The Diary

26 January 2008: A Busy, Busy, Baggie Week For Both Of Us.

Greetings, again. And nicely in time for us to go on the FA Cup road, tomorrow, to London Road, Peterborough, in fact. Not a strange one for both The Fart and myself, mind: we both made the two-hour trek courtesy Baggies Travel for our League Cup game there, back in the fag-end of last summer, but my other half will find the place a tad different: the last time he went there was back in our Third Division days!

Wow, what a week it?s been, here at Chez Wright, and not necessarily for all the right reasons, either. Did any of you see that newspaper article asserting that last Monday was officially the worst of the entire year for depressives? Partly to do with the prevalence of Seasonal Affective Disorder, apparently, but even so, it?s still Grotsville. And should you want documentary evidence, we, dear reader, can supply proof in heaps that this is in fact the case.

All this happened last Monday: Number One. When I got up, and made ready to go to the ground, to meet The Fart for ticket-buying purposes, I suddenly realised that I lacked one essential item. ?Im Indoors?s stilecard: he hadn?t left it for me, a fact which I quickly confirmed over the phone to him. This brought about a series of frantic phone calls: to The Fart?s place, to try and grab him before he set out ? I didn?t, so his missus tried his mobile instead. Switched off, as it normally is, so I thought about it a little, then had a brainwave ? ring the club shop and try to grab a friendly face there, then get him/her to pass on the word. I did manage to get hold of a nice chap who knew The Fart by sight, happily, and promised to help in my hour of need.

Later, I got a bell from The Fart ? who had gone to the Ticket Office, and (I think had got my message) ? to say that seat tickets were practically sold out for Peterborough. As per my other half?s suggestion, I asked Tel to drop his card off at our place (we were also getting for Preston and Barnsley). His Nibs would leave work early, and we?d sort everything later on, before the place closed.

And that?s when I stuffed up: in the mistaken belief El Tel had already secured his Peterborough ticket, I neglected to get one for him. Result? Panic-stricken phone call to his place the following day, and the horrible realisation that, in fact, he hadn?t. Eeek! Tel was about as near to swearing at me as he could possibly get, and, in some ways, I wouldn?t have blamed him. Whoops! I offered to go to the ground that very moment and sort it out ? I was positively dripping guilt from every pore, by then ? but The Fart said he?d sort it himself. What could I do, but to apologise profusely? In my defence, I would like to point out that it?s the very first time I?ve ever screwed up in over 16 years of buying tickets for the four of us!

Add to that the fact that the estate agents rang us that very same Monday to inform we two that neither of those prospective buyers they showed around while we were sweating buckets at the Cardiff game fancied taking their interest any further. Yes ? it was a real sod of a Monday, so the newspapers genuinely got it right! All I want to know now is ? erm - who the hell can we sue?

There was better to be had the following day, though. Question: what do I and Her Maj both have in common? Most certainly not a love of Albion, although it might do her (and her po-faced family) no end of good to mix it with the Brummie, once in a while, and boing like a good ?un every time we score. How she?d hang on to her crown whilst taking part in such decadent behaviour, I haven?t quite figured out, as yet, and I?m sure Phil The Greek wouldn?t mince his words when it comes to the shortcomings of our local rivals ? Naval types are always the worst when it comes to such things ? but that?s beside the point!

No, the activity I share with our country?s finest is that of owning an iPod, which we now do. When it came, I expected to see something around the size of a mobile phone ? but nope. Less than credit-card size, I reckon, and about as slim. How the hell do you fit so many tracks into such a tiny space? Yeah, I know, microcircuit wizardry, but please remember that when I was a kid, computers were the size of a large room, belonged to the Army, or similar, and attended to by eggheads in white coats, all of whom were sworn to secrecy.

Amazing, considering the way I used to look askance at pasty-faced kids listening to the things on public transport, but once my beloved shoved the earpieces into my lugholes, and told me to listen ? well, I had no choice, really - I was converted on the spot. All the tracks we both like, and, just to make it even more interesting, on ?shuffle?, too. It?s like Forest Gump?s celebrated box of chocolates: you never really know what you?re going to get next. A confirmed technophobe I may be, mind, but I?m not half as bad as John Homer: his missus tells me he still insists upon sticking with a dial-up internet connection, and is only now a relatively new convert to the joys of mobile phone ownership! Cor, you should have heard her on about it before the Cardiff game! Mind you, if I could convert The Fart to committing all his fave West End musical songs to iPod, that really would be a feather in my cap!

A good giggle was had by the pair of us on Tuesday, watching The Arse meet their Waterloo versus Spurs. Come on ? how many times do you get to see them concede five in ANY game, never mind a cup tie? Oh, what fun, as the fifth hit the rigging at the back, close to full-time. Sure, it was Arsenal reserves, out there, effectively, but that doesn?t detract too much from what was a real Schadenfreude job!

