The Diary

15 January 2006: Can We Nick The Wigan Crown From Jewell?

So what shall we talk about tonight, then? As far as Premiership results went, it wasn?t at all bad for us come five this evening. Pompey lost to Everton, who seem to have got their second wind all of a sudden, and Blues lost to Charlton. What did take my interest, though, was the 7-0 dicking Middlesbrough received at the hands of The Arse today. That Hammer Horror of a game has pitched them right among the relegation scrap, and should they suffer yet another reverse next week, they might just end up living in ?interesting times? as a result. And, should we also emulate the Goodison lot over the next couple of games, then Steve McClaren just might have his work cut out not only to avoid getting sucked in good and proper, but also finding his P45 left on his desk by person(s) very well-known some dark and murky morning.

Confession time, now, just to stop my sniggering other half getting his retaliation in first! All those results above I got second-hand, from ?Im Indoors and not from the old goggle-box in the corner. The reason? Having put on the telly and tuned into Sky like the good little Baggie I am, I then fell asleep with the voice of their anchor-man ratling in my ears, only rousing from my slumbers when ?Im Indoors finally ventured downstairs to Do Things to his swanky new mobile. Mind you, even before I?d dozed off, he?d been grappling furiously with it, programming in those all-essential contact numbers, that sort of thing, and failing dismally to get it to do precisely what he wanted. The language was ?industrial? shall we say; believe you me, once my other half gets into that sort of a ?red-mist-descending? paddy, it?s rather like having a demented ?car-soundly-thrashed-with-a-tree-branch? shouting-hysterically John Cleese-clone at your left-hand side. I suppose that leaves us both all-square, now, as he wasn?t half giggling over the fact I completely missed the football results, despite the very pertinent fact Sky?s service was blasting through both my lugholes at Warp Factor Nine all the time I was out of it!

Mind you, I do reserve two excuses for my sole use. The first? I?d not long returned from spending a good three hours slaving over a hot microfilm viewer at Smethwick Library; believe you me, the glare from those things doesn?t half take it out of your vision. And without you realising it. The second? This one?s loosely allied with my first; I don?t know whether it?s a sign of rapidly advancing years or what, but I don?t half find it easy to doze off when sitting on our sofa these days. Never used to be like that, mind; I could quite easily stay awake the entire length of a long-haul flight on those occasions I?d needed to, but once I?d passed my half-century, around the time we made the play-offs, I suddenly rediscovered the lost art (for me) of ?sleeping on a clothes-line?. ?Just like that?, as the late Tommy Cooper would have put it. Great when you?re on a long journey and bored out of your skull; not so great when you desperately want to know how our fellow-wallowers-in-grime are doing/have done. Stick around; give it another ten years, and I might just manage to emulate the feat when in the ground, and actually watching a game!

This Earnie business has now gained a completely-rewritten chapter. As of last Thursday night, both Albion and he were at loggerheads, and both parties seemingly ready to mutually split the blanket. And there was more. It then transpired Earnshaw had written to the FA in October requesting that it investigate the circumstances of his transfer, after ?growing concerns over the identity of agents involved in the deal, and to whom fees were paid?. Inquiries conducted by David Lampitt in the FA's compliance unit were inconclusive, but the evidence was then handed to FIFA because of the ?international? status of the transfer from Cardiff City to the Hawthorns. (For my money, because of the substantial ?space-alien and horribly-violent? following the Welsh club carry in their wake, FIFA might also consider the move to be ?intergalactic? as well!) The agent involved is still waiting to be questioned by FIFA some eight weeks further down the line.

Mel Eves ? yes, the ex-Dingle - who represented Earnshaw in the deal, said he had not heard from the world regulatory body?s investigators as yet, while insisting also that he had no case to answer. "I've done a great job for Robbie. He got a great deal, and I had to accept a cut on my fee because I was forced into a corner by the transfer deadline. I'm at a loss to know what the problem is. I didn't know anything about (Earnshaw's letter); he didn't have the courtesy to tell me he was sending it to the FA.? The story first hit the News Of The World after two transfer requests Earnie lodged with his club were declined. He sought answers to several questions in his letter to the FA's director of football administration, Graham Noakes, viz: "Who officially represented me in my transfer from Cardiff City to West Brom?" he asked, also requesting that the FA discover "the exact transfer fee" and "how much of this fee went on agents' fees, consultancy fees, finders' fees or retainers, and I wish to know who these people are". As for Albion, they insisted there was no wrongdoing on their part. "The club fully cooperated with the FA's inquiries and the FA has since contacted the club by letter stating: 'There is no allegation of misconduct on behalf of West Bromwich Albion or its officers.'"

This now begs one important question. Did Earnie send that letter motivated purely by a desire to get answers as to the precise circumstances surrounding his transfer to the Baggies last season, or was there a more malevolent intention at work there, I wonder ? wanting to cause as much embarrassment as possible to the club that still refuses to let him go? Whatever motivated our Eurosize One striker at the time, it now looks as though the club have since had an almost Damascene change of heart regarding including him in the squad/playing him in the first team. I can?t say I?m all that surprised, though; what with two strikers being out completely, one of whom is on international duty, and the other doing similar, but only if his fractured cheekbone gets better; one not getting over a recent op, two more OK as far as match fitness goes, but collectively possessive of all the pace and turning-circle of a municipal steam-roller, that then leaves only one, Nathan Ellington, with anything much in the way of speed to offer.

