The Diary

08 October 2007: Some Further Thoughs On Our Abortive South Coast Trip.

As if losing at Southampton wasn?t enough, last night, as I was trying to recount the salient details of our disastrous awayaday down there, what you might want to call The Curse Of The Blighted PC struck yet again. Amazing, isn?t it? Earlier in the week, as His Nibs was reporting no problems with what I now tend to call our ?Friday Afternoon? machine, I started using it again. Give the devil its due, for the most part, I encountered not a whisper of contrariness from its electronics, not one iota of capricious malice, even, and the speediness of its functions cutting at least 30 minutes from the near-daily chore of writing this piece. Luvely Jubbly, bring it on.

Oh, dear. It must have lulled me into a pretty false sense of security, then, because late last night, when I came to write up my account of yesterday?s St. Mary?s slip-up, guess what happened? Yep, the blasted thing started playing its old tricks once more. Well, its malevolent tendencies have gone and upset me one time too many, this time round, mainly because when my other half tried to use it to sort out some stuff of his own, later that morning, he, too, underwent near-meltdown through sheer frustration. And worse was to come.

Result? Hooray, we?re finally going to go out and get a sodding replacement, and hang the expense. Until we do, though, I?ll have to work up this diary on our other PC, which, although containing innards as reliable as the phases of the moon, is about as slow to operate as ice-cold treacle. Oh ? and those of you who sent me an email last night, apologies if I haven?t come back to you by now, as earlier on, all our unread mail was an unforeseen casualty of the other PC blowing several electronic gaskets.

How come? His Nibs told me over Sunday lunch that our stricken machine?s config. sys. gave up the ghost while he was using it (whatever ?config. sys.? actually means, although I am now given to understand that losing it is a little like a human losing most of his/her higher brain functions through disease or injury, with similarly disastrous effects upon a stricken PC?s efficiency), so if you want a personal response from me, please send your queries, etc. again, and hopefully, I?ll be in a better position to provide a suitable reply this time. Fingers crossed. Chucking a big wodge of salt over the left shoulder. For luck, natch.

Turning to yesterday?s defeat once more, I wasn?t too surprised to read that Mogga, in his post-match press conference at St. Mary?s, had said that we lacked ?intensity, energy levels, and the mental alertness to finish off the game?. Reading between the lines, that says much the same thing as I did yesterday, that playing all those games over such a short period of times did for us in the end. If so, that really does raise a ripple of concern in my mind; if we can?t cope with a (scheduled, which makes the situation worse) rush of fixtures in October, what the hell are we going to do if there?s a spell of nasty winter weather in the offing, or, say, we have a good Cup run, and the outstanding games start piling up like family saloons in a serious motorway shunt?

Before yesterday?s fixture, thinking ourselves now well and truly rid of what had been the real ?monkey on our back? in times of yore, a senior squad insufficiently manned to cater for unseen developments, I?d been quite relaxed about it all, but having now seen what the lack of Kevin Phillips could mean to the side, I really do wonder.

If Albion were a motor vehicle, I reckon it would be a three-wheeler Reliant Robin: fantastic in terms of fuel economy, and a sheer delight to drive for some, but infuriatingly bad at coping with corners. That?s just one aspect of a greater problem Mogga also highlighted in his post-match press conference, coping with set-pieces of any description, not just flag-kicks.

This particularly annoying chink in our armour has dogged our progress for a very long time now, and given it?s a problem that can largely be rectified by careful coaching and use of tactics, it?s pretty worrying to think that it?s a problem still needing to be ironed right out of our game. But at least our leader is adamant we?ll get it right, confidently asserting to the assembled press: ?We will be a lot better.? Knowing Mogga?s past form, and his avowed ?mission statement? of creating a truly memorable Albion side for supporters to enjoy, as per those in the late seventies, I don?t doubt it for one minute.

At least we now have a good fortnight to enjoy a bit of a break, enabling us to take careful stock of what?s gone wrong, then gathering to discuss various ways of actually sorting it for once and for all. And yes, even though those on international duty may be involved elsewhere, sometimes the differing problems inherent in playing for one?s country can act in similar fashion to a mouthful of tart fruit of lip-puckering consistency, a wake-up call for the jaded Championship palate, if you like. They get to play for their country, and we reap the indirect benefit of them having done so.

Still, the very fact it?s only October means we can afford to be comparatively relaxed about seeking a solution to most, if not all of the aforementioned glitches in our play. Yes, we are six points adrift of Watford, and two behind Charlton (the lucky sods only equalised very late doors indeed, yesterday), but we do remain in that top six ?comfort zone?, the one that pacifies us with continual reminders there?s a bloody long way to go, still. Come the advent of next spring, provided we?ve stuck at it, no matter what, and we haven?t suffered unduly through events genuinely beyond our control, the League table could read very different indeed for our favourite football team. The worst thing we could do, right now, is get panicked into taking rash decisions.