As for Wednesday night, His Nibs would rather forget it ever happened. The Bulls were away to Chesterfield, in a televised League game: conditions awful, quite frankly, but that wasn?t all of the story. So were Hereford. Quite awful, I mean. They fell behind very early ? shades of Cardiff there ? to an absolute gift of a strike, the fault for which lay at the hands of their dozy ex-Dingles defender, whose backpass to his keeper was way, way short. Well, it was all they needed, wasn?t it? Very soon after that, Chesterfield doubled their lead, their third being down to rank bad defending on the part of the Bulls.

Turner had had ?words in ears? at half-time, apparently, but those proved about as ineffective as mammaries on a bull, any Bull, bovine or human. In injury time, the home side did it again, courtesy of an absolute screamer of a 25-yard effort that even Gordon Banks wouldn?t have stopped, one-eyed or otherwise. My conclusion? If they play like that against Cardiff, this coming Sunday, I can see myself giving their keeper a lend of my super-strong back pills! Yes ? as if one dose of FA Cup footie wasn?t enough, we?re going to Edgar Street for another repeat prescription the day after that! My sympathies to the Hereford supporters, mind: their ticket distribution for this game was a complete and utter shambles, it really was. Rumour has it that one punter was allowed to purchase no less than 35 tickets at one go. One of these days, they?ll actually get it right.

Onto Thursday evening, with the prospect of something much more pleasant in sight. Off we went to Sutton Branch, where their guest for the night was none other than Jeff Farmer, former Express and Dingle hack, back in the days of The King, Bomber Brown et. al, now an Albion director, for his multitudinous sins. And, before the meeting started, did we hear right, when one of the bar staff said to Andy (he of the gargantuan fag habit) that he was ?well known? at Sutton Branch?s new home! Indeed, the bar staff greet him as keenly as if he were a regular, which can?t be the case, as he lives in Brum! ?But he?s always first out, mind?..? said our informant, helpfully, in between pulling pints!

Once more, the same old problem had cropped up, viz: Main Branch having a similar meeting that very same night, to which current players were invited, something that went down like a lead balloon with the Sutton people. Not the fault of John Homer, I hasten to add; the club dropped it upon him, both date and guests, and very much on a ?take it or leave it? basis only.

But that was a small quibble, really, because, of the two venues, we felt we?d had a far better ?bang for our buck?. So what did our man have to say, then? Well, he was devastatingly honest about various situations and events that took place, especially concerning those going on over the course of the last 12 months or so. So honest were the replies we were given to some questions, I?ve had to self-censor to a certain degree. But I?m sure you?ll have the wits to realise why I thought that necessary.

Jeff started off conventionally enough, praising our efforts on the vocal front, both home and away ? but especially away. He said that Robert Koren had particularly commented upon the intensity of play in the English game, as opposed to what he was used to on the Continent. Jeff also made much about the improved quality of the current squad, and the fact that they played much more for team ?togetherness? than had been the case in the past. After Saturday, things will hot up on the run-in front, so they?ve recalled Shelton Martis. Jared Hodgkiss needs a hernia op, apparently. (GLYNISNOTE: Not the almighty medical catastrophe it used to be back in the days of yore: with keyhole surgery and improved operative techniques, including the use of what amounts to a ?mesh? to repair the hole created by such conditions, his time away will be minimal) so we will need additional cover in that position for a while.

Regarding the ?window? there are one or two irons in the fire, but nothing major. We are still engaged in negotiations concerning additional keeper cover for Deano. Mogga feels he?s got enough in most departments to keep on trucking just fine until the end of hostilities, this coming May. Our man is also very happy to keep on playing attacking, attractive, football and the directors are quite content to let him carry on that way. That potential Czech goalkeeper signing? He?s 6?4? and understudy to the regular Czech national side?s keeper. Negotiations are ticklish, but he thinks we?ll get our man eventually. That Ghastly Drum? ?If we go up, we?ll keep it. If we don?t - well, blame the drummer?.!?

The Halfords Lane Stand? As has been intimated previously, that will be refurbished extensively during the close season. The facilities there will be given an extensive revamp, as they?re hardly fit for purpose, any more. Additionally, the board (and Boardroom, of course!) will move, lock, stock and gin decanter, back to its previous home, with what is now the VIP stand being given over to Jeremy?s mob instead. Jeff?s quite glad to see it moved back, if only for sentimental reasons. When he was a young hack, that?s where he did all his Albion watching ? from the Press Box, which is situated on that side of the ground, of course. The reason why they opted for a refurbishment, rather than a completely new structure? Simple ? they didn?t want to spend 9-11 million on a rebuild, then find they couldn?t fill the wretched thing.

