The Diary

01 September 2007: So Long, New Seal Curtis - And Don't Forget To Thank Them For All The Fish!

Friday ? and what a lovely evening to go over to my stepmother?s, and listen to my sister?s raucous tales of what she?s been getting up to in Tenerife, where her daughter and granddaughter lives, and where both her and her other half were staying recently. Normally, I?d be bloody envious of her having escaped the lousy joke of a summer we?ve been having, thus far, but I soon revised my opinion when I heard that for most of their time there, the temperature had topped the 100-degree Fahrenheit mark, making normal activity outside almost impossible.

Not only that, they?d had enormous forest fires on a couple of islands (a satellite picture in one of the recent dailies, showing the massive smoke plume emitted and trailing downwind over the other islands in the chain, was most impressive), which partially obscured the sun, polluted the area, and as a result, did nothing whatsoever to lower the temperature.

Meanwhile, back on the home front, before we travel to The Hawthorns for tomorrow?s game, we?ll be inspecting (properly, this time, rather than just gawping at the exterior) another couple of prospective properties, in and around the Stourbridge area, this time. Oh, and a timely little message for Supporters Club chappie, and MC extraordinaire, John Homer ? we?ve also seen one we like the look of in Lower Gornal, and will be looking at it some time in the very near future, so don?t say we didn?t warn you!

As a conservatory is high on our ?wants? list, a move should help out enormously with another ?space? problem we?re having right now, and that concerns the bloody big banana plant we?ve got taking over our bathroom ? and when I say ?taking over? that?s precisely what I mean. Only around 18 inches or so high a couple of months ago, when the damn thing first rustled into our lives, it?s now some three or four feet tall, and rapidly obscuring what limited amount of light we had coming through that window in the first place. Sit on the loo, in ?repose? for long enough, and you?ll swear blind the faint crackling you can hear is the blasted thing growing ever bigger.

Even our green/red/yellow pepper plant, a most sociable bit of botany, normally, and busily producing the multicoloured goods in profusion at the moment, is on the verge of raising the white flag of surrender. If need be, I?m willing to swear on a stack of Bibles it?s crossed with the Triffids of John Wyndham fame: let me put it this way, our cats, normally curious creatures, always give the thing a wide berth when in there, and ? the clincher for me, this ? they NEVER visit that bathroom at night, alone.

Message for The Fart, looking after the felines in our absence, very soon: if you really MUST go up there while we?re away, take a big machete with you, because if you don?t, there?ll suddenly appear one big mutha of a bulge amidst those huge leaves, a satisfied ?burp? emanating from within, and poor Scouse, your long-suffering missus, reporting you missing to the police. I can just imagine the opening line of her conversation with the poor desk sergeant: ?Well, being a vegetarian, you?d have thought he?d be OK, wouldn?t you????

Well, it was pretty late in coming, I suppose, but at least the club (and, by extension, we followers) now knows where it stands regarding Curtis Davies. Yesterday, the Mirror went large on Villa wanting a piece of his action, on a loan basis initially, then permanently thereafter. And tonight, the media announced it had all been sorted properly, so that?s that, then. A similar deal, in fact, to The Pole In Goal, when he left the place for Old Trafford last year, but with an eventual 9 million shiny oncers set to come tinkling into Jeremy?s legendary biscuit tin (the one that needs a thermonuclear explosion to blast it open, needless to say) once the deed?s been enduringly done, and Luton get their sell-on cut.

On the face of it, a very astute bit of business, but how much of that little lot will go on players to give added impetus to our quest to achieve short-to-medium-term Premier League permanence? And what a shame it had to be our local rivals reaping the benefits of his presence in their side. I would much rather have seen his allegiance transferred to an outfit situated in a more distant part of the country, but that?s the old-fashioned Albionite within me talking, isn?t it? Forget the Dingles, the ?We Hate Villa? gene is incorporated into just about every bit of genetic material possible, in Baggies of a ?certain age?, and damn near-impossible to eradicate, too.

And so, to tomorrow?.. After Tuesday?s much-needed Cup win at London Road, the action now shifts to The Hawthorns, where Barnsley will be on the receiving end of some good old-fashioned Baggie hospitality, but with a much less spectacular scoreline than was the case at the end of last season, no doubt. (Oh ? and by the way, you won?t forget that the League Cup draw takes place tomorrow morning, on Sky, will you?)

A quick tootle on the club website reveals that newbie Chris Brunt will finally be available for selection tomorrow, after being suspended following a sending-off during Sheffield Wednesday?s pre-season tour of Holland. He did play for Wednesday on the opening day, and for Northern Ireland ? a 60-minute spell, that one ? in a Euro 20008 qualifier versus Lichtenstein, just over a week ago, but because of the aforementioned ban, it?s only now that Albion have been in any position to utilise both him and his midfield talents.

Quite an achievement, that, getting red-carded during a friendly. Normally, football etiquette holds that the ?sinner? be immediately warned by the referee that if he carries on in similar fouling fashion, he?ll be off, and the manager concerned, taking the whistler?s hint, effects an almost-immediate diplomatic subbing ? but not in this case, it would seem. Having said that, I do recall people getting red-carded during our pre-seasons in Denmark: at the time, we put it down to the Danish FA having zero-tolerance for the sort of tackles that would only rate a finger-wagging, were they to occur on these shores. But you really would have thought Wednesday would have been told about that beforehand, wouldn?t you?

