The Diary

29 March 2006: Does The Lower Division Beckon For The Baggies?

Oh, brother ? am I getting the feeling we?re well and truly headed for the municipal dump, and not even the passage of 24 hours has helped erase the sickly queasiness I?m getting in my tum right now. Normally, win, lose, draw or whatever, I?m quite happy to spend time schlepping around our local shops, and batting the breeze with other ?sufferers? in an effort to ascertain what went right/wrong/pear-shaped, but today, the last thing I needed was post-match discourse of any sort. I even made a point of avoiding The Bluenose Butcher; just now, his kind of meaty action is the very last thing I want to encounter before the sun?s even risen over the yardarm.

And the sickening manner of our failure at White Hart Lane hasn?t done a lot for my health and temper, either; not for the first time this season, I really feel sorry for Robbo. In a game that seems to have more than its fair share of absolute slimebags running things at top-level ? do feel free to insert your own personal choice of prime examples, dear readers! - he invariably presents as one of football?s more sensitive, thoughtful and decent souls. Come the final whistle last night, the look of complete and utter disgust on his face spoke volumes of ?War And Peace? dimensions, as well it might.

The top and bottom line of last night?s away performance was our inability to wrest a point, even, from a game where we genuinely seemed to have most things under control at the back, despite having conceded that Keane equaliser midway through the second half. No real quibble with that; it was a masterly strike indeed, and that sort of thing I can live with. As for what happened in the last minute ? well, that?s cottton-pickin? different, ain?t it? When the same ex-Dingle came to bury that spot-kick my thoughts turned to all those hardy souls mustered in the away end who?d taken considerable trouble to make the long, tedious (not to mention cripplingly-expensive, in terms of Spurs admission prices, that is, when you come to factor that into the final bill for both afternoon and evening) coach journey down the M1.

Loyalty writ large, exceedingly large, even. In the form of blagged time off from work, imaginatively-created dead grannies, not to mention the rapid and alarming development of symptoms of a kind rarely seen in the annals of modern gastrointestinal medicine, in fact, and with sod-all to show for such blind allegiance, save heartbreak of the cruellest kind. ? and, quite possibly, that of an instantaneously career-stopping nature, too, should some travelling Baggie or other be unlucky enough to have their TV-watching line manager spot the previously-ailing ?patient? giving their vocal chords a pretty hard test-drive right in the middle of the away end!

What made things even worse, though, was the reckless manner in which we threw all three points away, and in the very last minute of normal time, too. The Pole In Goal, normally an immaculate and completely reliable performer between the sticks, has an awful lot to answer for right now, I?m afraid. What on earth was he thinking of when he totally stuffed up what should have been a copper-bottomed, no-brained custodial task? I guess Robbo is asking similar himself, today. I don?t know how the phrase ?you owe us one big-time for that mistake? reads in Polish ? perhaps either one of the Lepkowska/ski combo can put me right on that one, sometime? ? but that?s the top and bottom line of what most of our supporters are thinking, right now. And, after seeing the murderous look on Robbo?s face right at the end of last night?s game, I guess he didn?t need the services of an interpreter to hammer the message home afterwards, either.

Mind you, after the seeming Spurs bias referee Chris Foy showed during those two Cup games last season, I didn?t have too much confidence in him coming up trumps for us this time round, but, in showing yellow to our Eastern European friend and not red last night, he inadvertently did us a huge favour. A red card would have meant a suspension, and given that Chris Kirkland has now gone back to Merseyside (and was injured anyway), our only first-team standard cover would have been in the form of Houlty. Don?t get me wrong, here: Russell has amply demonstrated in the past his undoubted ability between the sticks, and is quite capable of coming off the bench and doing us a blinding job should push ever come to shove, but of the two, I know who I?d much prefer to get the managerial nod. Last night?s horrendous ?blip? apart, The Pole In Goal is a solid consistent performer between the sticks ? and that?s where I want him to stay.

And we shouldn?t give up on having a real go at the opposition, either. Last night provided ample proof that such a bold and proactive strategy can genuinely work. Spurs were fourth in the table last night, but despite their lofty status, they didn?t like the way we came out at them one little bit. That?s something we simply have to stick with this Saturday; with the number of games left diminishing about as rapidly as that of undamaged houses left in Baghdad, both Blues and Pompey having a game in hand over us, and with only three points to make up apiece, shrinking-violet strategies aren?t a realistic option. The time for that sort of thing is long-since past.

