The Diary

10 February 2007: Snow Joke, This - Will Our Game Be On, Or Not?

Guess what? The Black Country and surrounding areas are currently well and truly closed. That?s right, non-operational; stopped up; congested; clogged; blocked; bunged-up. How many ways would you like me to say the same thing? It all started just a couple of days ago, when the widely-predicted white stuff ? no, not yet another consignment of cocaine arrived through various clandestine channels, just honest-to-goodness snow ? began to descend in quantity.

Come that same evening, about three inches worth of white down had settled where we live, by far the most we?d seen in these parts for absolute yonks, bringing back vagueish memories of the last time I?d seen the stuff descend in this sort of quantity, around 16 or 17 years ago. Nowhere near the hellish 1963 ice-out, of course, either then, or now, but still serving as a sharp reminder from Mother Nature that although she may be playing second fiddle to global warming right now, despite her advanced years, she?s still perfectly capable of delivering an icy weather shock or three whenever suitably minded.

Left at that, it wouldn?t have mattered a stuff, really: having had plenty of warning from the Met Office for once, the country was prepared to batten down the hatches, and just wait until the temperature rose once more, which is what normally happens after a heavy dusting of snow, these days. The council had all their gritters and snowploughs on full alert, for once ? well they did have tons of gritting salt, practically untouched for the last two years running, in stock - so keeping the roads open was never a real issue, at first, and the same could be said for all the emergency services, too. A minor inconvenience, at most, was the prediction ? and, until early today, this indeed seemed to be the case.

It all started going pear-shaped around lunchtime, which was when I first poked my snot-ridden nose outside our house to pick up my daily paper. As I made the short journey up the road in the direction of town, those pesky white flakes began to appear once more: a few, at first, then massively increased quantities, very much suggestive of the fact that God might be in dire need of a bottle or two of ?Head And Shoulders? before the day was through. Yep, what I was facing was a semi-blizzard, all right ? but the real problem was that none of it had been predicted by the Met Office. Truly one of their greatest ?Oh, S**t!? moments, I?ll wager ? and the knock-on effects would prove horrendous.

Take my other half, for example. His place of work is situated around two or three miles from where we live, and seeing the rapidly deteriorating weather conditions from his office window, he nobly volunteered to stay on so that the remainder of his colleagues, all with much more distant commutes to complete, could start their weary treks home. An action very much in keeping with those courageous gentlemen of the Titanic, who sacrificed their places in the lifeboats to allow women and children a fair chance of survival ? but this was the West Midlands, 2007, not the Atlantic Ocean, 1912. The problem was, by the time my other half managed to get away and get to his shiny new motor, just about every road out of the City was in gridlock, and unlike the rapidly-freezing temperatures outside, its immobile car-users fast approaching meltdown.

The first I knew about all this was around five today, when hubbie first rang me to say he was well and truly stuck fast, and wasn?t going anywhere for the next couple of hours or so: and so it was to prove. I finally saw his ugly mush show through our front door some THREE hours later: by my calculations, an educated snail could have slithered the entire distance in a walk in that time. Or hubbie have flown to Southern Spain, or Southern Italy instead. Assuming Birmingham Airport was open, of course, which it wasn?t ? their Air Traffic Control had given the whole thing up as a bad job a good deal earlier this afternoon.

So what has all this to do with our favourite football team, then? Well, loads: even the densest of Dingles will rapidly appreciate by looking outside their windows that unless this lot miraculously clears itself between now and midday (and in the case of our game, possibly well before that, in order to give the Southampton lot due warning not to bother), we ain?t going to have a game to go to. True, we do have a heated pitch, and I?m certain that Albion will have already pulled out all the stops to ensure every single blade of grass is toasted right to its ickle pinkies, but it?s the many approach roads and streets that are likely to prove really problematic. If this latest lot freezes as forecast, then conditions will be treacherous underfoot: faced with that horrendous prospect, most Chief Plods would want to opt for extreme caution, thereby covering their own back sides, in effect.

