The Diary

26 August 2005: An Evening With A Difference Courtesy Adrian Chiles

Tonight saw our third Albion-related evening thus far this week; this time, The Hawthorns and not our living-room was the venue for the night?s fresh-air and fun, Supporters? Club?s star guest being the BBC?s very own tame Baggie, Adrian Chiles. Well, with an audience comprising wholly of fellow-sufferers hanging on his every word, at least he knew there would be a fair dollop of empathy flying around the room. And, talking of ?empathy?, that?s what I had oodles of the minute I first heard the sorry tale of what had come to pass at Stamford Bridge last night ? not to mention what happened on the coach to and from the blasted place.

Ever had one of those days where absolutely nothing seems to go right? Well, our travelling faithful had its footballing equivalent in heaps yesterday evening, poor sods. First off was the coach ? or, should I say, the complete and utter lack of working amenities on it? First of all, the video was found to be U/S, closely followed by the radio. Wonderful; I bet the long trip down the M1 was an absolute barrel of laughs as a result. But it didn?t stop there, according to John Homer and Chums; on arrival at Stamford Bridge, uncomfortably close to kick-off time, the Met was adamant they couldn?t pull up outside the place, as per standard procedure on more grounds than I care to think of these days. Trust them to be different; instead, our intrepid band were only released from durance vile on arrival at a car-park located a good half-mile from the ground ? and just to plonk the metaphorical cherry in the icing on the cake, so to speak, the minute that coach began to disgorge its occupants, it began to piddle down. As some of our more elderly chums pointed out at the time, it?s a hell of a long distance to have to walk when you?re not too steady on your pins any more, not to mention trying to get in before the players took to the field of play.

After that bit of nonsense, popular consensus was that things couldn?t possibly get worse ? but they did. As I suspected when compiling my previous posting, the whole thing degenerated into a damage-limitation exercise. Confirmation from one Supporters Club chappie that for the whole of the 90 minutes, our finest never even had one realistic goal attempt, let alone look like threatening to upset the West Londoners? moneyed applecart. Confirmation, also, that the first two conceded were very much down to daft defensive errors, for one of which prime responsibility lies with the normally-sound-as-a-pound Mister Gaardsoe. And, as our informant said, after that, you could more or less write the entire evening off.

But Fate hadn?t quite finished with our away followers; in addition to pouring rain, which meant a heavy away stonking coupled with a pre-match soaking, on the return journey, their coach suddenly pulled up, unscheduled, at a services on the M42. Why? Because the driver had gone past the time limit allowed on his tachograph, and had to be swapped over. What with that, and everything else, our chums didn?t arrive back at Halfords Lane until the unearthly hour of half-two in the morning, but one further problem remained ? the coach couldn?t unload at its normal drop-off point. How come? Because of a function at the Hawthorns Hotel, and very well-attended it was, too, apparently. So popular, punters? cars were double-parked for a considerable length of the highway there. Collective fury only slightly-alleviated by the presence of lots and lots of nubile female bodies in the vicinity; their ?do? must have finished around the time the Supporters? Club transport arrived back at base.

While lamenting about last night?s expensive events, SC chappie Dave Knott happened to remark to us that when recently in Oz, for much less than the going rate for last night?s farce (48 quid just for one measly ticket), he watched Aussie Rules football, and all for the outlay of around ?38, a sum that allowed for the admission of no less than three punters, not just one, to the game. That news, coupled with our ?Asian Correspondent?s? recent assertion that those early kick-off we see here (e.g. Blues, come Saturday) come about not on police advice, as we?d thought, but purely to keep Asian TV moguls happy. Apparently, a 12 noon start ties in quite nicely with their TV market there, 6 and 7 pm respectively, depending upon whether you?re watching the game in Thailand or China. Obviously, I?m not in a position to verify what the guy told us; let?s just say that knowing the all-too pernicious hold TV exerts over the Prem these days, something of that nature wouldn?t surprise me in the slightest.

