The Diary

30 December 2005: The Chill Bites, But Three Points Still Alright!

Last night may have been the coldest in these parts for yonks, but you can put up with an awful lot when you know for sure we?re three points better off than we were the night before. Certainly, trying to get our motor started after last night?s game finished proved instructive for the pair of us; once we?d arrived at the spot where we normally leave the old jam-jar, ?Im Indoors reached for his trusty can of de-icer spray, then squirted, liberally. Not once, but twice, and he didn?t stint on the amount hitting both screen and windows either.

The result, as key turned in ignition? Not a lot, the rime of frost hadn?t budged one inch ? so out leaped our hero once more, squirting copiously, then realising the windscreen was frozen inside as well as out, spraying there in similar fashion to that of a mangy old tomcat when a new lady feline arrives on the block. Cor, what a pong. The good news was that at long last, we could proceed forth without too much fear of inadvertently pranging someone on our slow trek towards Smethwick. The bad? Easy, that - all de-icer sprays in common use depending upon alcohol as the main active ingredient, our Herculean efforts to sort out the interior quickly resulted in a smell more like that of a blitzed brewery than the inside of a motor vehicle. Remembering, from my 1970?s biochemistry lectures, how alcohol could quite easily be absorbed into the body via the lungs, I suddenly had a nightmare vision of the West Midland force?s finest stopping our car, getting a fair old whiff of the booze-like aroma inside, adding two and two and making six million, breathalysing my other half then, maybe, seeing him subsequently perform in a starring (but exceedingly-expensive!) role at our local magistrates court. Ooer.

Fortunately for us, the local plods had much bigger fish to fry that night; certainly, as far as we could tell, their plans for an entertaining evening shift didn?t include stopping exuberant Baggies followers on their way home from a satisfactory ninety-minutes worth. In fact, from the moment we started up, to the precise second we hit the traffic lights outside Rolfe Street Station, nary a policeman?s helmet or cap did we espy the whole time, which possibly explains why it took so long to get that far in the first place.

Even better, though, as we walked down Halfords Lane following the game, were the grins. Loads of ?em: big, small, black white, male, female ? and every one of them looking as though the wearers had just joined The Moonies (a dubious religious sect that relies heavily upon playing mind games with its adherents in order to exert maximum control over their day-to-day affairs, hence the vacant smiles believers generally have splattered all over their faces). It?s certainly been a long time coming, this ?happiness? lark, and all the more welcome because of it. Even The Bloke In Front Of Me, never one of life?s more cheery, optimistic souls, even at the best of times, was guilty as charged of letting something vaguely resembling a smile part his lips after Kanu scored his second. On the other hand, it could have been a terminal case of trapped-wind; who knows?

Watching a wonderful individual display like Kanu?s last night was a bit like a starving man being ushered politely into the interior of a ?help yourself to anything you want?-type buffet; to feast upon such goodies after a very long absence indeed from The Hawthorns sure felt good again. And, that match-winning display of his pretty much vindicated Robbo?s policy of playing him in one game, then resting him for the next, over the Christmas period. Had we not done that, what with his age and everything, I suspect he would have been around a yard off his usual pace. As things stand, we rediscovering emotions we?d thought long since consigned to the dustbins of Albion history. Fun, isn?t it?

In years gone by, the name ?West Bromwich Albion? was most certainly synonymous with the words ?skill? and ?entertainment?, as much a partnership as, say, ?bacon and eggs?, or ?fish and chips?. A symbiotic one, too: i.e. both participants in the relationship providing great mutual benefits for each other, in much the same way as aphids (greenfly) do when chumming up with ants. Or, much closer to home, the squillions of ?nice? bacteria that live in the human gut; in return for their board and lodging, they chomp endlessly upon undigested food that gets that far down, which saves everyone from getting nasty attacks of the trots at inconvenient moments. Just try having the lot of them knocked out through the use of strong antibiotics, and you?ll soon see the difference ? or, much more likely, your tum will!

And so it was with Albion, all those years ago; if your idea of fun was aimless hoofing of the ball upwind, and with no more subtle variations on the theme than that to offer, you could pretty much forget about becoming a Baggie. Our traditions, dating back to well before the time the King George that told his minions, after illness, ?Bugger Bognor!? was around, have deep roots indeed. Many moons have waxed and waned since those halcyon days, of course. In comparatively recent times, we?ve more than once been led down the pernicious road that leads to journeyman players, with limited skills, plying their one-dimensional trade at The Shrine, with all the attendant damage that did to our reputation, but with Robbo, it sure as hell looks as though all the negativity has been reversed, and we?re at long last going in the right direction once more. Bring it on, I say.

