The Diary

08 April 2005: A Batson Bash, And A Brown Study

? - AND THEY?RE OFF!???? ?Oh, God, not the Bowyer-Dyer dust-up again?? I can hear you all groan in unison out there ? but no, not this time; that?s Tyneside?s problem, not ours, thank goodness. Instead, it?s the flaming General Election I?m on about. As you?ve all heard ad nauseam by now, no doubt, Tony Blair on Tuesday shifted his shifty little carcass along to Buck House, then asked Her Maj to dissolve Parliament, so now it?s a case of having to put up with the considerable volumes of verbal diarrhoea and hot air generated by all three political parties morning noon and night until the Great Day cometh, which is, I think, scheduled for May 6th this time round.

The curious language we employ in this country to signify the ending of a particular government, and the subsequent onset of election fever never ceases to amaze me, and had me wondering today precisely how you went about ?dissolving Parliament?? Did Liz and Phil The Greek personally take each and every one of those 651 MP?s, and stick ?em all in a vast cauldron, great big wooden paddles adeptly wielded by those gnarled and thorny hands of theirs, both cackling fiendishly all the while they carried about their grisly work? And just to give the whole enterprise a bit of a retro feel, a sort of late 1940?s Haigh Acid-Bath-ish touch, if you like, would the solvent of choice be something like concentrated sulphuric acid, the highly-corrosive stuff beloved of chemistry teachers and car battery manufacturers (not to mention countless generations of naughty kids using the stuff to burn holes in lab benches!) everywhere? If that?s the case, when it comes to the likes of George Galloway going in, I?m willing to bet anything you care to name the substance employed would be somewhat ?light? on the ?water? bit, but exceedingly ?heavy? on the ?sulphuric acid? component.

Now all the madness has started in earnest, perhaps we can collectively look forward to some pretty loopy characters lessening the yawn-making impact of the buttock clenching, anally-retentive tirades more conventional candidates employ, by stumping up the stiffish deposit necessary to contest a seat over the four or so weeks remaining until polling day. Aw, you know the sort of stuff I?m on about; blokes in headless chicken costume, Ban The Bomb enthusiasts, Save The Whale aficionados ? precisely how many cetaceans in one go do you need to get the fridge-freezer you?ve always set your heart on, I wonder? - Monster Raving Loonies (no, Bobby, not you - now just you put your strait-jacket on again, there?s a good ex-manager!), and all the usual eclectic crowd of borderline Care In The Community-type bods desperately wanting to brighten up (or blight ? depends on your viewpoint!) our barren political scene. It?s yet another facet of what makes British elections the truly wonderful spectacle they are, so thank goodness for eccentrics, I say.

But amidst all that craziness, of one thing I?m certain. After the amazing reception I saw him get at that Supporters Club meeting the other night, were Bryan Robson to take on one or other of the present West Bromwich Parliamentary incumbents in a straight fight ? running on a ?Slap A Dingle, Club A Seal? ticket perhaps? ? the result would be a slam-dunk formality.

And talking of ?formalities?, Wednesday?s result for Forest, who dipped by a two-goal margin to fellow strugglers Coventry, probably means they?re now well and truly headed for the rock-pile. They?re currently about five behind the club immediately above them, and rapidly running out of games. Oh dear: should they descend to the Football League?s lower intestinal regions come the end of the current season ? their first ever such descent in all my 42 years of watching football - that means that if our current revival fails to gather sufficient momentum to see us safe, we won?t get the chance to renew old acquaintances with a certain Gary Megson once more. Damn.

Tonight, though, it was back to the Royal Hotel, Sutton Coldfield, for that Sutton Branch meeting I mentioned two nights ago, the guests this time being a couple of firm Albion favourites, Brendon Batson and Bomber Brown, a combo much worshipped by late 1970?s vintage Baggies. And, when we finally got there ? No Fart sadly, by the way: he?d been doing things to his loft earlier, and was totally knackered as a result. Or was it that bloody bag of his attacking something again? ? we were in for quite a shock.

On entering what we?d fondly thought was the bar, we immediately discovered it totally transmogrified into a pukka function room instead; no more was there a ?proper? serving area there, just a giant plasma TV screen on the wall to the right, rows and rows of seats, upper and lower ?tiers?, all in the middle, and a bar counter, smaller than before ? unmanned - on the left. It turned out that the whole place had undergone a complete makeover over the course of these last few weeks, and this was the result; the bar area mentioned earlier had been banished to the rear of the premises, which was where we had to go to get our own drinkipoos ? no staff deployed on our bit of the counter, sadly. Mind you, when we arrived, we did happen to notice a fully-laden skip, plus loads of builders? vans parked around the place, so that was also a bit of a dead giveaway, I suppose. Oh, and although the general ambience had improved beyond measure, the beer hadn?t, sadly. Carling only, apparently, and that was yer lot.

