The Diary

14 March 2007: Of Lucky Black Cats, And Other Pertinent Matters.

Want to know something? I really laughed like a drain after Sky?s live game this evening, Sunderland versus The Potties, finished 2-2. Not so much at the home side?s maddeningly-late equaliser, more at Sky?s trailer for tomorrow night?s live fare, and very much back to Premiership territory, surprise, surprise. It?s Chelsea versus Man City, should you manage to muster sufficient motivational force to get a-tapping your remotes in less than 24 hours time. And, in the light of what?s currently going on at the top of the Championship, you really do have to ask of yourselves one simple question before you do hit that ?zap? button, viz: why the hell should I expend precious time and energy in watching what is, to all intents and purposes, a done deal anyway?

With more than three quarters of the current season over, that?s a more-than-pertinent question. We all know who?s going to win the Prem, and barring same last-minute shuffles among the current top four, we?ve all got a pretty good idea of how the finish will actually pan out in terms of the final table, and how it reads by that time. Just a case of the moneybags elite shuffling places around slightly. So why the hell tune in on tomorrow?s bore-fest, when for far less in terms of outlay, you can get a much bigger piece of the live action a la Championship? And it?s not just this column saying that: even hard-bitten football journos are now starting to think the unthinkable. The accuracy of such thinking was certainly borne out tonight, as both Sunderland and Stoke applied to tonight?s fixture some bloody big licks, when it came to both attitude and entertainment value. And it?s not just tonight?s happenings on Wearside, either, as you?ll see in due course.

It was The Potties that took a pretty-unlikely lead, with a 20th minute strike that was, quite frankly, fortuitous, the Mackems keeper being caught half asleep, or so it seemed to me, then the home side equalising within about 60 seconds of the ref signalling the legality of that successful Stokie effort. Much later, Stoke took the lead again, and this time, with an exquisite effort, well struck, truly deserving of a goal. In fact, they could have made it 3-1, after some superb twisting and turning from Ricardo Fuller: once at the byeline, he then screwed the ball back sufficiently to set them up nicely for the ball to sneak in courtesy the far post, and with every Mackem defender in creation seemingly navel-gazing at the time, too.

Sadly for the Pottie Baggies reject, the ball then, somewhat unsportingly, hit the wrong side of the woodwork, and the fleeting nailed-on chance was gone. Stoke should rue that moment: just two or so minutes from the end, Sunderland finally snatched a point from the stinking morass into which it looked irretrievably fallen. Just the sort of luck you expect from a side looking very much on course for automatic promotion. Carry on as they are, and I can?t see anyone stopping them. Can you?

But, having said all that, just look at the top of the table as it now stands. After all of this evening?s various twists and convolutions, only one side currently in the top ten ? Preston ? won, and none at all in either automatic or play-off spots. Derby and Southampton drew, Blues and The Dingles both lost, the latter fixture being considerably enlivened by the loss of the gold and cack?s McNamara not long before the break: a second yellow card for a foul on Coventry?s Osbourne, apparently. A shame it wasn?t for ?violent conduct? mind: then it would have merited a three game absence. Cardiff?s performance was the best of the night, however, in coming back from 2-0 down, away from home, to record a splendid sharing of the points come the final whistle. Southampton are no mugs, believe you me. True, it still leaves the Welsh side breathing down our scraggy little fifth-placed necks, but of the two alternative endings, I know which one I?d have preferred, given the choice.

So what, in practical terms, does this all mean for us, tomorrow? To put it bluntly, never have we had a more opportune time to simply go out and kick us some profitable ass. We may have dropped relatively low in terms of Championship placings, of late, but put the Selhurst Park club to the sword tomorrow night, and we could be back up to fourth again, and very much cooking on gas. Palace are currently nesting in 11th place, ten points off the play-offs. Do-able for them, that much-coveted end-of-season Holy Grail ? just about ? but only if they start stringing together some three-pointers, and the sooner, the better. Their only hope, tomorrow night, will be to go out right from the start, and try kicking lumps out of us at every available opportunity. As recent events have shown all too well, adopting this kind of game-plan can prove surprisingly effective when doing battle with the Baggies, be it home, away, or at the motorway services, for all I know.

Mind you, come this evening, we didn?t half have to do some soul-searching when making a decision whether to watch Sky, or tune in to something that had sod-all to do with football, instead. I could well understand my other half?s reluctance to visit what could have proven to be a crime-scene of heartbreaking proportions: he had such an early start today, poor lamb, bound for a meeting in the Smoke, needing to catch a 6.45 am train from Sandwell and Dudley station to London Euston, and didn?t want to see his adrenal glands producing to sleep-postponing excess. (I?ll very quickly gloss over the fact that his gaffers sent him there and back first class, and with a buckshee full English breakfast outbound ? bacon, egg, fried slice, and just about every cholesterol-busting trimming you can think of, likely or unlikely ? thrown in for full measure!) ?Shall we or shan?t we?? mused a still very-relaxed ?Im Indoors, remote poised in hot little hand.