Interesting also to hear about one former player, who told Mogga after last season?s play-off semi-final win over the Dingles that whatever the result at Wembley, he still wanted to shove off for pastures new. I do happen to know the name of the person concerned, but you?ll just have to work it out for yourselves. Sorry. At the start of the current season, our chairman said we needed to get around seven out of ten signings right ? and that?s about the way it?s panned out, when you sit and think about it.

Some thoughts apropos Stoke City, and the soulless kind of football they play (my words, not Jeff?s). ?Would you want to go out and watch THAT every week?.....? ?Nuff said! And then he chucked it open to the floor: who would get into our ?all-time Albion side?? Cor, that didn?t half generate some discussion: not surprising, really, considering the varied age-groups representative of the audience. Some went as far back as pre-war: others were but mere striplings, by comparison, but all had their various points to make. There was an absolute welter of suggestions in the end, of course, which only goes to demonstrate the sheer quality of the various people who?ve worn the famous stripes over the years.

On to the kids, then: Jeff mentioned two currently in the Under 16?s who looked set to go all the way to the top, one of whom was a local lad, with local family roots. (Ooer ? I sound a bit like the crazed duo in ?The League Of Gentlemen? don?t I? For Pete?s sake, make me stoppit ? NOW!) There was considerable competition from Premiership clubs, according to Jeff, but we?d managed to tempt the pair of them to sign for us. Whether they?ll stay is another matter entirely, of course.

You can call Bryan Robson whatever you want, but it was at his insistence alone that Albion finally committed to putting in place the fine youth set-up they?ve currently got, Academy status being a ?must? as far as Robbo was concerned. As mentioned previously, at Under 16 level, it?s already bearing fruit, the lads at that level now being able to pit their skills against players of the same age currently with Premiership clubs. In the absence of a wealthy backer, the board are convinced this is the sensible thing to do. The aim is, in future years, to end up with around five or six home-grown people in the first team.

Should it be necessary, come the end of the season, the ticketing arrangements for a play-off final will be changed substantially. The board weren?t happy with the two-per-person limit which, rightly or wrongly, they felt led to people going to the game simply to take in the shops on another day whilst there, with a corresponding diminution in vocal support. What they intend to do in future is stick to one per person only. (GLYNINSNOTE: Whether this will actually come to pass is another issue entirely: I only put before you what?s said at the time, then see what happens?.)

Jeff is hopeful of further Cup progress, owing to the potential rewards of drawing a big club in the next round, but is also mindful of the knock-on effect that would have upon our League form, as happened after we had that marathon with Boro last season.

Robbo?s disciplinary record might prove to be a problem in the future. He?s already skating upon thin ice, having been sent off earlier this season. Another red-carding might mean a 4-match ban for the lad. The club are really thrilled with Mogga?s managerial performance. ?He is absolutely dedicated, focused on the job 24/7?.? As for the Zoltan Gera negotiations, it seems to be very much a case of him staying if we go up, and not staying if we don?t. It?s more of a career thing, apparently: he?s currently very happy at the club, and with the area. He?s said he?ll consider the various pros and cons at the end of the season.

With Ishmael Miller, things may be more problematic, insofar as we have to get his signature by the end of the current transfer window. Either that, or pass up on the opportunity to get on board. A surprising bit of news to me, but City are now apparently keen on having him back, but can?t, owing to the current deal they have with us. Bednar? That one?s very much a ?goer?, as we have the option to sign him up at the end of the season. He does want to stay.

It was at that point that Jeff?s musings were sharply interrupted by a thunderous rap on the door. Was it a police raid, the Drug Squad, paying an unannounced visit, owing to the high levels of unbridled optimism floating around the room? Nope ? just the pub?s caterers, bringing in several plates of sarnies!

Other miscellaneous matters: Bomber Brown, who is still pally with Jeff, and for obvious reasons: Albion reporters in those days were practically ?embedded? with the club, in much the same way hacks get ?embedded? with Army units on active service in this day and age. In his day, Jeff was given complete editorial freedom to write about whatever he wished. Such freedom meant, among other things, travelling on the same team coach as the players to away fixtures, eating the same food, staying in the same hotels etc. and, from what I?ve been told, to the best of my knowledge, nobody ever abused the privilege of seeing any such Albion side, warts and all.

But the thing is about Bomber, he?s currently very embarrassed by moves afoot to erect a more tangible honour in recognition of the time he spent at our club. As Jeff pointed out, were Albion to honour everyone who gave the club similar service, then they?d quickly run out of places to put statues etc. In any case, they felt that the way they tackled such issues at present ? naming bars etc. after notables in the playing ranks ? was about the most equitable way of going about it.

Could we ever sell out to a foreign buyer, in similar fashion to Villa, etc.? Jeff believes Jeremy is in it for the long haul, although, if someone did make an appropriate offer, and had the finances to carry it through, then he might give the matter further consideration. John Hartson? He?s definitely in it until the summer! I?ll refrain from further comment.

