The Diary

04 February 2006: Match Reports; The Right Way, The Wrong Way - And Dave Watkins's Way!

What is about to follow just goes to show what a subjective thing footballing views and opinions can be, sometimes. Remember what I?d said about the Charlton game the other night? Radio Five Live?s post-match comment the entire game was a crashing bore, and grimmer than grim for those possessing sufficient intestinal fortitude to endure the whole 90 minutes-worth, and local radio, taking the controversial tack yet again, reckoning we were effectively robbed courtesy a refusal to award a penalty? And as if all that wasn?t enough, within but a few hours of the final whistle at The Valley, yet another version plopped into my inbox, this time emanating from the prolific typing finger of record-breaking away game regular Dave Watkin.

And, to be perfectly honest, this is the version I?m much more inclined to give the most credence to. Dave, Simon and myself go back a long, long way ? almost to the point when a good many of our current performers were just snotty-nosed, mud-strewn schoolkids, still, driving their respective mums barmy with constant requests for new boots, kit etc., in fact. Back then, the lad (plus Steve The Miser, their most efficient treasurer at the time, as you might expect!) was turning out for The Strollers, a supporters? side that made friends and built bridges through the simple expedient of inviting their opponents? supporting opposite numbers to partake of a little round-ball matchplay themselves, generally on the morning of the corresponding League fixture itself.

The Strollers, named after the original 1880?s West Bromwich outfit that literally started the ball rolling for the Baggies back then, had their heyday back in the dark days of the Third Division; in those most difficult times, no matter whom or what the opposition, their supporters invariably seemed well up for a cracking game versus ours beforehand, a microcosm of the ?real thing? I suppose.

One particular ?highlight? of that era ? although, when viewed in retrospect, I?ve a pretty shrewd idea that the ?victim? might not necessarily have seen it that way at the time ? was when we at GD invited then-Baggies striker Adrian Foster to one particular Strollers encounter as guest of honour, an ?accolade? that must have seemed somewhat barbed to its recipient after one Stroller in particular left him singing soprano following a rather unfortunate touchline incident involving both match-ball, and ?balls? of a completely different kind. And what made things even worse still, the poor sod wasn?t playing, just watching. Such was the force of the ?collision?, it still brings tears to my eyes just thinking about it. Sadly, as the 90?s progressed, interest in supporters? games waned considerably, more?s the pity, as lots of genuine, long-lasting friendships were duly cemented as a result of those many wonderful bridge-building encounters. But not with the Dingle persuasion, apparently; can?t think why for a minute!

Additionally, Dave is one of those people whose knowledge of the game is more comprehensive than that of a good many so-called ?professional? media people. If the lads happen to have played like a complete and utter bunch of tossers, then Dave will tell it just like it is in his regular match reports, an email service he provides for those Baggies exiled in Oz., or similarly far-flung places. In tandem with my own efforts on that score, our regular pieces both stemmed from going Down Under, and meeting in person such a lot of good Baggie people out there. Conversely, praise emanating from the same source will be praise indeed; he doesn?t suffer fools (or footballing incompetents) gladly, either. His overall form-rating of ?good? for this particular game will genuinely reflect the honest efforts of our finest to get something from it; that?s not a form rating he hands out purely on the basis of our not getting beaten. If we were ?good? in his opinion, we were precisely that. End of story.

He also picks up on things the mainstream media wouldn?t bother with half the time. How many ?stayaways?, myself included, knew our supporters gave the side a standing ovation at the end of the game, for example? That?s the first I?d heard of it, certainly. And he was dead right to pick up on the same point I did the other night; our sale of Earnie to Norwich for ?2.75 million, and no adequate striking cover brought in to fill the gap, a glaringly-horrible boo-boo that might well cost us our Premiership place, I fear.

So, in the light of what DIDN?T take place by the time the transfer window closed the other night, what in the way of bounteous gifts from above can we Baggie-masochists expect tomorrow? What with African commitments ? Senegal won their quarter final game today, beating Guinea 3-2 - Earnie flying the coop midweek, and injury-soup a la Campbell aplenty, it doesn?t leave an awful lot on the table in the striking department, does it? Just The Duke, and The Horse, and ? er ? that?s it. Hardly a dynamic duo, is it, even given the best will in the world possible? The former, Bradford apart, still looking to make a lethal impact in the Prem, and the latter looking a bit long in the tooth by now, to put it somewhat charitably. Still, The Horse does possess an old pro?s various guiles and wiles in great abundance, and what he might lack in the pace department these days might well be adequately compensated for in that direction instead.

