The Diary

30 September 2003: Seek And Ye Shall Find - But In The Glove Compartment?

They say the road to hell is paved with good intentions. Mine revolved around watching the whole of the Walsall-Gillingham game on Sky tonight, but because I was distracted by fanzine-related stuff on our PC, and completely forgot the blasted game was on the box at all, I only managed to take in the last 20 minutes or so. Sure, I realise that it?s a very short period of time on which to base an assessment of our prospects next Saturday, but the one thing that struck me about the visitors was their ability to pass the ball around the park with some panache. Having said that, towards the end, a considerable proportion of what was on offer consisted of ?hoof it and hope? type tactics. My understanding is that where The Gills are likely to come unstuck is their inability to score. Of one thing I?m certain, though; if their defence is as generous to us as it was towards the Saddlers for that Hessenthaler own-goal, heavy-duty ?boinging? might well be the order of the day at the Priestfield Stadium come the final whistle. Another vagrant thought: Hessenthaler being their player-manager, come the end of the game and once back in the dressing-room, did he then start bawling at himself for conceding and costing them the points?

My adrenalin levels managed to hit the sodding roof this morning, and it?s all down to ?Im Indoors. How come? As you?ll recall from yesterday?s instalment, I had intended to visit the Shrine this morning, and pick up Rotherham tickets for all the Dick Away Team. Just before departure, I went to pick up our away season ticket books from their usual place of rest, but upon opening the drawer, all I could find was a bloody big empty hole in the place where they should have been. Help! As far as I could recall, I was the last Dick Ed to pick them up; ticket-purchasing missions accomplished, I normally put ?em away within seconds of arrival back in GD Towers, consequently, my demeanour on discovering their absence could, quite honestly, be described as ?agitated?. Where in the name of God had I left them? Once I?d finally unstuck myself from the ceiling and returned myself to some semblance of rational thought, the phrase ?If in doubt, ring ?Im Indoors? flashed through my mind, so I did precisely that. Just as well I did; what I?d forgotten was that my beloved had also visited The Shrine on a ticketing mission the day of the Hartlepool game, and had left the offending articles in the glove compartment of our car, which was great for them, because they then embarked on a totally-unrequited journey to the north-east and back, but not so good for my mental health about 7 days later!

Earlier this evening, as I watched Midlands Today, the football bit of the programme $p flashed up, and immediately, I thought, ?Ah ? now I?ll discover what really happened between AJ and Eastoe when they got sent off.? That?s what I?d presumed; the trouble was, having seen the Beeb?s footage, I was still none the wiser. In fact, I?m even more confused now, the reason being they only seemed to show part of what happened. Sure, as everyone made ready for the corner, we were treated to a brief glimpse of the Stokie pulling AJ?s shirt, and AJ pushing him away ? and that was it, much to my frustrated fury. The Beeb then went on to show the goal, and the incident that led to the second Stokie?s dismissal, plus the free-kick that followed; after I?d seen it, I had to ring The Fart about something else anyway, so I asked him if there was anything more the footage should have revealed. Oddly enough, he tells me what I saw was what precipitated the dismissals, but I simply can?t believe it. Surely there was more? What about the ruck of bodies seconds afterwards, which TV didn?t show? Did something happen then? If The Fart is right, then the referee?s actions absolutely beggar belief; no wonder both Megson and Pulis are appealing the decision. Let?s hope common sense prevails in the long run. If it?s Tuesday, it must be Millwall, and I reckon it ain?t going to be easy. The Lions are currently in 8th spot, and must harbour ambitions of getting even higher up the greasy pole before the current season?s run its course. Three points would do me quite nicely as I?ve never forgotten that night in 1983 when their so-called supporters climbed into The Rainbow Stand and terrorised everyone in it. That incident led to my close-season move from there to its Halfords Lane counterpart. As we seem to have emerged from Saturday?s encounter without any significant wounded, walking or otherwise, I?ll just assume we?ll be in for the same line up tomorrow night. One added ingredient, though, will be the presumed inclusion of a now-non-poorly Hughsie in tomorrow night?s squad. Strange, really. For a bloke, an athlete, even, supposedly at the peak of physical condition, he doesn?t half get a lot of visitations from wandering germs. How many times has he been laid low by one ailment or another thus far this season?

Presumably, having just put pen to paper on that one-year extension to his contract, Houlty will also be raring to go. ?I?ve never felt happier or more settled at a football club. I?ve stated before I would like to finish my career here, and I stand by that,? said yer man today, but that statement?s considerably at odds with his reportedly downbeat demeanour at this year?s Player Of The Year night. I?m now left wondering precisely what wrought that startling change of attitude in just five short months?

Now here?s a puzzler. It wasn?t until I picked up today?s Express And Star that I realised there had been a half-time on-pitch presentation of the Jeff Astle tram nameplate to Laraine. Unusually for me, come the interval on Saturday, I didn?t ? erm ? ?powder my nose? but stayed right where I was. Had there been anything said, I would have heard it via the PA system. I may be rather hard of hearing these days, but nothing on this planet is capable of deadening the dulcet tones of DJ Matthew as he goes through his half-time routine! Strange, also, that when we spoke to Laraine yesterday, she never mentioned it either! Oh dear, I must be getting too old for this game.

And finally?.. Whenever we meet, which is frequently, we generally give The Fart a whole wodge of newspaper cuttings which we feel he may find interesting, or just plain funny; very often, we sneakily slip various other things into the envelope, just to brighten his existence. Being used to that, nothing seems to faze him these days, but on this occasion he was rather taken aback by the inclusion of a great roll of peel-off sticky-backed paper containing oodles of names and addresses. Not surprising, therefore, that I had a puzzled call from him today asking why, and not knowing anything about Tel?s surprise ?gift? I had to wait for the arrival of ?Im Indoors to solve the mystery. It turned out that ?Im Indoors had printed the labels off preparatory to using them on the next batch of Dick subbers? envelopes, but instead of putting them to one side, like all good fanzine editors do, he?d included them in Tel?s stuff instead! Worrying, or wot? Mind you, the time I start ringing helplines, or secretly consulting our GP, is when my other half starts professing an affectation for all things gold and black, or goes around telling people Dave Jones?s side will soon put their bad start behind them, and take the Premiership by storm. Until then, his sanity is assured.

 - Glynis Wright

Contact the Author

Diary Index