Tomorrow?s side? We?ll be missing Ish Miller, who will be out for around 2 weeks: I?d forgotten there is a grading system for such things, and Ish?s hamstring problem is assessed as being worthy of low-grade status only, so we won?t be without his services for too long. Whether Man City will get him back or not is another matter altogether, though.

The big news, though, is that of the inclusion of a 15 year-old striker in our squad, a lad called Lateef Elford-Alliyu, all three of him. Is the name synonymous with that of a skipping song we used to chant when I was a kid: ?The Big Ship Sails On The Ally-Ally-Yu?, I wonder? Oooh, what a tease I can be, sometimes ? er, NOT.

The headline ?MOWBRAY GAMBLES ON TEEN TYRO? was a bit naughty. Although ostensibly a replacement for the injured Ish Miller, and with four goals in ten starts to his Under 18?s credit already, I can?t seriously believe for one moment that Mogga actually intends to bring the lad on, mind: this has got to be for the experience, more than anything else, a way of demonstrating to the young shaver the sybaritic lifestyle enjoyed by our senior pros, whose ranks he will undoubtedly fill, should he keep his nose to the footballing grindstone in approved fashion. Or something. For what it?s worth, he?s but a week older than the current League ?young gun? record-holder, Gillingham?s Luke Freeman, who took to the field of play against Barnet, ages just 15 years and 233 days.

We?ll also be without Zoltan Gera, who is suspended. What with Cesar, Beattie and Hoefkens coming back into the reckoning, it might well be interesting to see just who does get the job of putting Posh to the sword. We hope! Said she, desperately crossing both fingers behind her back!

Personally, we could call upon the services of Gordon Brown himself to do the job, as long as we did it, and preferably, without a replay complicating things. As I mentioned earlier, I still harbour nightmarish memories of what happened to our push for promotion when we played Boro. Before that game, we were, as today, top of the heap. After going out of the Cup to them, we ended up losing three out of our subsequent four, something that effectively cost us the chance of going up as of right. Either see ?em off at London Road, or don?t bother at all, is my way of looking at it. By five to five tomorrow, we?ll know.

And Finally?.. One. Now here?s a pleasant variation upon a very worn old theme. Unbelievable, but completely on the level, honest?.. Stuart Fleetwood, who?s been banging ?em in for high-flying Conference club Forest Green Rovers all this season, and got noticed primarily because of it, actually turned down a move to Crewe earlier this week. A transfer deal for around ?175,000 plus add-ons had been agreed between the two clubs but amazingly, former Hereford United favourite Fleetwood decided to stay at the New Lawn, Forest Green?s new place, instead.

"It is a decision I have reached along with my family. Everyone at Rovers has made us so welcome from the Boardroom to the supporters on the terraces. My mother in particular has a genuine affection for the club, and everyone she meets each match day. The club is now part of my family as well and I am committed with my team mates to making this the best ever season that the club have experienced in their history," said Fleetwood.

"Obviously I have been kept informed by the club of all the interest shown and I can honestly state that even if any other clubs come in with a late bid before the transfer window closes, I am not interested. The summer may be a different matter but I owe a debt of gratitude to the gaffer. At a time when many thought my career had ended, he had faith in me and I love the way he has the lads playing, and that has helped me tremendously".

What more can I say? Tomorrow night: David Cameron and Gordon Brown jointly agree to moves making it compulsory for all businesses pulling in over ten million quid in profits to donate said loot to the NHS, while George Bush, in a massive gesture to his enemies, ensures that both he and his family completely embrace Islamic ideals, and, as a gesture towards unity, turns the entire White House into one vast mosque.

Two?. During Sky?s weekly Championship round-up, was it our imagination that when they did a piece about the forthcoming Dingles-Scunthorpe game, the footage they used showed several Dingles scraping their knuckles on the pitch as they left the players? tunnel?

Three?. Hands up all those who?ve seen us trolling around the ground (and elsewhere) in bright orange coats, with an unusual ?bear?s paw? design on the back? We had always known these were the emblem of some obscure American football team: what we hadn?t was who they actually were. But now we do, and all because we turned up for the Sutton Branch meeting mentioned above.

It took one of their members to tell us that those (only three imported, and they?re in the hands of both we pair, and Simon?s mum?s beloved!) coats represent a side based in Clemson, North Carolina ? called The Clemson Bears, you won?t be too surprised to hear ? so how the hell did he know such an earth-shattering piece of news, you might ask? Easy: the poor sod concerned got stuck there in real ?good ole boys? country (the uncharitable would undoubtedly liken the scenery to that portrayed in ?Deliverance?, but I?m remaining mute of malice!) for a stonking 16 hours while waiting for a train connection, several years ago!

 - Glynis Wright

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