s over the calf problem that kept him out of the side that traveled to Deepdale in midweek, but nowhere can I find a categorical ?yes, he will be in the starting eleven?. Whether the ambiguity is intentional or not, I wouldn?t like to say, but Mogga, honest as ever, says that he always leaves the final decision up to the player himself. And I?ve no doubt that Kev, being the complete professional that he is, wouldn?t tear the backside out of being placed in such a position of trust by his gaffer. If Mogga?s happy for him to have the final word on the matter, then that?s OK by me.

The above observations apart, I don?t anticipate too many other changes from our midweek defeat. But what of the referee appointed to oversee this important clash? As we?ve already seen to our cost, having failed to draw a decent whistler from the pool can be something of an infuriating, if not downright costly, exercise for all concerned.

Bearing that in mind, I took my tapping little fingers straight to the Football League website, which tells me tomorrow?s referee will be Mr. M.S. Pike. Not a name that springs readily to mind, so maybe ? just maybe ? we might have copped for a half-decent whistler, this time round. Linos? G.C. Law and N. Radford, with N. Hobbis the fourth official.

Now for the bit you all love to bits: where is Mister Miller, today? Congratulations, Bury and MK Dons! You have won the star prize! Just don?t forget to be ecologically responsible, supporters of both sides: when you all get ready to tear him to shreds, after the final whistle, do be a love, and put all the soggy bits in the nearest litter bin, after you?ve done. A surfeit of decaying nitrogenous matter strewn around doesn?t do a lot for most pitches. OK?

And Finally?.. It being ?Im Indoors?s birthday, and we former Dick Eds having invited a couple of exiled-abroad Baggies to sup with us in the Vine pub after the game, a hot time should be enjoyed by all, I reckon. Their curries and tandooris are certainly something to write home about. Not that I?ll be indulging, sadly: because of all the digestive trouble I?ve been experiencing recently, I?ll have to think up a half-decent Plan B! Cheese and onion flavour Walkers, anyone?

 - Glynis Wright

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