Oh, well ? at least we?ve finally got another option available to us, thank goodness. Apparently, Barnsley had as big a clear-out as we did, come the close-season, and Mogga reckons manager Simon Davey now plays a completely different tactical game to the shambolic affair we witnessed on the last day of term. They?ve now gone three at the back, and that caused Colchester, no mugs at home, all sorts of problems when The Tykes met them recently, apparently. The only losing game thus far was their 4-1 defeat at the hands of Coventry, on the opening day, which is a League record superior to ours, of course, albeit a very short one.

So who?s hot and who?s not in South Yorkshire, tomorrow? Midfielder Martin Devaney is doubtful, it would seem, while Istvan Ferenczi and Kayode Odejei ? don?t we have footballers just named ?Smith? any more? ? are both expected to be back and running after injury. Their top scorer, with four to his credit thus far, is Brian Howard, but he?s been out through illness, the nature of which I know not. Both he, and a certain gentleman by the name of Andy Johnston (remember him?), rested for their League Cup game in midweek, will be back in with a shout, tomorrow. Also back in with a chance will be Anderson De Silva and Stephen Foster, both of whom were cup-tied for the aforementioned Newcastle game.

What of the Baggies? Coo, we have almost an embarrassment of riches at our disposal, these days, don?t we? Kiely is an ?automatic? of course, and in central defence, I?m assuming we?ll stick with Alby, who seemed to do such a good job at Posh in midweek. Ditto Barnett? Robbo should get a look in on the left, but what about the right? Stick with Hoefkens, or go for young Jared? And will Clem find an opening, via the bench? Given the high standard of his game at Peterborough, he might well be in with a shout of a start, even.

Eye-eye, eye-eye! Koren is back, Koren is back?. Now declared fully fit for punishment, I?m assuming he?ll be benched, initially, then might get a look-in if things are looking comfortable towards the end. And, returning to one of my previous paragraphs for a moment, Chris Brunt will also be available, but will Mogga risk using him straight off? As for those precious slots, you can perm four from about eight. There?s a wealth of riches out there, Tex, Chappy, Morrison, Pele, Gera and Greening, plus the two aforementioned bods, of course.

Up front? With The Duke now departed, that?s reduced our options slightly, so it could well be that Mogga sticks to Kev Phillips, plus Beattie, to start. If that?s the case, then it would be nice if the lad Beattie could start banging some in, instead of being guilty of some horrendous misses at point-blank range, as seen at Bramall Lane last week, also London Road, earlier this one.

Waiting in the wings (and probably champing at the bit to get a game in, if truth were known) are Shergar, Miller (he of the spectacular debut strike versus Preston, and might be chucked in with instructions to do similar tomorrow, either straight off, or from the bench), and Bartosz Sluskarski, who has now obtained international clearance to play, thanks goodness. It?s all about ?horses for courses? of course, so, in this instance, it should prove instructive as to precisely what ?horses? he deploys right from the start, tomorrow. Prediction? I?d like to think we?ll carry on from where we left off at the end of last season, but the lot in their current first team aren?t quite the misbegotten bunch of patsies you would have expected to see wearing the shirt, in days of yore. I reckon either a very sweaty 1-0 win, or a draw.

SOME VERY, VERY LATE TRANSFER NEWS!?? And with only 30 minutes to go before the ?window? slammed shut, by my reckoning?.. Hearts striker Roman Bednar, age 24, nationality Czechoslovakian, has agreed to join us on loan until the end of the current season. Apparently, he missed most of last season because of injury, and is still to play in this one, but when he has been fit enough to turn out for the Scottish outfit, he?s scored 14 times over the course of two seasons. The fact he appears to be so injury-prone is a serious concern of mine. I can only hope Hearts didn?t shout ?We can see you coming!? when Albion first started making noises about acquiring his services: let?s face it, it wouldn?t be the first time we?ve been seen off. Or won?t be the last, come to think about it.

And Finally?? One. Remember that immortal line by Rupert Brooke: ?If I should die, think only this of me: That there?s some small corner of a foreign field that is forever England?.?? Well, forgetting the ?death? bit for a moment, I can otherwise confirm that there is, now, thanks to my sister and her other half, ?some small corner of a foreign field that is forever West Bromwich Albion?.

How come? Well, in the bit of Tenerife where my niece lives, they have a wonderful way of getting the whole community involved in refurbishing a bit of the area that needs a bit of titivation, so to speak: simply providing a blank wall bordering the village square, pots of brightly-coloured paints, brushes with which to perpetrate the damage, then inviting people, kids especially, to create a mural.

In this particular case, within a matter of hours, the youngsters put together a creditable seaside scene ? but what about the adults? Well, that?s the precise moment when the Hand Of The Garbetts descended upon the bit of the wall designated for them: until they?d arrived, everything had followed convention, rational people painting various images that floated their boat, and very tasteful it was, too, apparently.

But that was to change, and how: within milliseconds of my sister?s arrival, paints and brushes were eagerly snatched from tins, my relatives got to work with a will rarely seen at home, and before you could say ?Tony Mowbray?, the mural had a new legend?.. WBA RULE OK! And, according to them, it was still there the day they left for the flight home. Must have caused a bit of head-scratching among non-footballing Spaniards, that one. Just confirms what I?ve long said about my noisy sister, can?t take her anywhere ? except to apologise!

Two. Whatever happened to the old-time Government publicity campaign for safe driving, once given the stark TV and cinema strapline: ?KEEP DEATH OFF THE ROAD!?? The reason I ask is because a little bird recently told me that a certain young lady, who got her GCSE results only last week, is now practising her embryonic driving skills off-road! Just as well, really, as my information has it that she?s spending the best part of her time there, largely concentrating upon NOT hitting things!

 - Glynis Wright

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