When set against the relative might of the Lancashire club, who, still enjoying the fall-out from that ?200-odd millions legacy from the late Sir Jack, are relatively bomb-proof (ever get the disquieting feeling that, yes, there are some 4,000 holes lurking out there, but all of ?em located in and around the vicinity of our back four?) they?re on a bit of a roll, it would seem, just blagging a solitary point would count as a ?result?, as far as I?m concerned.

But drawn games are nowhere near enough; just like someone suffering from a serious illness, provision of intensive chemotherapy, in this case an undue reliance upon defensive (negative?) tactics, takes care of the more immediate distressing symptoms, buys you quality time in the short-term, even, but with a much higher price to be paid further down the line, of course. Expect a repeat of the Sunderland caper; some pretty dour defensive stuff, with occasional exploratory incursions into their box, largely fruitless, as we currently have neither the firepower nor the ?engine room? to get behind their rearguard in such a way as to do damage, never mind seriously hurt the buggers. And possibly falling behind to a ?killer? goal relatively late in the proceedings, too.

?Albion Are Right For Me!? I see that on the club website, new recruit Quashie is now proclaiming the reason he succumbed to our blandishments above and beyond those of Scottish and Premiership clubs was largely because of our manager?s wish to ?want him to be better?. As in ?Premiership status?, I assume? Certainly, our gaffer talks a good game, as far as the lad?s concerned; initial background with both Pompey and their Southampton Championship rivals, brought to The Shrine in order to provide our ailing engine-room with a smidgen of much-needed pazzaz, apparently, although should we still continue to play like a bucket-load of frogs in front of goal, all our new boy?s efforts in that direction will surely come to naught.

There?s also a much more sobering note to our new playmate?s background, I see. Trolling round other sites for relevant info, I quickly discovered that when a young player, he came very close indeed to quitting football completely after the tragic death of his son Tyler just five and a half hours after birth. And, as if all that wasn?t enough, our new signing also had to deal with his second son Oliver suffering complications during his birth last year, while his own mother Caroline is currently battling against The Big ?C? herself.

This, of course, is the side of professional football we don?t necessarily consider (or, fearful of our own mortality, don?t wish to); that behind the shirt, the shorts, the sometimes indifferent form, the inevitable abuse that stems from a perceived failure to deliver, there might well be a human tragedy or two being played out somewhere in the background. They might well be worth remembering, these secondary considerations; should our lad subsequently ?bomb? out there, it might not necessarily be the player?s fault. Think about it; with all those problems simultaneously weighing on your mind, could YOU then go out and devote everything to the cause?

Jan Kozac? At the time of writing, it looks very much as though he?ll be included in tomorrow?s squad. As for our other transfer-window import, Williams Martinez, we?ve now got international clearance for him, which also makes him eligible to start tomorrow, should our manager so wish. Said Robbo on the club website tonight: ?Martinez?s English isn?t too good, but he?s already having English lessons to get across to him as quickly as we can the major words in football terminology.? Ooer. A case of ?block up little Johnny?s ears quick tomorrow lest some of that newly-acquired ?terminology? burst forth when and where you?d least want it to?, I wonder?

As for the rest of tomorrow?s ?casualties?, Kev Campbell I?ve already mentioned, while poor Steve Watson is still afflicted with what master-sleuth Sherlock Holmes might well have termed ?The Curse Of The Rampant Groin?. Ronnie Wallwork? He?s back from suspension tomorrow, and now we?ve fully felt the debilitating effects of his absence on the side, I trust there?ll now be none of that awful ?booing? nonsense we heard earlier on in the season.

Tell you what, though; given the alarming rate at which the side is changing (evolving?) these days, it?s going to be a full-time job just trying to keep up with who?s doing what and where tomorrow afternoon. A bit like coming back to The Hawthorns after the long summer?s break, and finding the change in personnel to be a pretty cataclysmic affair. Just who is our senior pro these days, I ask myself? Clem, perhaps? Him apart, I can?t rightfully think of any of our current lot having all that much more time in than he. West Bromwich Anonymous, here I come!

The ?other lot?? They?re more in the business of grinding out results in somewhat ?robust? manner than anything else. They?ve already done the double over Man United, of course, which must count for something, I suppose; any outfit that can reduce Alec Ferguson to a state of complete and utter red-rag fury can?t be all that bad when you eventually come to weigh it all up. Robbie Savage may or may not be fit enough to take his place in their side tomorrow; they?re awaiting the results of a late fitness test, apparently. Which will include ?acting ability? among the various criteria to be assessed, no doubt. If fit, perhaps it might be advantageous for the club to let RADA know as well? Not to mention the boxing authorities. Ooh, stoppit at once, you little bitch! Craig Bellamy, still injured, might sit this one out on the bench ? well, initially, at least, while the lad Florent Sinama-Pongolle (all three of him currently on loan from Liverpool) has tonsillitis and will also start on the bench. Mind you, ?proper? bacterial tonsillitis can be horribly infectious, so I?m faintly surprised they?ve included him in their squad in the first place.

