The Diary

27 September 2003: Pre-Potters Patter

Greetings, once more. You?ll be pleased to know I?ve now finally caught up on the old zeds front, and am fully bright-eyed, bushy-tailed, and positively itching to get after those disgustingly-chattersome Stokies tomorrow. It?s been quite a day, hasn?t it, what with the startling news The Golden Tit is finally going to call ?time? on our ?friends? up the road. Is this move a diplomatic way of getting out early to avoid the rush, I wonder? Or could it be that the arch-Dingle?s recently been discreetly told by the medics not to get too interested in the story-lines of long-running soaps? It?s a startling development, whichever way you look at it; what?s more, he?s going to write off around ?40 million when he does leave the sinking ship. Whoever does fancy taking on the Sisyphean task of keeping them in the manner to which they are accustomed, or in the Prem, even ? no nasty foreigners, thank you very much, which is a bit rich considering the bloke?s a tax-exile, who resides in the Bahamas more often than not!

Mind you, I was impressed by the alacrity with which the E and S shoved out a huge supplement about Sir Jack and his playmates in tonight?s edition. That?s not something you can compile on the spur of the moment, believe you me, and given the news only broke last night, allegedly, I really find it difficult to believe that esteemed organ had its hacks slaving all night over hot PCs churning out the purple prose in quantity. Was some of the stuff that saw the light of day in tonight?s edition originally kept in reserve should the need for a hasty obit become pressing, I wonder? Or was The E and S discreetly tipped the wink beforehand? Whatever happened, the race is now on to find a similarly well-endowed (and barking-mad?) successor, which should be interesting, to say the least. A wicked thought has occurred to me; suppose several financially-well-endowed Baggies (Skinner, et.al) formed a consortium to buy the club, then, once the ink had dried on the contract, closed the ground, took it apart brick by brick, then built bloody great blocks of flats on the site? Ooooh ? stoppit!

Enough about failing Premiership outfits, then. I much prefer discussing one very much in the ascendancy, and very dear to my heart, so, without further ado, back to the matter in hand. Tomorrow, of course, sees us taking on our old friends from the Potteries in the League for the first time in a good many seasons. The Talbot-inspired six-nil at The Shrine in December 1988 ? future-Baggie Tony Ford was in receipt of an early bath that day, remember - was the last time we sent them packing, which is one hell of a long time with naught but zilch to show for our efforts; since then, we?ve played ?em 17 times, and Stoke have emerged the victors on no less than 11 occasions, with 6 ending in stalemate. The end result for us, of course, was nightmares about that bloody ?Delilah? song of theirs, and gleeful editorials in ?The Oatcake? fanzine proclaiming our arty ?farty brand of football was no match for their ?up and at ?em? signature-dish. Sure, they were something of a bogey side for us years ago, but compared to the days of Lou Macari, and bloody Mark Stein, the threat is minimal these days. There is a school of thought that contends we well and truly laid the ghost with that 3-1 Cup win, but the purists would argue that only a victory in the League really counts. I?m inclined to agree.

To be honest, I shan?t weep salt tears if we completely turn them over tomorrow; both gentlemen previously mentioned were hair-tearing frustration personified as far as I was concerned. I remember, and I?m sure you do too, our Third Division days, and the period immediately afterward, when our paths and theirs crossed with monotonous regularity. Not too easily forgotten also is the fact that we generally emerged from these games, battered, bruised ? Stoke had something of a penchant for kicking seven bells out of our full-backs at the time, remember ? and with our tails metaphorically, but indisputably, between our legs. Remember the 1992 encounter at their place, the 4-3 defeat, overseen by a clown in black called Eddie Parker? Gary Robson certainly won?t! There?s another reason why I?m banking upon Stoke being on the wrong end of a complete tatering tomorrow. Yes, it?s a somewhat selfish viewpoint to take, I suppose, but when you?ve had The Noise in the rear seat of your car constantly moaning about all the flak he?s had to take from his workmates ? see my brief summary of past Albion-Stoke encounters above ? then believe you me, you?d be on your knees imploring some deity or another to divinely-intervene by ensuring our finest do something special tomorrow!

Actually, living and working in Stoke as he does, our motormouth co-editor is going to be on the horns of something of a dilemma pre-match. As usual, he?ll be flogging our wares in his normal spot, outside the players? lounge entrance; the problem is, should his lips and tongue simultaneously engage in their normal Gatling-gun rate of delivery, he?s going to get it from both sides. His townies for consorting with the ?enemy? and our lot, for talking the lingo in the first place!

As far as their personnel are concerned, tomorrow will probably see their former Chelsea keeper Ed De Gooey (what a lovely name!) between the sticks instead of former Albion custodian Neil Cutler. Digressing for a moment, when he was a young Baggie, Neil was one of the lads I thought would really make the grade; some of you might remember those incredible saves he pulled off in a pre-season friendly against West Ham about 6 or 7 seasons ago. Neil was only 16 years of age at the time, and such were the quality of those stops, even the referee applauded his efforts. Returning to other possible Potty performers, Wayne Thomas, Chris Greenacre, and on-loan Dingle midfielder Keith Andrews could all be back after missing their League Cup defeat versus Gillingham in the week. As for our lot, newly-minted dad Greegs will be back in contention tomorrow, of course. Will our leader drop Berthe in order to accommodate him, I wonder? What about AJ? And, now they?re back in contention, will Sakiri and Volmer figure in the master-plan at all? Come to think about it, Clem?s performance after coming off the bench might well give He Who Must Be Obeyed even more food for thought. Does he stick with N?Dour, or go with what he already knows in that pesky left wing-back position? Rennies, anyone?

While we?re rejoicing in the fact we now have an embarrassment of playing personnel riches for the first time in yonks, spare a thought for our tame Icelandic defender. Someone Up There must really have it in for Siggy. Poor sod, he goes into hospital expecting, at worst, to undergo a minor knee op, but emerges from the anaesthetic only to find the problem was more extensive than originally envisaged. It?s now looking as though he?ll be out of it for around three or four months; just as well, then, we?ve got adequate cover. Oh, well ? at least the enforced break will give him adequate time to visit his family back in Rekjavik, or wherever it is they hang out in that icy country.

And finally?. Having spent much of my time this evening either visiting my folks, or in our ?office? compiling this piece, I didn?t get the chance to see tonight?s Arsenal-Newcastle game on Sky tonight. The Arse emerged victors by three goals to two, and the winner was a penalty late in the game generously given away by Jenas, who blatantly raised his hand above his head in the box, thereby giving the referee no alternative but to point to the spot.

One might say that wasn?t the only cock-up tonight. The resounding ?oops!? of an ?own-goal? could be heard over much of the Black Country and the Birmingham area, as well??

 - Glynis Wright

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