At the time of writing, I?ve seen absolutely nothing to suggest that tomorrow?s game will be called off ? in fact, BBC Midlands Today never mentioned our level at all, but did appeal for volunteers to shift snow from Shrewsbury Town?s Gay Meadow ground so they could get their game played - but as I intimated earlier, a decision will have to be made at first light, so as to spare our Saints counterparts the trouble of travelling all that distance for nothing. Mind you, even had the weather been OK, they would still have a waste?.. Aw, you know what I mean! Having checked a Southampton website tonight to see what they?ve been told, at the moment, Albion still reckon the game to be ON. As there?s yet another heavy fall of snow forecast to hit the area tonight, I?d be inclined to take that one with a liberal pinch of gritting salt! The moral of the story really has to be: ?check first before starting out?.

Having said all that, game or no game, our presence there might still be highly desirable. There?s tickets to be grabbed, of course, for forthcoming games, like the one at the Giant Crisp Packet, Leicester, and a ringside seat at The Great Dingle Demolition Derby Part Three (said she, hopefully!). Not that I?ll be braving the elements to queue, mind: I?m still lumbered with heavy cold/flu symptoms, so will be making an appearance for the game proper only, should that not be postponed. Very nobly, my other half will be doing all the hard yakka on that score, grabbing all our ill-gotten gains, then picking me up afterwards. Having said all that, should transport difficulties (and the ambient temperature!) be anywhere near as bad as they are tonight, then it might well be that my other half will only have but a short wait to get his ticketing needs attended to, of course. The Fart worries me, though. He insisted upon grabbing his loot earlier, which means we won?t be sitting together on the day. Come on, Tel, what?s the problem? Have we both developed galloping BO, or something?

Should it actually go ahead, this really will be a game where I?ll be staying in the pub until the very last moment, and only hauling my carcass across Halfords Lane when I know there?s but a few minutes remaining until the ?off?. At the moment, I truly look (and, more importantly, feel!) like something the cat dragged in: whatever it was I had, it?s been bloody vicious in its effects upon my physiology these past few days. Today?s the first time I?ve felt anywhere near normal ? yeah, I know, cue for joke, ?what?s ?normal??? Well, whatever its definition, mine certainly ain?t spending half the night coughing up great lumps of discoloured goo, of that I can assure you!

In the eventuality of the game actually being allowed to kick-off as per billing ? and I will be surprised should it happen, given the rotten state of the weather around here, right now - what?s the latest low-down on both sides, then? Let?s start with poor Curtis Davies, whose defensive mistake during an appearance for the England U21 side in midweek proved to be a tad career-stopping for the lad. He also busted his nose while he was at it, but has since been given the OK to play tomorrow, by all accounts. What? In this sort of weather? Ouch!

McDonald was also in the wars last week, playing for the Holland U21side versus Denmark, but is reported to be back in training, so not much bother expected there, then. Darren Carter is also in the wars: he?s reported to be nursing a heel injury after being forced to limp out of a reserve side appearance versus Bradford earlier in the week. He?s back in training, apparently ? but is he fit?

One chappie who most definitely IS fit, but won?t be present for tomorrow?s frolics, on account of a pesky two-match ban recently imposed for either farting in church, or incurring successive referees? yellow carded wrath on no fewer than TEN occasions thus far this term ? you work it out for yourselves which is applicable ? is Jonathan Greening, our tame ?Shameless? dysfunctional leading-role lookalike. Whether he might want to take the similarity to the head of the Gallagher household to the point of getting as thoroughly bevvied-up and chaotic as he, I wouldn?t really know - but hell! You never know, such outlandish behaviour might even enliven trips to a few of our more far-flung away destinations!

Southampton? Their midfield chappie Inigo Idiakez is currently suspended, so won?t be partaking of this particular quickstep, I fear. Rudi Skacel? Another midfielder, he has a back injury, by all accounts ? did I hear a great shout of ?WIMP!? from you lot just now? ? and will be sitting this one out also. Andy Suram is back for but a few short games, a brief ray of sunshine on what will undoubtedly be a dour encounter, while striker Kenwyne Jones returns to full fitness also.

