The Diary

08 November 2007: More Post-Wednesday Thoughts.

Isn?t it pitiable that my abiding memory of last night?s farce had to be that of a completely and utterly racked-off and irritated beyond belief Mark Venus belting the ball for all it was worth into the back of the Smethwick End, after the final whistle? And my other half witnessing Cesar doing his level best to demolish the players? tunnel while en route to the dressing room? Frustration, pure and simple, all of it. The one positive impression I can take from last night?s troubling scenes, though, is that at least it proves we now have a bunch of players and coaching staff who genuinely care, which hasn?t always appeared to have been the case with some past Albion outfits, hard done by or otherwise.

According to last night?s broadsheet internet editions, Mowbray will now face an FA hearing after going on the pitch at full-time to argue what he called the "gross injustice" of Sheffield Wednesday's equaliser. Mind you, I have heard via my own little moles that the assessors weren?t all that impressed by what they saw last night, either; how true that is remains to be seen.

The basic problem, though, boils down to this: while players and managers can - and do - get roundly caned by the football authorities for their various verbal shortcomings before, during, and after games, as far as I can see, current chances of similar happening to incompetent match officials at our level do seem about as remote as that of some astronomer unexpectedly discovering a fully-functional branch of Tesco on Mars. Having said that, in the Premier League, they now appear to have got the message loud and clear, with Keith Hackett, match officials? head honcho there, creditably trying like stink to make the Premier League whistling and flagging set-up much more accountable than it ever was. I presume this has come about primarily because some bean counter or other has finally cottoned on to the simple fact that a refereeing cock-up there can cost clubs thousands ? no, hang on a minute - better make that ?squillions?, of pounds, when someone like Man U or The Arse suffer from refereeing ineptitude, eh?

Well, anything that can genuinely reduce the chances of a repeat of what happened to us during our inaugural season in the limelight, endless valid penalty shouts and other decisions laughed away by sundry idiots carrying a whistle, most of them arbiters seemingly more intent upon actively courting controversy, than genuinely trying to officiate in as even-handed and sensible a manner as possible, has got to represent something of an improvement, hasn?t it?

That?s why I reckon we?re now seeing one or two clearly-errant/incompetent Greed League match officials actually getting suspended by Hackett this season. I don?t know what The Fart?s views are on this ? being much longer in the tooth than this column, he may well have seen the FA take similar punitive action in the past over refereeing controversy causing the game to be held in disrepute ? but, try as I might, I can?t, for the life of me, ever remember a match official working in the top flight being held to account in this way before. Not before time, too ? now can such enlightened policies trickle lower down the League, please? And if someone does know different about the above, please get in touch ? I?m all ears.

So, just listen up, out there. Mogga will be heading down to London for judgment and slaughter over this very soon. If that?s the case, then maybe it might be also incumbent on someone expert in these matters to explain to everyone present at the hearing why it is that such an outwardly calm, placid, dignified person can end up losing all trace of dignity whatsoever by completely ?blowing his stack? at the referee? It?s Mogga, Jim, but not as we know him.

Referee Miller?s logic, or lack of it, in disallowing a goal for offside that was clearly an ?oggie?, then playing several minutes longer than he?d previously indicated ? citing the injury to Robbo as justification was a smokescreen, and a poor one, at that ? warrants explanation. Also, how was it that a Wednesday player, Tudgay, visibly fouled Hoefkens (the TV pictures I saw tonight show precisely what happened, as clear as daylight, so why the hell didn?t either Miller, or one of his linos?) and was then allowed to pass the ball to scorer Watson on the back of the clear advantage gained by committing said foul? Topics that all deserve much-needed clarification and explanation by Miller himself, and in person, too. I can just imagine Mogga saying, of the hearing, ?Bring it on?.

And a right good public airing is needed, too, so justice can be seen to be done. Were I in Miller?s position, and being well aware of all the evidence being stacked up against his competence, I?d much rather tackle the vexed subject of superstring theory in front of the FA, mainly because discussion of a knotty astrophysics poser particularly beloved of the mathematically-inclined likes of Professor Stephen Hawkings, would prove the easier of the two by far.

Something else that badly needs clarification, if only to put our collective minds at rest, is the precise nature of the damage to Kev Phillips. Since last night?s incident, no-one from the club has said much about it, and for me, that would suggest that although the lad sustained a nasty whack at the time, he?ll be back in action before too long. Jonathan Greening reckoned, in an Express And Dingle article tonight, that the injury wasn?t as bad as first feared.

I?m also heartened considerably by Greening further stating that Kev walked to his car under his own steam after the game, and drove off normally. Unless the bloke has a vehicle with an automatic gearbox, that wouldn?t have been possible, had his injuries been severe, purely because when you drive using a conventional gear-stick, you need the use of your legs to operate the pedals. While our hirsute captain is not the most obvious person you?d expect to possess much in the way of medical/orthopaedic knowledge, let?s hope and pray he?s right on all counts.