According to genial MC John Homer tonight, the evening?s meeting marked the Supporters Club?s 25th AGM. That, and apologising for the typos in both the agenda for the meeting, and elsewhere. One in particular (well, the programme, actually) I found quite a giggle ? according to the blurb placed there, principal guest tonight was to be a certain ?A Drain Chiles?! Whoops! My sympathies, chaps, it?s all-too easily done! Hell you never know, keep that up and you might land a staffer?s job on the Guardian, well known to all and sundry as ?The Grauniad? because of a long-standing unfortunate tendency to make such printed cock-ups all-too frequently.

On, then, to the first business of the evening, the routine stuff concerning Supporters? Club doings over the past 12 months, which is where that nice Mister Homer comes in, of course. (Vagrant Thought Of The Night: Which of the two, John or Alan Cleverly, owned the bonce devoid of the most hair? By my reckoning, Alan, by ? erm ? a ?short head?. Sorry, I?ll get me coat?) Giving the Albion equivalent of a ?State Of The Nation? address, John did say that member ship had declined by around 40% over the course of the past year, but this had been offset partially by the creation of an additional two branches, one in the East Midlands (run, in the main, by the Astle clan), and another which, believe it or not, is based in Culloden, Scotland. And yes, they?ve now called themselves ?The Battling Baggies?!

The closure of The Throstle Club which had precipitated the decline in numbers, hit the organisation hard. But, John was pleased to report that despite the setback, there was progress in other areas. Last season, the decision was taken to hold meetings in the main stand, and not the premises located in the Hawthorns pub; as he pointed out, for the purposes of staging meetings, the current location was more suitable, but as we still had a HQ in the pub, those joining purely to have access to the facility pre-match were catered for also.

As far as meetings were concerned, these had varying fortunes. It was particularly pleasing to note that both the Christmas meal and the Supporters Club?s own Player Of The Year function had been enormous successes. The ultimate aim is to greatly increase the rapport that the Supporters Club have with the parent football club, the aim being to demonstrate to the club that such activities were a thriving, going concern. The ultimate aim was to enlist the club?s cooperation in including a purpose-built Supporters Club facility into the Halfords Lane Stand when it?s eventually rebuilt and/or redeveloped. John was also keen to see members engage in a dialogue with the Committee on this and many other issues affecting them, as and when appropriate; as the popular saying goes, if you don?t ask, you don?t get. This would ensure a better mutual rapport for all parties concerned.

On a different note, John declared last season?s sponsored walk from The Shrine to Villa Park (which took place on the morning of the game, and was in aid of Big Dave?s ?Faith In Football? charity, a resounding success. Mind you, he couldn?t help but smile at the recollection that in season 1919-20, 20,000 people attended Albion v Villa ? and most of them walked through necessity! Better still, it was now looking very much as though the supporters club would see some progress made on the issue of players attending meetings other than those of the main branch. Additionally, John drew the audience?s attention to the existence of the newly-set up Supporters Club website, which is run by Dave Knott, and very ably indeed, may I say. Anyone with queries, problems, if ?plugged in? as it were, get in touch via that.

Although the hire of rooms at the ground for meetings was a far from cheap undertaking (?450 approx), John felt the expenditure was worth it, if only to give supporters the opportunity of questioning both players and club officials; the cost-benefit returns were potentially rewarding indeed. In short, John?s mission-statement for the organisation was very much in line with that of the late Martin Luther King, back in 1963. ?I Have A Dream?.? he declared so famously in front of the Lincoln Memorial that day; in his own small way, that?s John?s way of looking at the supporters club, and its role in the months and years to come.

