The Diary

21 September 2006: Coup - Fancy That?

Back again, and after the mental torment of last night?s League Cup shenanigans, I thought I?d not plunge into my normal format straight away, but offer you a little bit of light ? and totally Albion-free ? relief beforehand. What started it all off, actually, was picking up my Guardian this morning and reading about a military coup - in Thailand, of all places. An unlikely sort of location for such drastic action, I would have said, not least because I?d always considered that country to enjoy one of the most politically-stable governments in the entire Far East. Looks like I was dead wrong.

I?m sure one of my regular readers, a Baggie chappie called Adam Cotton, who just happens to live and work in that country, can fill me in much better as to what has brought this strange state of affairs on in the first place, but what really caught my attention this morning was a detailed description of events in the streets of Bangkok, the capital. Unbelievably, this is an extremely polite military insurrection, with numerous flower-toting soldiers seemingly given strict orders to turn on the charm when dealing with civilians, a fact that must surely make this one of the most bizarre military revolts in the history of the entire Far East, if not the entire planet.

And if the TV pictures I?ve seen are anything to go by, they truly are apologetic about it all, and not just putting on a front for the benefit of the massed gathering of disbelieving hacks that?s assembled in the capital over the course of the last two days or so. In fact, the senior army officers behind the whole thing have since gone on record as saying that the sooner they get civvies back running things, the better ? and as for the Royal Family, the national institution that?s normally first up against the wall or exiled when this sort of thing occurs, historically speaking (vide Russia, pre-war Spain, Italy etc) the sooner they can get back to the things that really matter to the military mind, like restoring the optimum reflectivity-level of all those now well-dusty and scuffed army boots, say, or the micro-measurement of platoon alignment when on the parade ground, all the better, too.

It all served to get me thinking a little. Imagine walking through those Bangkok streets, not a care in the world, when someone taps you on the shoulder, you turn around, and there?s a big guy wearing military fatigues standing there wanting a quick word or three. ?So sorry to bother you when you?re so busy,? he says, ?but I?d be awfully grateful if you could help us out of a bit of a hole right now. The thing is, our general has told us we?ve got to shoot 20 opposition supporters today, or our CO gets arrested, which would be a bit of a shame, as he?s such a decent bloke.

?Only the other week, he let two of my corporals celebrate Gay Rights Day, and gave me a bit of paternity leave on top, so we really do want to keep him. It?s his birthday, soon, and our cook?s baked him such a nice cake, too. We?ve managed to round up 19 so far, but we really do need just one more to reach the quota, and keep him off our backs. Would you mind terribly if we just borrowed you for one minute, moved you just a teensy bit further towards that big wall over there, and allowed my lads to get a little bit of target practice in? It?ll only take a minute of your time, I promise, and we will put a good word in for you at the local temple when we pray there once we go off duty tonight, honest?.?

Yersss. OK? I?ve got the message, back to the football! Right then. Man City, Middlesbrough and Fulham are out of the League Cup tonight, put to the sword by Chesterfield ? who so magnificently saw off the Dingles at Saltergate in an earlier round, of course - Notts County, and Wycombe respectively. Villa, sadly, got through, but they didn?t enjoy their Glanford Park experience much, from what I could see of it. Additionally, Kevin Blackwell has been given the push at Leeds. That?s what you get for incurring, either directly or indirectly, the Wrath Of Ken, a man possessive of a truly despotic leadership style. According to my resident Elland Road contact chum, who ought to know, after all?s said and done, both he and the late Joe Stalin ? Ken Bates, that is, not my mate - would have made exceedingly-compatible bedfellows.

One thought above all others clings somewhat precariously to what vestiges of white matter I still retain after well over 40 years watching ? errr, suffering? - the Baggies, though. Will Alan Curbishley heed the keening tones of Loreli-wannabe Ken Bates?s Yorkshire siren-song, and head up North instead of the Midlands? If he does, and it?s certainly looking that way right now, then you might want to ask yourself one simple question: why spurn the overtures of another Championship football club that, outwardly at least, appears to be the complete opposite of Leeds? Albion are well into the black, fully intend to stay that way for a long, long time, and have a pretty talented first-team squad already in place, with the definite plus-point of a loyal and very vocal fan base already there in-situ. Given the right sort of leadership, despite a pretty rotten start to date, comparatively speaking, we still stand an excellent chance of making it back to the big-time. What decent gaffer could possibly resist?