Also pleasing last night were the performances of some who have come in for more than their fair share of brickbats from supporters of late. I?m referring, here, to people like Ronnie Wallwork, and Darren Carter, both of whom really slogged their guts out in the middle last night. It was good to see that for the most part, thanks to their sterling efforts, their North London counterparts were getting very little of the action for themselves. Greening also tried valiantly, although with not quite as much consistency as the aforementioned two, perhaps. Mind you, on Match Of The Day last night, how many of you saw the pleasantly-amazed look he had on his face after Kanu fed him that ball, courtesy some of the most wonderful bits of ball trickery I?ve seen from our lot in a good while? And his ready acknowledgment of the master?s superbly-applied touch? Clem, fresh from his ?day off? was also very much his superb self.

Last night?s excellent win ? our first over Spurs since March 1982, Cyrille Regis scoring the only goal, according to Dave Watkin - means, of course, we?re now 9 points better off than we were at the equivalent time last season, and with the same number of games played. If only we could start reproducing our home form on our travels, we?d have this Premiership thing well sussed, no worries. Mind you, even had we been remotely likely to match the Reds next Saturday, I would still have reckoned our chances of actually getting something to be less than infinitesimal. (Yeah, I know, pooping on our parade, but I?m just trying to be realistic, honest!) Mind you, there might be plans afoot to try and improve things in that department as well come the opening of the ?January Sales?; there was quite a rumour going round the ground yesterday evening we were about to swap Earnie for one of the ?Bents? come the transfer window.

Whether they were banging on about the Charlton flavour, the Merseyside alternative, or even whether temporary or permanently, I didn?t rightly know at that stage; since then, I?ve seen much the same thing on the Boing.message board, and this version asserts that it?s the Everton variety of the species that Robbo?s got his beady little eye on. This one also reckons the deal will be permanent. Still, with but a few days left until the fun really starts, I guess we will find out soon enough.

Will it actually happen? I?ve absolutely no idea, and in any case, we all know how these things can spread, like hot butter, and with lightning speed, too. I?m also seeing whispers we might yet be in for Kieran Richardson once more, but surely not? Right now, he seems very much a part of Fergie?s master-plan for world dominance aka ?saving ma wee neck, laddie?, so I?m currently taking that one with a very liberal pinch of sodium chloride indeed ? what little there is left after chucking most of it onto the borough?s roads this week, that is! One thing that really puzzles me, though. I?ve seen recent speculation that Cardiff will take on-loan Jason Koumas on a permanent basis once the window opens. Unless the financially-strapped Welsh lot have gone and robbed a bank on the QT, where?s the money coming from, I wonder?

Of one thing I?m sure; now the prospects for our ultimate survival are looking considerably rosier than they were just a couple of months ago, I would hazard a guess that this will have a major bearing upon who we do set out to woo to The Shrine with wine, roses and various sundry blandishments next week. Had we still been stuck in that Slough Of Despond more commonly knows as the ?bottom three?, our rumoured shopping-list, fact or fiction, would undoubtedly look radically different. Can?t wait for next week, me.

And finally?.. One. A nice little story that?s just turned up on the Boing site; apparently, after the poor chap was told he had to pay to get his two year old child into The Shrine last year, our stadium manager has now told Baggie Massimo, who came all the way from sunny Italy last season, only to be given the aforementioned guff by the club regarding his offspring once he got here, he?s now got two tickets for a future home game ? not sure which one, precisely - completely gratis. At last, belated realisation that PR-wise, it?s much better to use a bit of common-sense and discretion in these matters, rather than the more normal ?It?s more than my job?s worth?..? type attitude. Well done, Albion.

Two? According to Our Man in Thailand, Adam Cotton, the fast-improving Curtis Davies, on Boxing Day, became the youngest ever Premiership captain, and, as far as our favourite football club were concerned, Albion?s second youngest since the days of Ally Robertson, who still retains the distinction. Oh, and another bit of news; Albion?s home game with Boro has now been switched to Sunday 26.1.2006, the reason being Boro?s European commitments earlier that week. A ?must-see? if only to cure your rampaging insomnia!

 - Glynis Wright

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