The Diary

29 December 2007: The Noble Art Of Striking While The Irons Are Not So Hot.

Ever onwards the mighty Baggies juggernaut rumbles towards its desired destination, so if it?s Saturday, it must be Scunny, at home. Our very last fixture of 2007, that one: when we next wear our shirts in earnest, at Portman Road, the infant 2008 will have been bawling lustily in its pram for a good thirteen hours or so. God help the poor sod tasked with bringing its bottle, mind.

It?s at times like these that I seriously wonder as to what distant destination all the intervening weeks and months have flown to. It doesn?t seem five minutes since we unhappy Baggies were painfully picking over the rubble of our Burnley opener, mourning the departure of various favourites for an alleged Better Place, and heatedly debating whether or not Mogga?s new boys were really up to battling against the cruel cut-and-thrust meat-grinder that is the Championship. Just showed how much we knew back then, didn?t it?

Wow ? what a first half to the season, once everyone was settled in, and made comfortable with the various roles picked out for them by our manager. And that was just the supporters! As the Beatles once sang: ?It?s getting better all the time, so much better all the time?.? Just like vintage wine, cellared properly, the thrill to the palate increases with ever-advancing age and maturity. A cheeky little number, but one with a delightful accompanying bouquet of exquisitely-crafted goals, plus a faint hint of wintergreen. A sensory pleasure to be taken chilled, right now.

I know these things are, in part, at least, manufactured by the media, but I have to say I do agree with what Robert Koren (I must be about the last supporter in the ground to realise that his Albion nickname is ?Roko?!) is alleged to have said on our club website. It?s one thing to emphatically cream an outfit ? albeit a remarkably good one, considering they?re still one of the division?s new boys - hanging on to their top three place by the skin of their teeth, but another matter entirely to do similar to a side that is in desperate need of sufficient points to stay up. And that?s Scunny, in a nutshell: amazing to think that they, not Bristol City, went up as champions.

Imagine, if you will, a Stoke-type outfit, but not having sufficient in the way of animal cunning to cut it quite as well as they do. That?s Scunthorpe United, on a plate. They did try some of the old kick-and-rush stuff at their place, earlier in the season, but once we?d realised just how limited they actually were, getting the requisite three points proved comparatively easy in the end.

Tomorrow may prove to be a tad different. They?ll be coming to ours somewhat revived, after ending a win-less run of 12 games on the bounce with a vital 1-0 away victory over the inexplicably appalling Preston North End (it absolutely beggars belief that they were in the play-offs, at the end of last season: what?s gone wrong there since then, I wonder?).

Because it?s imperative that they don?t end up chasing the game, and possibly falling victim to our currently-rampant strikeforce on the rebound after pushing everyone up the field, it?s a pretty sound bet they?re going to stick everyone, up to and including their club cat, right behind the ball, and try to stop us playing. Let?s face it: we?ve fallen victim to that kind of tactic on several occasions too many, thus far, and when others see it can get results, they?re going to try it on as well. Once more, my plaintive plea for much stronger refereeing ? we?ve been assigned M.D. Swarbrick, with flag-waving support from C. Dunn and R.G.Vaughan, fourth official O. Langford, tomorrow, by the way - resounds right across the airwaves.

The media all seem to think that Mogga will shuffle his deck of cards around a little for this one, and looking at the game from a theoretical point of view, I can readily appreciate why they might think so. But it?s practicalities I?m thinking about, right now, not theories. A side that?s messed around for any reason, be it good or bad, loses its ability to kick on from the twin viewpoints of stability, not to mention familiarity with the various strengths and weaknesses of team-mates.

Having said that, it?s very likely that any such changes will only result from key players returning to the side following injury ? I?m thinking Kev Phillips, Ish Miller, Alby, and James Morrison, here, with the likes of Barnett, Brunt, and Tex all warming the bench ? but there is one almighty selection poser likely to crop up for tomorrow?s game, and a pretty ticklish one, at that.