And we should, hopefully, be able to question the great man for ourselves, in less than 48 hours time. Mogga will be making a rare public appearance at The Shrine, tomorrow evening, the venue being the East Stand, and the function a question and answer session. You have to pay, but all proceeds will be going to a charity nominated by the club, I?m given to understand. I?m sure that The Fart won?t be the only one to have things to say about what happened yesterday, and asking what practical steps we?ll be taking to sort things out. Albion supporters are a pretty astute bunch, compared to some, hence some past managers having a rough ride of it, but Mogga, being a pretty intelligent and sensitive guy himself, should acquit himself very well, I?m sure.

We?ll be there, come Tuesday night, and provided I don?t get an explicit ?don?t do it? from anyone involved with the club, I will try and give you all some sort of flavour of what was actually said at the time. I won?t be able to take notes, just pr?cis and paraphrase later what I, and my other half, manage to remember between us (his short-term memory being far better than mine, the reason I take notes in the first place!) but with any luck, I should manage to come up with enough stuff to make it a worthwhile exercise.

And Finally?. One. It was somewhat depressing to discover the alleged reason for the unpleasantness that developed in the away end, right after the conclusion of yesterday?s game. Being stuck in a seat at the very back of the stand, I hadn?t seen it happen, but according to some sources, an Albion supporter in a wheelchair was attacked around that time, and when his helper tried to assist by putting the injured party back in his mobility aid, he was ?pulled aside by the police?. (Their words, not mine.) That explained the protests I heard directed by one furious supporter towards the Saints stewards, something on the lines of ?you?re supposed to help us, but you stood and did nothing?.? I really do despair, sometimes.

Two? On a far more cheerful note, check this out. My other half gave me the idea for this one just yesterday morning, as we were in the East Stand car park, and trying to suss out which of the assembled coaches was our own particular transport of delight. Number Four was the one we were looking for, and it was while we were seeking this one out that my other half came up with a particularly spiffing idea. ?Suppose,? he said, ?all our coaches to away games were given, not numbers, but famous Albion names, past or present, whose shirt-numbers corresponded to that of a particular coach?

That, of course, sent my imagination soaring into overdrive: not being able to develop my theories further yesterday, mainly because of all the kerfuffle involving our PC, and my annoyance at not getting anything from our South Coast trip, meaning I more or less gave up the will to live, I?ve now managed to spend a few minutes quietly contemplating this particular concept. For good or ill, these are some of my thoughts, so don?t say I didn?t warn you!

Let?s start with Coach Number One. An easy choice, that: just call it The Dean Kiely Coach, and everyone will get the message. A reliable little runner, and able to provide just that little bit extra, should there be the possibility of trouble on the road. Moving on to Coach Three, that gives present Baggies the easy option of Paul Robinson?s name on the printed sheet on the front of the vehicle.

Has a pretty big engine capacity, and one capable of being run right into the ground without undue effects upon the innards. Does have a tendency to shove lesser breeds off the carriageway and onto the hard shoulder, mind, and has earned something of a bad reputation among the motorway police as a direct result of such ill-usage of brute force. Badly needs a governor to ensure that such things don?t happen in the future.

The Number Four slot, a justly-famous one, especially in the distant past, could still attract a resonant identity. Most Baggies of my generation would go for Bomber Brown?s name ending up in front (headlights?): of veteran status, finally free of road fund tax after twenty years solid ploughing a furrow up and down the country. In its day, could be relied upon to reach whatever goals you wanted it to, blessed with one hell of a kick, once you put the gas pedal down. Modern-day Baggies, not so well acquainted with the various quirks and foibles attached to vintage models? What better name to use for your vehicle than the ?Derek McInnes Charabanc??

Moving directly on to the sort of numbers we take to big games, that brings us right into the realms of ?convoy status?, a la Oldham, back in 1976, and, much more lately than that, both Wembley play-off finals, successful or otherwise. If you want to give allegories of modern squad status a miss, why not slap the name ?Bob Taylor? on the front of Coach Number Nine?

A particularly user-friendly model, very responsive, no matter what your requirements, tough, needing very little in the way of maintenance, in its day, and economical, too, needing few shots to reach the target. A proven winner, no matter what type of journey you planned to take. For Baggies as long-suffering as this writer, mind, there can be only one possible identity for the vehicle number of your choice: the real King Of The Road, Jeff Astle.

Get into the dizzy realms of ordering Number Twenty One for our next away trip (hardly likely, as it?s bijou Colchester, but you know what I?m ? erm ? ?driving at?!), and you can then invoke the serial skills of Super Kev to get you there! Take a few less away with you, mind, and Number 17 will be your limit: a very new model, this one, and developed in a factory situated in the North. May only be available for hire this season only, but this vehicle?s sheer speed and manoeuvrability, not to mention size, should be sufficient to get you out of innumerable mishaps on the road. No prizes for working that one out!

To every positive connotation in this direction, there?s always a corresponding ?negative?, of course. Not wishing to upset the applecart unduly, I?ll leave that one as an exercise for the reader (you know the real Albion duds, past and present, just as well as I!), but I will leave you with one final thought: No, I won?t be pushing too hard for the use, in the context of previous discussion, of Number Nineteen! The penny should drop pretty quickly when I say I?m not into the resolution of defamation lawsuits as a hobby!

 - Glynis Wright

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