Some might see this purely in terms of giving in to player-power, but I think not. In fact, you might want to argue it?s a pretty cute move on the part of the club, one motivated by pure necessity. To have Earnie in on the act tomorrow and coming up with the goods could make him a saleable prospect once more; after all, what better place than the Premiership in which to display his undoubted skills? Obviously, if he?s still serious about wanting away after that, it?s very much up to him to sell himself to any watching managers/scouts while he?s out there. Should he do so, and we then gain three badly needed points as a result ? or just one, even - then everyone?s a winner, aren?t they? It simply isn?t in his best interests to suddenly throw a hissy fit, then declare that nobody associated with the club loves him any more.

The ideal outcome would be that Earnie suddenly regains his form at the JJB, and starts banging in goals again, rather than looking like the biggest clown since Coco every time he enters an opposition box. Gives us the opportunity, some would say a diplomatic one, to say ?well done, you?ve sharpened up your attitude, as we suggested; keep it up, and you?ll definitely be first-choice striker every week?. Faced with the juicy prospect of strutting his stuff on what?s essentially a world stage, he?d then see sense and quickly withdraw anything he?s put in writing to Jeremy Peace; thinking about all this pragmatically, I?m very doubtful as to whether there would be all that many offers coming from the Prem, which is where he says he wants to stay, in the first place.

To go to an ambitious yet financially-sound Championship club instead might well make his financial situation rather more pleasant in the short-term? just how many gas-guzzling, pig-ugly Humvees can a young bloke reasonably buy in the space of just a few short months, for goodness sakes? ? but the drop in status might well put a bit of a damper on his intermediate and longer-term international ambitions. In other words, such a move might well turn out to be something of a Pyrrhic victory ? one where there?s little or no material gain, despite the considerable expenditure of effort involved - for the lad. Whichever way you want to look at this, the ball is now very much in Earnie?s court, both literally and metaphorically.

Enough about Young Earnie, then ? what about Wigan tomorrow? I suspect that after their League Cup shenanigans versus Arsenal the other night, their players will be pretty knackered by now. Not that we?re in a much better situation, mind; even before we line up, our ranks will be decimated because of injury and international call-ups for the African Nations Cup; that?s the main reason why Earnie?s fortunes have changed so dramatically, of course. Reduce everything to its lowest common denominator, and you?re left with an encounter involving Wigan Knackered and West Bromwich Missing And Injured. Because Megson?s no longer at the club, I don?t reckon the game will hold as much significance for Jason Roberts as it might have done just over a year ago, but all the same, they?re not going to get into the business of actually saying: ?After you, Claude,? on those (rare) occasions we do manage to get the ball into the opposition box.

Personally, I?d recommend playing them at their own game ? in yer face, and very large indeed on not allowing opposition players sufficient time to get comfortable on the ball. That?s how they?ve worked it with most clubs at our level, and their tactics haven?t half discomfited the big boys at times. Even Chelski, the Prem?s current answer to Star Trek?s The Borg ? ?Resistance is futile! You will be assimilated!?- were pretty fortunate to grab a narrow win at Wigan?s place just a few short weeks back. Every time I look at their results, and think their bubble has finally burst, the following week, they seem to confound all logic by getting straight back on the winning trail once more. You really have to admire them, though, their strong team spirit, their constant refusal to let their better judgment be unduly clouded by the lofty Premiership status of that week?s opposition; any other time, and I would be chuckling mightily with the best at the sheer irony and audacity of it all. But not tomorrow, OK?

One team member that won?t be there this coming Sunday is Ugo Ehiogu, the transfer having being held up very late doors by Boro?s panicking over nothing, basically. For the Wigan persuasion, what they see in this clash is the twin possibility of Nathan Ellington and Geoff Horsfield leading the line for us. Could be a ?goer? I suppose, but now we have Earnie at our disposal, I?d like to see Robbo live a little, for once, use Earnie as an adjunct to the Duke, skin the sods for pace, and see how they like it chucked back in their faces. Don?t suppose I will, though; more likely to be The Duke in tandem with one of our tardier performers for this one.

Wigan? Oh dear ? have they got problems. They were down to 15 fit outfield players before the Arsenal semi-final, floodlight failure or not, Skoko being the only understudy not to get on the bench. From the squad that faced Arsenal, their lad Connolly will be out for a few weeks with a hamstring strain, but McCulloch could be back after a groin strain, and Baines may be fit again. I strongly suspect all this will ultimately boil down to the question of which side wants it the greater: Us or Them. If your pot?s half-empty, you might regard tomorrow as yet another potentially-dismal defeat; if half-full, then you forecast a turning-point in the season, and getting that all-elusive first away win at long last.

And Finally?. We?ve finally found a taker for our blasted stile-cards while we both sit safely within the confines of the directors? box for the Sunderland game next week. My big sister and her ?other half,? would you believe? My goodness, we must have been smooth-talking customers to actually persuade them to go, for once. This is going to be something of a swinging little number all round, as in the case of my sister?s beloved, never has there been a closer resemblance to that of TV?s Victor Meldrew.

I?ll leave it to John Homer et. al. to discover the endless joys of my relatives for themselves; should ?Victor? be truly on form for this one, you?ll wind up wanting to hear endless replays of Leonard Cohen albums. That, or ringing Directory Enquiries for the telephone number of ?Exit?, the well-known voluntary euthanasia organisation. Me? I?m just going to stay put in my little seat come half time, then begin heckling operations in earnest, as and when deemed necessary!

 - Glynis Wright

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