After all the routine club stuff was dispensed with, on to the main thrust of the night?s proceedings. BBC?s Adrian Chiles (not ?A Drain? in sight in this column, see?) then took to the floor ? and that was the moment the entire proceedings took a very novel twist indeed. Apparently, ?yer man? has signed a book deal, with a very prestigious multinational publishers, Time Warner. The subject of this forthcoming literary tome? We, the supporters, Albion?s equivalent of the PBI, those weary footsloggers so beloved of First World War publications innumerable. As the lad so rightly pointed out, there?s been loads written about football clubs, their players, their histories, and all that jazz; even a cursory search down the passing years will fetch up innumerable examples of the genre, but amidst all the miles of newsprint expended for that particular cause, you do find a corresponding dearth of stuff about supporters. Sure, you?ll find, say, literature praising, say, The Kop, in a general sort of way, but such works tend not to shed a great deal of light on individuals forming part of the audience, their hopes, their fears, their memories, good, bad, indifferent, and so forth. Just what is it about our favourite football club that transforms a regular attender into a complete and utter Baggies nut, let alone one who habitually sinks into a depressive heap, complete and utter, the minute the final whistle is blown on a losing game? That was the question Ade was trying to answer courtesy his book.

I?m not going to go into great detail about what was said tonight for one very good reason. It wasn?t that the proceedings were less-than riveting ? au contraire, when Adrian opened it up, and asked supporters for their specific memories of games, both pleasant and otherwise, the meeting immediately became not so much a formal question and answer session as a pleasant conversation between like-minded friends. Just the sort of animated natter a group of Baggie-nuts might have in the pub prior to many a home game, in fact. No, the problem was that a few weeks prior to the end of last season, after I?d written up an account of a function taking place at an outlying branch ? in very positive and constructive terms, I hasten to add - word then reached my ears that the ex-player guests concerned had discovered I?d reproduced what they had to say in this diary, and duly expressed their displeasure to the branch secretary concerned. I wouldn?t have cared, but I knew that at least one of those concerned (who knew me) must have been very well aware indeed of the fact I habitually reported on such events in this column space, but never once made their objections clear, either to myself, or the SC official, at the time. The upshot of it was, I wrote profuse letters of apology to the persons concerned, and also made it clear I wouldn?t be doing similar in future. I didn?t have to, they hadn?t threatened me with anything, but decided ?what the hell?, just to keep the peace, and to ensure what had happened didn?t queer the pitch as far as future invites to meetings were concerned. That?s why the self-imposed embargo on my activities, and why I won?t be reporting the detailed activities of invited guests at these functions in future.

That small gripe aside, yes, it was a brilliant night, and what with just about everyone in the room chipping in for Ade?s benefit and everything, a most unusual one. Quite a potent recipe, and beats anything Delia Smith can come up with by a long chalk indeed. Take several score Baggies, some with 50-plus years ?in? to their credit, but Baggie fanatics all, add to the mix some magical recollections, Cup Finals, key games, promotions, relegations, daft incidents, the lot ? then stir, for about a couple of hours, in this case. Bloody great ? and the sooner we can repeat this particular ?cookery lesson?, the better, as far as I?m concerned.

And Finally?.. One. Here was me thinking I had problems trying to follow proceedings from afar last night; forget it, as you?ll readily see from the various Supporters Club escapades noted above, I?m not even Conference standard. Spare a thought also, then, for Lancastrian Baggie Kev Buckley, then give the lad a big hand; he?s a star. Six quid on the train to the nearest "big town" it cost him, despite his home being a city. Fifteen minutes walk from the station, and paying two-fifty a pint for Guinness, just to watch an Arabic satellite station with English/Scottish voice-over commentary. And, despite being dolloped on from afar big-time already, the Fates hadn?t quite finished with the lad; absolutely drenched on the return journey, he was, just to make a night of it.

Two?.. The Fart, on arrival at the East Stand entrance prior to tonight?s Supporters? Club meeting, was immediately accosted by the security bloke at the main desk. Not, as El Tel first thought, to direct him to the correct room ? The Billy Bassett Suite, second floor, as opposed to the normal Platinum Suite venue, first floor ? but to enquire of our ancient hero (and if I were tonight?s guest, I?d be dead worried; has working for the Beeb really aged him so badly he?s now virtually undistinguishable from our very own Ancient Warrior?) : ?Er ? are you Adrian??

 - Glynis Wright

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