What we will have to do, mind, should the game go ahead as billed, is watch out for their striker, a lad called Grzegorz Rasiak. He?s as big a streak of gnat?s pee as Peter Crouch, by all accounts, and because of his similar height, is as potentially big a goalmouth nuisance as the Ex-Seal-turned-Liverpool-performer is for the Merseysiders. Having said all that, we just happen to have a few useful goalscorers of our own, right now.

Assuming our game does get played, what will be really interesting is seeing which strikeforce proves the most effective of the two. It?s certainly a massive fixture: win, and we go an awful long way towards settling their automatic promotion hash for them: draw, and they remain a pain in the fundament for the remainder of the season: lose, and we?ve got problems, more like than not. Before all that icy dandruff outside chose to put in an appearance, I?d have gone for the home win every time, but now? Hmmm, have to face conditions like this, and you?re entering a bit of a lottery, undersoil heating there, or not. OK - I?ll still go for a win, but given the state of the weather, it might well prove a bit of a Pyrrhic victory in the long-term.

In addition to what one might term their ?bog-standard performers?, Saints still retain the youthful services of one Gareth Bale. Surprising, that, as the lad was being chased by Man United, Spurs and The Arse during the entire period of the January Sales. Strange, though, that not one of those three subsequently decided to put their money where their mouths undoubtedly were. I wonder why it was their ardour cooled so rapidly over that 31-day period, then? A reluctance to shell out silly sums of money, all of a sudden? Or could it be that everyone concerned has simply opted to keep their powder dry until the end of the season, giving them all a few more precious months to discover whether or not their potential wunderkind really does have what it takes to succeed in the Prem?

One additional little snippet of news concerns Alby: according to one report, he?s now making real progress with that injury of his, and should be back in contention very soon indeed. Hell, the club are even saying he?s fit to play for real, but let me put it this way: don?t expect to see him strutting his stuff for a game or two, as yet.

And yet another is wrapped around Steve Watson: Sheffield Wednesday have now agreed to take the lad on loan, until the end of the season being the likely term, with the possibility of a permanent post there the eventual lure, I suppose. Interesting to note that there?s a clause written into his loan deal that he can?t turn out for Wednesday against us, both clubs being due to lock horns (beaks, given it?s The Owls versus The Throstles? Oh, suit yerselves?.) towards the end of term.

And Finally?.. This one simply has to go into my list of all-time ?Unlikely Day Jobs For Ex-Albion Players?! Remember Stacey Caldicott, who graced our ranks under Buckley, around 12 or so years ago? Well, he?s now well and truly re-surfaced. But as a fireman? In Grimsby? Now I?ve finished rolling around the floor, while scaring the living daylights out of all four cats with great hoots of laughter, finally, just one small observation (a bit like our former Baggie chum, in fact!).

When Stacey played for us, I knew for a fact he wasn?t much taller than this column, by the simple expedient of standing right next to him on the Isle Of Man Ferry! (In one particular mad - Buckley-inspired? - moment, the club entered our first team for the island?s pre-season knock-out competition, still quite popular among lower-league north-western sides wanting a cheap warm-up for the forthcoming League campaign, apparently. Mind you, we did win it the first (and only!) time of asking, and our followers all had a pretty rib-tickling time of it on the island as well, so it wasn?t quite the crashing disaster everyone forecast!) All-told, I would say Stacey?s around five foot six at most, so how the hell did he then become a helmeted rescuer of cats from trees, and testosterone-rich saviour of syncope-struck ladies too close to incineration for comfort?

And in any case, wasn?t the reason he finally left the game a niggling back complaint that only complete severance from the game would alleviate? Having had mine for quite some time, now, it does give me a unique perspective on such matters, one being that anyone told not to pursue an occupation likely to exacerbate lumbar symptoms (and possibly make the original problem even worse by doing so) would find it highly inadvisable to then pursue a second career doing precisely that. And, in any case, with a condition like that, how the hell did he get through the Fire Brigade?s stringent medical in the first place? Sure, I know they?re far less discerning than they used to be these days, but even then, would someone forced to leave their previous job on medical grounds be regarded by them as what you might term ?a sound investment for the future?? No ? and I can?t work it out either.

 - Glynis Wright

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