Does Mogga stick with Roman Bednar, on the basis that ever since he made the side as a fill-in for the injured Ish Miller, he?s come up with the goods as required, or does he simply revert back to what previously prevailed, and give Ish a proper start instead? Personally, I?d be inclined to stick with things the way they are, and only use young Miller if we end up having to chase the game. Or, should everything work out, and we build up a half-decent cushion, as a straight swap for one of the normal two up front, so at least one gets some kind of a break from the various stresses and strains entailed in running around like a lunatic for a good hour and a half. Other than the above considerations, as it?s a successful combo, and little in the way of injury supervening, the rest of tomorrow?s side should sort itself out.

Scunthorpe? Well, as I said earlier, they really do need to get scores on doors, and quick, if they aren?t to lose touch with their fellow strugglers. Missing from their line-up will be defender Cliff Byrne, who was a naughty little boy when they played fellow-strugglers Preston, recently. Saw red for two bookable offences, did the lad, so whatever happens, he ain?t going to start against us, that?s for sure. A bit of a disaster-day all-round, really, the Preston bash being his first game back after a lengthy lay-off through injury. And yes, before that, he was yet another player to fall victim to what?s seemingly becoming a real problem for modern-day players, the dreaded ?broken bone in the foot?.

There?s happier news for fellow-defender Kelly Youga, though: he?s back following a four-game ban for being daft enough to get an early bath two games in succession. Stupid boy! The only long-term injury problem manager Nigel Adkins has to worry his pretty little head about, right now, is centre half Izzy Iriekpen, sidelined for the last two months, on account of recent surgery to his knee. (Sounds familiar, that ? maybe our more recent ?walking wounded? might care to commiserate, some time?) Other than the stuff outlined above, they?ll be going with their normal starting line-up, I expect.

As Mogga himself intimated, we?re now entering a bit of a ticklish phase in the current season. The situation at the top of the table is a pretty fluid one, right now. In contrast to most seasons at this level, no runaway leader has emerged, as yet, although it must be said that as things stand, both Watford and ourselves (44) are now showing vague signs of gradually pulling away from the chasing pack.

But lose a couple or more on the bounce, and that could very easily change for the worse, of course: just below the top two are a closely-knit twosome comprising bloodyStoke, and Bristol City, (44 pts), with Charlton (39) and Plymouth (37), occupying fifth and sixth places respectively. Wulves? Oh, dear ? can?t find them anywhere in those play-off places! Now where could they have disappeared to? Hang on a minute, let?s try the lower reaches of the Championship table?. Ah, that?s where they were hiding, in eighth place, and on a measly 35 points! Oh, dear ? not quite good enough, is it, Mick McCarthy?

So who do our immediate rivals face, come the morrow? Watford host lowly QPR. (Also desperate, so likely to fight tooth and nail, in order to get a result? And remember, the ability to grab home wins, or more to the point, their notable lack of success in doing so, of late, appears to be a significant chink in their armour), while Stoke have to travel to fellow play-off hopefuls Plymouth. I can only hope the West Country club?s medical people are on full alert for this one. Not to mention the nearest infirmary. If they aren?t, they jolly well should be. Talking of West Country clubs, Zummerzet?s very own Bristle City have to travel to Turf Moor, and tenth-placed Burnley. Could go either way, that one, so drink up thee zoider, lads. Charlton? They visit troubled Leicester City, so my previous comments apropos Watford-QPR can serve equally well for that one too.

As I see it, the last thing we should do is make rash assumptions that Scunny will simply curl up and die the very moment they emerge from that tunnel. If only to outperform the rest, we need to get those points racked up, and added to our current tally. ?Tis true that we currently have a goal difference the width of Cheddar Gorge over the entire division, but I wouldn?t want everything to go to the wire with us depending on that to see us through. Call me hard to please, if you like, but I?d really love to see us go up in some style. Sumptuously, in other words!

Some other stuff, now. He?s still not exactly the picture of rank good health, is my other half, but he did recover sufficiently well to make a belated appearance at work, today. I can only hope he hasn?t been as generous with his germ-load there as I?ve recently been with mine. When we went over to see my folks, earlier tonight, I discovered that both my stepmother and my big sister had been ill with precisely the same thing. In the case of the former, pangs of guilt keep cropping up, what with the dear lady being well into her eighties, and elderly immune systems being not half as good at dealing with bacterial interlopers as those belonging to a much younger person. As it was, the malady made her take to her bed for a good two days on the bounce.

