The Diary

30 August 2003: Ram-Raiding, Baggies Style?

A great big belated ?hello? to the planet Mars tonight. Yep, I know that ruddy orb made its closest approach to Earth on Wednesday night, but so engrossed was I with the Dingles facing a Red Menace of a totally different order, I completely forgot to mention it. As we were in the grip of an ice-age the last time we came so close, they might find things a little different, now, global warming being what it is. It goes without saying that if there are any Martians reading this, if you want to sample some decent Earth football, I can get you into our ground, no bother. Just be careful where you trail those bloody tentacles, though; one trip, and the stewards will sling you out, no messing.

Onto more mundane matters, then, namely our short trip up the A38 tomorrow. On paper, it looks like a no-brainer ? Albion to conquer lowly Derby in a walk ? but being Albion supporters, you should all know better than that by now. I?m most certainly not taking anything for granted tomorrow; George Burley?s no mug, as demonstrated by what he did with Ipswich Town a few seasons back. There?s also that ?1919? albatross hanging around our feathery necks, which represents quite a psychological barrier in itself. The fundamental problem with Derby is they have no money, all their big earners ? e.g. Ravanelli, etc. - are now off their books, and they?re now having to manage the best they can with what they?ve got. I?ve predicted a 1-1 draw tomorrow, but should we do better than that, no-one will be more delighted than me. Having seen us get more League pastings than I?d care to mention at their place (well, the old Baseball Ground, awful bog of a pitch and all, if you want to go all pedantic on me), it would be rather spiffing to exit the place with a bloody great smile on my face for once. Mind you, talking about smiles, that?s one thing you most certainly won?t get from their stewards; miserable sods, the lot of them, with a marked antipathy towards both fanzine sellers and people daring to come to the game simply expecting to enjoy themselves. Don?t say I didn?t warn you.

The burning question tomorrow will be one of whether to start with Danny Dichio, or go with Hulse instead. Personally, I?d plump for the latter, as we didn?t really seem to achieve that much on Monday, pumping long ball after long-ball over the heads of the midfield in a generally-vain attempt to seek out that of our tall striker. Apart from that, it?s as boring as hell to watch, but an excellent cure for insomnia, should anyone have problems in that direction. On the other hand, I?d definitely not recommend falling asleep; the Fart told me today that someone did precisely that at one club recently, was aroused by the stewards after the final whistle ? then promptly arrested for being drunk in a football ground!

The other poser, of course, is that of whether to plonk AJ or Sakiri in the middle. Personally, I?d prefer to see Artim strut his stuff, at least initially, but Meggo might feel differently about it. Another factor in the equation is the E and S report tonight that Volmer and Siggy were both fit and raring to go. The former player has done well to overcome his injuries; when I saw him sustain that nasty head problem after that collision on Monday ? there was one hell of a lot of blood on his shirt, and I wasn?t surprised to subsequently learn he?d had stitches inserted ? I expressed severe doubts as to his availability for tomorrow?s game. Presumably, they breed ?em tough over in Europe!

It?s looking as though things are now moving pretty rapidly on the Jason Roberts front. Latest scuttlebutt from the club?s website is Leicester want him on loan for the rest of the season ? of course, this would have to be a done deal pretty quickly, as there?s an end-of-month Premiership transfer deadline to consider ? and the other, more likely, option is that of Wigan having his services on a permanent basis for around two and a half million quid. As far as the club is concerned, I reckon the latter scenario would be the more preferable of the two, as that sort of money comes in quite handy for when you want to strengthen the side. Albion seem to be leaning that way, as Wigan?s offer has been reportedly accepted by the club. The possible financial bonus for us is that should they win promotion by the end of 2004-05, we get another quarter of a million from them. Of course, it may be that having seen ?the lights of Gay Paree?, as the song goes, our disaffected striker might well want to go to Leicester instead; there, he?d get Premiership football, and an excellent chance to prove the pundits wrong.

As far as Jason himself is concerned, I?d say of the two, the Wigan option would be the more beneficial to him, as he already knows their current striker ? ?Duke? Ellington ? quite well: the two of them were at Bristol Rovers together. There?s also not the psychological barrier of having to adjust to the Premiership once more. He already knows what Division One?s all about, and given the chance to do so, more than likely, he?ll excel at that level. I really hope something is sorted out for Jason very soon, because whatever disagreements he?s had with our manager, he?s a very talented player, not to mention a very pleasant and polite young man to talk to, and what didn?t work out for him here could well do so in a different environment. And, of course, if the Wigan deal went through, we?d get our initial outlay on the player back. I can?t help feeling, though, that should Jason take the option provided by the Lancashire club, he?ll be approaching our fixtures, both home and away, with something of a point to prove. To use a ?certain someone?s? favourite expression, he?ll be ?as slippery as a box of frogs? to mark should he be wearing a Latics shirt when we next meet. I just hope our lot will be at their talented best, should that prove to be the case.

And finally?.. As I?ve had to endure yet another acupuncture session today, I have to report this column currently feels rather like a Tetley tea-bag; full of a thousand perforations. This time ? my GP is a Villa supporter, and I swear he takes the many failings of his mob out on me, sometimes! ? the heartless so-and-so left the needles in for a good half hour, so if you see me outside Pride Park tomorrow doing John Wayne impersonations, you?ll know the reason why! As for offering me liquid refreshment in the pub, if you don?t want to get ?sprinkled? courtesy of the numerous holes in my back, don?t bother.

One interesting phone call from The Fart this afternoon, though. Before the game, we?ll be meeting up with a guy called Fred Motson tomorrow. I daresay you?ve worked it out by now he?s the son of the famous commentator, but he?s an Albion supporter through and through, and will be bawling with the rest of ?em come three o?clock tomorrow afternoon. Which is more than you can say for Dad; he?ll be covering the Dingles game, much to his disgust. The reason? Motson The Elder, reputedly, has a few bob on our favourite football club boinging straight back into the Prem come the end of current hostilities; I?m reliably informed he got 8-1 for the wager, which would be a nice little earner for him should we do the biz in May.

One other thought concerning The Fart; some of you might have recently tried sending him email ? and then chucked things against the wall in fury when the stuff sent came bouncing straight back. We?ve had no problems of this nature, but I do know several people who have, which is why El Tel?s going to try getting the address changed. Poor Tel; if it?s not one thing with his PC, it?s another. I?m now convinced he is to silicon chips what icebergs were to the Titanic! It?s one contentious digit that causes all the problems, apparently, so he?s going to have words with his service provider to sort things out. Until then, if you can?t get through to our well-worn co-editor, hang loose. Oh ? one other thought. When Tel gets really ratty with something or someone, he embarks on a mad house-cleaning spree, as those who read this column immediately after both the Blues and Villa games last season will recall. As he?s so fed up with his ?er ? equipment right now, it might be worth your while asking if he?s taking bookings, so get in quick.

 - Glynis Wright

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