On to other topics, now. Many thanks to Sutton Branch Secretary Amanda Hume, she of the recent ?Weakest Link? appearance highlighted within these pages recently, for this remarkable internet coda to her recent TV quiz debut, finally shown on Bonfire Night, which I now reproduce ? just look who sent it to her!

Sent: 05 November 2007 18:11

To: Hume, Amanda

Subject: The Strongest Band.

30 questions asked and only 4 incorrect. Banked ?2110. Voted fairly and correctly for each weakest link. By far the most intelligent contestant. But did not win. Verdict: You now know what it is like to be a Baggies player!

Excellent. Really well done. Congratulations.

From Graham (Watford 0 W.B.A. 3) Taylor.

And now for some just-in good news, for once! In the Pontins Holidays League Cup, it?s Albion Reserves 3, Sheffield Wednesday Reserves 0, with Slusarki grabbing two, and Shergar getting the other. Given the magnitude of that win, I think it can safely be said that the prime cause of last night?s unpleasant drama was most certainly NOT officiating in this one!

And that?ll be it from me, until Sunday evening, folks. That doesn?t mean we aren?t following the beautiful game, this weekend; far from in fact. On Friday, we?ll be heading in the direction of Hereford, as we have tickets for their 1st Round FA Cup tie versus Leeds United, while Saturday will probably see us search for other entertainment of a footballing nature.

Normally, I would have written off Hereford?s chances within a matter of nanoseconds of hearing the draw, but The Bulls currently tenant an automatic Second Division promotion spot, while Leeds also ride high in the First, just outside the play-off places, despite the massive handicap of having started the season with a massive 15-point deduction hanging over their heads, now completely nullified by an astonishing run of home and away wins, of course.

?Im Indoors, being of solid cider-slurper stock himself, will be suffering agonies come Friday, no doubt. Me? I too want The Bulls to nick this one, purely and simply because my antipathy to Leeds is still something akin to that of my other half for MK Dons. Blame Don Revie, if you must. Something tells me this is going to be one hell of a game.

And Finally?.. One. This I?ve held over from Monday, and it concerns our solicitor. Being very handy indeed (their premises are slap-bang on the corner of our street, so how handy do you want a solicitor to be?), and given the fact they successfully negotiated compensation for me after the car accident that led to my back problems six or seven years ago, it seemed natural and logical for me to let them handle any conveyancing work needed, once we?ve sold our property, and found our personal Shangri-La by way of replacement.

That?s the prime reason why I visited their premises last Monday morning. When I walked in, the receptionist remembered me from last time, and once I?d explained what it was I wanted them for, she told me that they?d be very happy indeed to act for us. That?s when the younger partner in the firm arrived, and when the real fun started for me.

Puzzled? Well, the guy?s actually that rarest of astronomical bodies, a season-ticket-carrying Dingle with letters after his name (and, before you ask, not those spelling A-S-B-O, either!). Seeing him walk into the front office, I immediately greeted him with the immortal words: ?Hello, Mister Dingle, how?s your side doing these days??

Wow, the look on his face was truly phenomenal. ?A palpable hit?, as Polonius put it in ?Hamlet?. Had Tony Mowbray walked in at that precise time, and started giggling uncontrollably at my little legal chum, I couldn?t have timed it better. Nor my closing benediction, after I?d explained again why I was there. ?Goodbye, I hope your team gets better soon ? NOT!? Childish? Immature? Probably, AND on both counts. But immensely satisfying, all the same!

Two?. More pre-match gems from last night. The first concerned a leaflet The Fart gave us both, one concerning a forthcoming performance at the Alex called ?Vampires Of Rock? which we both fancied watching. By the look of it, the format?s similar to much better-known musical supernatural shock-fest ?The Rocky Horror Picture Show?, so could well appeal to our warped sense of humour. But it was the explanatory blurb in the leaflet that really had me, literally, rocking with laughter.

So what got my chuckling-muscles going so much, then? Get this? ?Set in the year 2030, the city is New York, but the Undead are among us, and livelier than ever?? Now just substitute the word ?Wolverhampton? for The Big Apple, and you, too, will see precisely why it was I absolutely hooted my socks off!

Three? During our pre-match discussion, last night, The Fart said he had a strong yen to go to The Emirates, meaning The Arse?s new premises, of course. But me being me, I could feel a wind-up coming on?. ?OK, Tel? said I, ?Tell you what, I?ll get you a ticket, you can start your journey from Brum ? and, what?s more, I guarantee you?ll get there in about 8 hours flat!?

A puzzled look from the old reprobate ? then realisation finally set in. I was actually talking about the Emirates on the Persian Gulf, and not Arsene Wenger?s ancestral pile!

 - Glynis Wright

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