In the end, as you?ve already seen, we decided to bite the bullet anyway ? and, in retrospect, I?m mighty glad we did. Leaving out how badly our League position and fading hopes of automatic promotion might have been affected, for a moment, that game really was meaty stuff: compared to the insipid fare currently on offer in the top flight, our chosen Mackem-Potties thrash really was three star Michelin award-status-type cuisine. To resurrect a term much used during the earlier period of the Cold War, when ICBM?s were in the research stage, and therefore still subject to a certain amount of financial scrutiny, however cursory, by countries and ideologies daft enough to fall into that particular economy-stripping bottomless pit, just how much more ?bang for your buck? could you possibly want?

And so we return once more to tomorrow night?s caper. As I intimated on Sunday night, following our late-doors Molineux defeat, I reckon that our players will know by now that they sure as hell ?owe us one?. Checking out the Palace website, they?ll be without Jobi McAnuff (hamstring), Mark Kennedy, ditto ?hell, I never realised it was contagious! ? and Paul Ifill (Achilles tendon). All are reportedly in the recovery stage, but not sufficiently enough to make their selection a possibility. A knee injury has also seen off Shefki Kuqi, but in contrast with all the above, there is a chance, albeit a remote one, of his name appearing in lights on their team-sheet.

Mind you, I did have a little chuckle ? all right, then, I confess: a bloody big belly laugh! ? when I saw the last paragraph of that piece. It states that we?re currently without John Hartson, a guy they call an ?experienced striker?, courtesy a knee injury! If only they knew what we do about the elegant, lovely and currently useless Mister H, shiny bald pate NOT sponsored by the makers of ?Regaine?! Turning to the rest of the side, Ellington apart, suspended, of course, what other changes can we expect?

Don?t forget, we have one hell of a battle with the Bluenoses coming up this Sunday, which just happens to be, inappropriately enough, one of the ?mothering? variety. I guess there?ll be very little in the way of maternal feelings shown out there on the day, so whatever you do, don?t invite ?the dragon? to this thrash! Will our leader rest people as much as possible, or will he shove the full measure out there, in order to give our chances of securing all three points the maximum assistance they can get?

We certainly don?t have any major injury problems, right now. One big worry, though, is bookings: we currently have Joe Kamara, Paul Robinson and Darren Carter on nine. One more from either or all, and they then face two games on the sidelines. Hairy, very hairy. Was that an apple you just swallowed, or was it just your vocal chords going ?Gulp!?? Apparently, Mogga has told all those hovering too close to the edge for comfort to cut out the silly stuff, the sort of avoidable disciplinary lapses that lead to whistlers brandishing yellow cards in quantity. A sensible move, that; sadly, you just can?t legislate for sheer stupidity, or chronic lack of common sense, if you like, as frequently shown by match officials on the day.

And, while I think about it, my enquiries have now revealed that we will have someone going by the somewhat unlikely name of K. Friend in charge tomorrow evening, with N Murphy and G.T. Stott his flag-waving sidekicks. Fourth official? J.A. Sheffield, believe it or not. Let?s just hope his footballing affiliations are not in any sort of sympathy with his surname, then. As for the scheduled whistler, it?s not a name I?m all that familiar with. Usually that augers well for how the game is subsequently managed: however, I will be asking The Noise if he knows anything about Chummy, while we?re in the Hawthorns pub, pre-match, tomorrow evening. Being possessive of an almost encyclopaedic memory, when it comes to all things concerning The Beautiful Game, if there?s any dirt to be dished at all, then our garrulous compadre will spill the beans with very little persuasion on our part.

Let me just finish by saying that this is truly a ?must win? for us: tonight?s results have given us the unexpected coda to our promotion ambitions we didn?t truly deserve, after last Sunday?s Molineux balls-up. If we don?t get a result after tonight?s relatively disastrous showing for the current top ten, then all I can say is that we don?t have the necessary bottle to go up as of right. End Of.

And Finally?. On the face of it, it would seem that rumours of our recent interest in the phocine persuasion?s Juan Pablo Angel have been greatly exaggerated. Most media sources tonight seem to be saying ?Not on your Nelly, Albion?. Confusingly, though, at the time of publication in yet another article, Head Seal Martin O?Neill was merely denying any sort of contact whatsoever from his ambitious next-door neighbours.

Could go either way, this one: is that merely a veiled hint to our chairman that sensible offers would be more than welcome, or do we go with the consensus, assume that Martin Has Spoken ex-cathedra, and we?ve now got about as much chance of landing the Colombian as I have of making the team-sheet for our next scheduled home game? There have been a good many denials elsewhere, ?tis true, but as I?ve stated on many, many occasions ? and been subsequently proven right a whole lot more than the times I haven?t! ? in football, a ?no? can very often mean ?maybe?. Watch this space: despite that apparent knock-back, this particular issue could still have legs.

 - Glynis Wright

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