If you should happen to see my other half on his Hawthorns pre-match perambulations this coming Saturday afternoon, be nice to him do, because last Thursday was his birthday, poor mite. With considerations of future marital harmony very much in mind, I won?t divulge his exact chronological age ? and examining his gnashers in similar fashion to that of vets when performing similar services for the horsey set won?t work, either ? but suffice it to say that my other half is now well and truly entering the run-up to that most Methusalean of markers, the ?Big 5-0?. Please feel free to remind him of that very same fact; that?s what I?ve been doing for the last couple of days, and I fail to see any good reason why everyone else shouldn?t share in the fun while I?m at it!

The best bit, though, came on the evening of the Big Day, when the Birthday Boy in question took me out for a meal at our local Mediterranean restaurant; no driving whatsoever involved, because they?re based just a few streets away. Anyway, to cut a long story short, what happened was that as we entered into the last stages of our own munch-up, a rather large party of diners took the big table immediately adjacent to our own. All the preliminaries done with, they then began to peruse the menu, and clearly couldn?t settle on what to order, so we helpfully chucked in our ten bob?s worth. ?Have the mezze!? we urged them, ?Just the thing for a big party, and there?s lots, so everyone can just stick with what they like, dip in, dip out, whatever?? Then, the sale-clincher; ?-And you don?t half get a hell of a lot for your money, as well?.?

A few supplementary words from the owner about what was involved ? at that particular restaurant, it really is a gut-busting exercise, believe you me; we know, because we?ve sampled it before ? and some serious drinks-ordering on their part then followed. Once their alcohol requirements were finally squared away, we then realised that for one member of their party at least, it was their birthday, too. They made that perfectly clear by warbling the obligatory ?Happy Birthday To You?.? thing en-masse. As they were doing so, a wicked thought suddenly entered my head, and as soon as relative silence descended once more, I craftily chipped in with: ?Fancy that ? it just so happens to be my husband?s birthday as well?.?

God bless practical psychology; within seconds of my little whisperings, they struck up and raised the roof once more, this time prompted by my rapid revelation of the lad?s Christian name, much to my other half?s red-faced discomfiture. Or were the rubicund looks solely due to the wine, I wonder? But we weren?t finished; hearing the racket for the second time, the owner burst from the kitchen, asked the relevant question, and on learning that it was my other half?s name in lights this time, promptly offered the lad any drink he fancied on the house! This, mind, on top of a half-carafe of house wine. Again, had you blinked, you?d have missed it; before you could say ?Zorba The Greek?, even, there was a huge glass of neat vodka (and accompanying bottle of tonic) plonked on the table ? I reckon the whole thing must have amounted to a triple, or thereabouts ? and my other half getting well and truly stuck in.

Taking our leave of the place around half an hour later ? as I passed ?the other lot?, they were heading straight for Second Course Valley, to universal groans of ?Omigod ? not MORE food?? ? by that time, ?Im Indoors had acquired a pretty silly grin from somewhere, and those dinky eyeballs of his well and truly rattling in their sockets, a bit like the pea in a referee?s whistle, if you like. Not so much a case of him walking me down the street as me pouring him down it; en-route, the thermometer hovering around the ?freezing? mark at that time, I happened to comment upon the penetrating cold. ?Cold? What cold?? was his poorly-articulated reply; I could only hope the hangover wouldn?t prove too troublesome come the morrow. At least he didn?t have to go to work, thank goodness, and no, it wasn?t, thankfully, when push finally came to shove, earlier today.

Back tomorrow night, and hopefully, with three additional points inserted well and truly up our collective jacksie! Well, you can dream, can?t you?

And finally?.. One. Thanks to Amanda Hume, Sutton Branch SC secretary, for a certain email link. http://www.dingle.net/ (Sorry, I haven?t the slightest clue as to how to convert to hyperlink; just ?cut and paste? the address into the appropriate box, and I?m sure it?ll still work.) As she most pertinently comments, is this Wolves recruitment page?

Two. I see we?re about to change our badge, then. No more the throstle sat in solitary but stripey splendour atop the obligatory hawthorn branch; the new version, while being not too dissimilar to the original, has a certain Continental feel to it, vaguely suggestive of (I think) Juventus, God help us all. With our club name sitting proudly above, at least The Bird will now get some degree of protection from the elements. Will our shiny new image be the trendiest in The Championship come next season, I wonder? Just keep that Baggie dial right where it is, folkies.

 - Glynis Wright

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