Being realistic about our next game, I?d be highly delighted with just a point to show for all our time and effort. Looking further ahead still, though, provided we can play as well as we did at White Hart Lane ? and assuming The Pole In Goal desists from having ?Condor moments? when he?s supposed to be shifting the ball upfield pretty sharpish - I can detect a couple of possible rays of sunshine amidst all the current gloom. How do Villa, away, and Newcastle, also away, grab you?

My reasoning is based upon the fact that neither club are enjoying Premiership life very much right now. Too far out of the relegation battle to get sucked in ? barring a disaster of unprecedented proportions, of course ? but not picking up wins, either at home, or on the road, they just might prove to be our means of salvation. Certainly, The Toon have hit a rotten run of home form over the last few weeks, and Villa?s isn?t much better. Both sides are vulnerable, and nothing would give me greater pleasure than to see us bring home the bacon from either location ? especially that of the Witton fraternity. Well do I remember the end of our last away fixture there, last season ? the look on their faces after we scored with almost the last kick of the ball was absolutely priceless. And, my dears ? the silence, the shattering silence! A real shame one can?t preserve such moments of unalloyed pleasure in a bottle or aluminium can; were that the case, then local Tesco stores would be absolutely overrun with Baggie punters wanting a bit of the action for themselves.

Perhaps I am being a tad unkind in laying the entire blame for Tottenham?s late winner on the broad Slavic shoulders of The Pole In Goal. Maybe we should turn elsewhere as regards the possibility of finding a suitable scapegoat? Apparently, this is what The Fart said to his missus not long after Curtis Davies scored: ???I turned to Dot, and said: ?Spurs will win this 2-1, and bogeyman Robbie Keane will score the goals!? ? Anyone willing to supply me with a suitably-large boat from which to cast our very own answer to Jonah into the foaming briny ? supply of very hungry whale optional! - please get in touch with me via all the usual channels!

Back again on Friday night, and nicely in time for our Liverpool encounter. And on the first of April, too, a date some might find highly-appropriate indeed, given the circumstances!

And Finally?. One. Nothing to do with our favourite football club, this statement, but for sheer far-sightedness, I reckon you?ll not find its equal anywhere. So read on:

?Television is going to be very important one day. It?s going to alter all kinds of things: your character; your morals; the way you dress; everything. You are influenced with what you see in other countries, and you are interested in foreign things when you see them.

?Think of what it means tuning in to a war. You would hear sounds, see sights, not only of guns, and see sights worse than dead bodies, sights and sounds that cannot possibly be imagined. You would think twice before going to fight, or even before giving up the weapons to stop people shooting you?..?

Ring true, those remarks, don?t they? This lecture, would you believe ? I can only reproduce a very small extract here, but you?ll most certainly find the full-blown version in local press archives - was dated March 1935, just a full year before the BBC began their own very first transmissions of programmes, only available to those living in the London area at the time, and wealthy enough to afford a set. (Hitler?s Germany also had TV by 1939, but curiously enough, the German dictator, never quite grasping its immense propaganda potential, rarely interfered with programme content. Unlike the BBC version, though, it carried on transmitting throughout most of the war.)

Delivered to the Wednesbury Council of the Junior Imperial League by a chap called Professor Low, his talk covered, naturally, the uses of what was quaintly described as ?New-fangled television, and its far-reaching effects?. Curiously enough, the lecturer also described showing a TV set working as early as 1914, and remembering what a stir it caused at that time. Apparently, by way of demonstration, a cartoon was shown of a butcher (the Bluenose one, I wonder?) holding a piece of meat before the camera, and asking if it was all right!

Why so strange? As I understood it, John Logie Baird was the lad who first came up with the notion of TV in this country, his first demonstration set not seeing the light of day until the mid-twenties. Anyone else out there know better?

Two. I notice that it?s now neck and neck as to whom gets the chop first ? David O?Leary, Chief Seal, or Steve Bruce, his Bluenose managerial counterpart. Up until the weekend just gone, I would have said Brucie would win it in a walk, no bother ? now, thanks to Deadly Doug making deliberately loud depreciatory noises backstage, I?m not so sure.

 - Glynis Wright

Contact the Author

Diary Index