Leeds, on the other hand, still remain very much in hock to their creditors, and despite some seriously-savage pruning over the course of the last three seasons, are in serious danger of getting enmeshed in a really nasty relegation struggle come the closing weeks of the current term. They?re losing grass-roots support hand over fist ? partly down to Bates bringing in swingeing price increases this season, with the concurrent introduction of a strict policy of non-communication with supporters? bodies just to pile on the grief, and a complete 180 degree turnaround from a supporter-friendly stance enjoyed previously not helping either, partly down to terminal depression/disillusionment on the part of their more serious followers ? and they don?t appear to have the luxury of players happy to move up to the Prem right now, so why go there, and not to us? Just a thought you might want to wrestle with should the former Charlton chappie end up there.

And so to further issues arising from last night. Other names allegedly reported to be in the mixer for the job have now bubbled to the surface. Make up your own mind as to who?s good and who?s extracting the urine, and in copious quantities, too. Football, like beauty, is always in the eye of the beholder. Get a hundred or so supporters of different clubs together, ask them to come up with a Top Ten of Championship managers, and you?d probably end up with a list a mile long. Peter Reid is one such rumoured to have declared his hand. Had his day, I suspect.

Dave Jones?s name has also been mentioned, although he?s still with Cardiff, of course. How much further can he take them, I wonder, given their parlous financial status, in some respects, much worse than that of Leeds? The main factor mitigating against his appointment is the fact he?s an ex-Dingle ? the first sign of trouble, the first rash of bad results we get, and the phone-in lines would be running red-hot with both savage recriminations and Dingle-like sniggers - but he did manage to get them up the same season we plummeted in the opposite direction, didn?t he? And he did seem to have struck up something of a rapport with Jason Koumas while that moody gentleman was working for the Principality club. An achievement in itself, that. With that sort of tact and diplomacy going for him, he could very probably win the Nobel Peace Prize ? and not the variety related to our current chairman, of course.

Paul Sturrock? Apparently, most Wednesday supporters don?t want him there, so I can?t really envisage Jeremy Peace picking up the phone and asking their directors for permission to talk to him. Having said that, though, I?ve seen a post that suggests he had quite a good track record bringing on youngsters when at St. Johnstone. Gary McAllister?s another whose name has been mentioned in lights. I hadn?t realised this until I found out the other day, but I?m now given to understand he left the Coventry job while the Sky Blues were doing very well in order to be with his partner, then newly-diagnosed with some form of cancer. Would he really want the hassle, I wonder?

Gary McLeish? Did well with Rangers, now wants to try his luck in England, apparently. Also worked with Alex Ferguson while he was at Aberdeen. On the other hand, I?ve seen a post from someone in the group saying he merely got lucky in the Champions League when at Ibrox. Souness? I?d rather see a Saddam Hussein-George Bush combo lording it over our technical area, to be perfectly honest. Former Seal, David O?Leary? Ditto. There?s also Steve Tilson, the Southend gaffer who seems to have put together quite a useful outfit, judging from the bad case of grief they gave us last Saturday. According to the Sun, that brightly shining beacon of truthful and impartial reportage, he?s clear favourite now Curbishley?s indicated he isn?t going to bother going for the job.

The trouble with him is that I?m given to understand he?s a Southend follower who actually got to fulfil his personal wet dream. According to a chap called Cliff Crancher, a Boing-list Baggie who lives down there and therefore ought to know, he?s a local lad made good as both player and manager. A bit like Lee Hughes, pre-terminal attack of crass stupidity, really: had he not made it into the pro ranks there, he would have been quite happy watching first team games from the Roots Hall terraces. It would take a bloody good offer to snatch him away from all that, of that I?m sure.

As for The Fart, he appears to have the ?hots? for currently-jobless Kevin Keegan, assuming he?d actually be willing to re-enter the managerial lunatic asylum, of course. As I said last night, though, it might well be that come the first sign of trouble, or supporter unrest, even, in the camp, and he would be on his bike as quick as you like, but of one thing I?m really sure. There would never be a dull moment, either at the Hawthorns or on the road, should he ever get the Albion nod! Lots of goals scored, sure ? but lots more shipped, also. Big Ron another possibility, Tel? You?re having a laugh! Apart from the fact he?s well and truly past his sell-by date these days, on the two previous occasions he came to our rescue, he ended up taking his bling-ridden services elsewhere, and very unexpectedly, too. If I had any sort of say on who gets the job, he most certainly wouldn?t be getting a look-in, even, of Chance Number Three.

Me? Having seen so many potted managerial CVs on here over the course of the last couple of days, I?m now suffering from a bad case of information-overload! When I last pottered around various websites, one had Cotterill clear favourite to get the nod, and because Curbishley has effectively ruled himself out of the running, the odds on him coming have lengthened dramatically. Interestingly enough, Pearson now seems to be 5-1. Presumably, last night?s win enhanced his managerial credentials enormously. One thought, though. Would he want it, if offered, and if so, would Albion supporters support him as the new gaffer? Come to think about it, would most of our players?