To be perfectly honest, though, I?m not entirely sure I was responsible for giving them the bug in the first place. As I remember it, just a couple of weeks earlier, on the Friday evening before Christmas, my sister brought young Ethan over to see his great-gran. At the time, my eldest sibling happened to remark that every single one of the small children and toddlers associated with her side of our massive clan had recently gone down with some kind of coughing and spluttering awful. The only exception? Young Ethan himself, happily (and noisily!) impersonating Spiderman, while we decrepit old folk, all spluttering and coughing like crazy, busily batted the breeze.

My own theory is that Ethan?s a modern-day equivalent of the infamous Typhoid Mary, but specialising in chest infections only. Who?s Typhoid Mary? She was a lady infamous for repeatedly working in food-handling-type jobs, despite the fact that she knew darned well she was a carrier of typhoid fever, a potentially-fatal condition. She?d certainly been told enough times. She never developed symptoms herself, but constantly carried the germs in her gut, infecting loads of others by that route all the while.

Not a problem now, what with vastly-improved hygiene and sanitation, with routine injections to prevent the spread of the disease among catering staff in the first place, but back in the days of turn-of-the-century New York, when comparatively little was known about the condition, whenever and wherever she handled food., the dear lady posed a considerable threat to public health. In the end, the authorities had no option but to place her in medical detention, where, I believe, she ended her days. Either that, or she ended up specialising in football ground catering!

As for my other sister, she and her hubby are off to Preston tomorrow. How come? Easy, that. My nephew, the one with the recent driving ban, has now managed to land up in hospital. An ear problem, as I understand it, and one inherited from both parents, both of whom have dicky lugholes also. Apparently, the lad had precisely the same type of operation his dad did, some 30-odd years ago. Whether or not the medics were persuaded to improve matters by tampering with his brain at the same time they did his ears, I?ve not been able to readily ascertain, to date - but I can always live in hope!

AND FINALLY?.. One. More about that amazing Boxing Day Koren 25-yarder?. At the time, I?d briefly speculated as to why the lad shifted to the Halfords to celebrate, rather than the more logical place, right in front of the Brummie ? ?who has he upset there??, I wondered - but now I know the real reason why. His parents, plus brother David and several other siblings, over specially for the occasion, were all sitting in that part of the stand, proudly watching their son and heir perform in the stripes. He certainly didn?t disappoint them, that?s for sure.

And they?ll be there tomorrow, too, same place, same channel. I wonder whether Mister Koren can oblige a second time? Blimey, if our lad considers it a major part of his filial duties to register a successful strike in such spectacular fashion, whenever his family are present, shouldn?t Albion be paying their return air fares on a weekly basis?

Two?. MILLERWATCH?. All you lovely Baggie people can breathe much more easily, tomorrow. He?s blighting a game around a hundred miles further up the M1, tomorrow afternoon. Bearing that in mind, look out for media controversy fireworks after Doncaster Rovers versus Southend, chaps and chapesses!

Three?. MORE TALES FROM MY ?DODGY OR WOT?? CORNER! Have a guess who?s running the line at Norwich v Wulves, tomorrow, folkies?. A chap called M. BULL, that?s who! Ooer.

Four?. Confucius he say, whenever miserable ears get completely blocked through lots of infected gunge, NEVER let them un-bung during a game! That?s what happened to me, versus Bristle, and in the twinkling of an eye, I went from a world mostly silent, despite the constant roar coming from both ends of the ground, to one where I was subjected to instantaneous aural torment!

It?s the same deal as what happens when you descend in a plane: the pressure in the tubes leading from the back of your throat to your lugholes increases at a different rate to that in the cabin, so you get bunged up. It?s only when your ears go ?pop? that the pressure finally equalises ? with precisely the same painful result!

 - Glynis Wright

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