Dave Jones is now 10-1 (see above for my take on that one). Shocked and appalled, I am, to discover that Graham Souness now stands at a mere 12-1. The odds have shortened, and dramatically, too. EEEEEEK!! Also at these odds is Mike Newell, Luton?s current gaffer. Another name chucked into the pot, Mick Wadsworth, the chap who Peace wanted to bring in as Director Of Football or similar, allegedly, thereby partially igniting the fuse that led to Robson?s departure. Has really done well at Gretna, mind, and on a budget, too. Offered at odds of 14-1, he might just be a credible outsider to get the job. John Gregory?s name has also appeared in the frame, may the Good Lord preserve us, and at similar odds to Newell. I?d much rather stick my head under a ten-ton steam press, and flick the switch, thank you very much. Glenn Hoddle? You saw what I thought of that idea the other day, so I can only hope the lengthy odds currently on offer (16-1) reflect that, plus those of the vast majority of our supporters.

That?s the leading pack, then. Bringing up the rear are such worthies as Alex McLeish (see above) 20-1, also Lawrie Sanchez at the same odds. Has to be a rank outsider, that one. It seems to me that should the Chosen One not come from that little lot above, it?ll be someone so totally off the wall, we?ll either be storming Jeremy Peace?s East Stand Olympus with total indignation writ large upon our collective faces, or sitting in a pub somewhere, and saying with a degree of sagacity and sobriety truly wondrous to behold: ?Why the bloody hell didn?t we think of HIM??

One small piece of news that got buried in the kerfuffle accompanying Robson?s departure, though ? and in my opinion, it needs a much bigger airing. According to several Baggies via Boing, not so very long ago, Michael Appleton passed his EUFA coaching certificates with the highest-ever mark recorded. Lets hope that whoever takes over retains him; he seems to be a talent, and hopefully his constant ?can do? attitude can rub off on some of our less-than-focussed players. That awful injury of his, tragic as it was, seems to have been the making of him as a potential coach. That apart, he does have a genuinely enthusiastic attitude to his duties, and a smashing personality to boot. I can just picture him working with our kids. Even if the next managerial incumbent doesn?t take a shine to Appy, I?m damn sure he?ll be a bloody huge success, no matter where he lands up after The Hawthorns.

Back again on Friday night, nicely in time to preview the Luton game, and one to which there might be a wee twist in the tail involved, should their gaffer chuck his official hat into the ring over the course of the next few days. What used to be The Dick Away Team ? well, three-quarters of it, at any rate, The Noise being at his place of work that day ? will be doing the Kenilworth Road Shuffle (well, you try sitting still in a seat with a similar amount of leg-space on offer for any great length of time, and see where you get ? into the local A and E, with classical symptoms of deep vein thrombosis, probably) along with everyone else! Doncha just lurve the place? No? Oh well ? at least I tried.

And Finally?.. Sorry to leave this a little later than I would have ideally liked, Sauce, but what with all the kerfuffle, media and otherwise, that occurred in the wake of Robson?s departure and everything, I plumb-near forgot about the little billet-doux you gave me before the Leicester game last Saturday. So, without further ado, here?s the stuff you wanted me to advertise for you:

?Black Country Albion?, the alternative Baggies away-travel service that our friend runs, is now taking bookings for the following games: 1) Saturday 23rd September (the next one) when we play Luton Town at their place, and: 2) Saturday 14th October, for the Ipswich Town Portman Road caper. Also, he?s currently taking advance bookings for Tuesday 17th October, when we travel to Crystal Palace. Departure times for the first two are 10 am (Brierley Hill pickup point), and 11 am for West Bromwich proper. The lad also picks up at Cradley, Dudley, Tipton and Great Bridge, with departure times for those by application, as he never gave me any! The telephone number you need, either to book or ask for more details re: prices, etc ? I don?t have them to hand either ? is 07790 396 316. Now go hit that dial! You know it makes sense!

With Sauce, the usual matchday deals apply: Accompanied U16s go for ?10 across the board, all League and Cup games inclusive, and there?s always a decent ?drinking stop? at licensed premises included on the way to games. In the case of the Palace trip, this will comprise a stopover at the famous ?Albion? pub, located in Bethnal Green. On a recent London away trip, The Fart actually had the pleasure of being taken there by his travelling companions, and what with all the Albion stuff hanging on the walls there and everything, found it a most enjoyable pre-match diversion, too.

 - Glynis Wright

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