But back to business, in the form of Brendon and Bomber, who both turned up pretty promptly, and soon installed in their sockets on the top table. As I?ve said before, they don?t stand on ceremony much at that branch, and it was with few formalities Mandy opened the night?s proceedings for real. She did have one pertinent announcement to make, though, and that was concerning Sutton Branch?s pre-season thrash, to be held at Angelo?s Restaurant, Sutton Coldfield, around July or early August, precise date to be fixed. As they?re such a jolly lot, there?s a pretty fair chance we?ll be partaking of their gastronomically-pleasing munch-up ourselves. More details as and when I have ?em, of course.

The formalities dispensed with, it was then the turn of our two guests to hold forth at length for their expectant audience. And, as you might have expected, the night kicked off with their respective takes on whether we could escape the drop. Brendon said that the first time he really wondered as to whether we could possibly ?do it? or not was the time we beat Man City, at our place. Now the Baggies juggernaut has rumbled onward further with those wins against Blues and Charlton to our credit, he?s since placed a bet on us triumphing versus both Everton and Villa ? and half of the ?prophecy? is already ?fulfilled? of course.

Bomber reckoned not too long back, things looked really gloomy for us, but wining three out of the last four was a terrific performance. Al the other clubs at the bottom know we?re now on a bit of a roll, and must be sweating buckets. The way we?re working, grafting, we stand a pretty good chance of getting out of it. Mind you, as Brendon said, our Hawthorns game versus Palace didn?t half give him a bit of a jolt. Having watched us equalise, then, just before the end stick in what he?d thought was the winner, in order not to get boxed in at the car-park, he dashed out like ball lightning on crack cocaine, got to his jalopy, still thinking we?d won, turned on the radio ? only then to have what most people would call an ?oh, s**t moment?! Brendon continued, though, by commenting that as a team, they?ve all done very well over the last few games.

As Bomber also commented, it?s all about getting a result, and that?s what matters. And, as Brendon added, last Sunday?s result was a confidence-booster for us, insofar as we?d managed to beat, and well, a side going all-out for Champion?s League status. So what was our astonishing recent transformation down to, then? According to Bomber, it was down to result giving players the confidence to go on and do a little more. Sure, they went to Chelsea on the back of the Blues win, and lost narrowly, but they couldn?t have been too downhearted. Results since have shown that. Right now, morale in that dressing-room must be sky-high. On that form, we should beat the Villa on Sunday, but it?s always down to who performs and who doesn?t on the day, of course. Hopefully, it will be a cracking game.

Bomber, once more, and this time on about Paul Robinson. He liked the lad, he seemed comfortable on the ball and could go past people. Geoff Horsfield, he reckoned, did brilliantly last Sunday. Ronnie Wallwork? Not everyone?s cup of tea at first, but he?d gone in there again, and become a quality player. Early on in his Hawthorns tenure, Bryan Robson had a lot of unwarranted stick. The trouble was, though, it takes a long time to really get to know all the players at one?s disposal sufficiently well to know what were their own particular strengths and weaknesses. The thing was, though, once he?d got to know who could play, and in what position, that was when he started to get results.

Rob Earnshaw, and the strange position he currently found himself in? Both ex-players were lavish in their fulsome praise for him, but tempered those remarks with the observation that for al his many skills, he did have an unfortunate tendency to give the ball away cheaply. Bomber called him a ?Johnny-on-the-spot? six-yard player, which was why he was so successful coming on from the sub?s bench and netting for us. However, he did have one superb asset to his play- and that was his tremendous pace. Conversely, those times had started, he hadn?t had that effect on the game. Bomber reckoned he had an awful lot to learn about the game. The problem was his limitations as a player; most of the time, he wanted the ball launched over his head, while he was ?sitting? on the full-back?s shoulder, but you couldn?t do that in the Premiership.

But as Bomber said, it was never too late to learn; at the age of 32, he saw Johnny Giles come to the club as manager, and because he was the senior pro at the time, Bomber thought he knew everything there was to know about the game ? but quickly acknowledged that Gilesy could teach him so much more. Strikers had to learn how to come this way, face the ball, make diagonal runs, runs down the channels taking defenders from out the middle of the park. But why change it? Robbo?s got to think about the team, not individuals. He (Earnshaw) wouldn?t like it ? he?ll hate it. Whether he stayed was dependent upon whether we stayed up or went down.

Brendon continued by commenting that Earnie needed to improve both his own movement and the stuff he did off the other players. He?d come from a lower-division club, so still had a lot to learn, of course. Bomber reckoned he?d got tireless pace, so he could, if he wanted to, give the opposition the odd yard. Making straight runs just got him offside, but if he tried to take ?bendy? sort of runs from behind then he?d stand a much better chance of getting past defences. As far as general performance was concerned, it was all about keeping one?s shape. Before Robbo came, players were all over the shop. Now, all of a sudden, there was discipline out there ? and that made all the difference.

Brendon, again. Referees? ?That? penalty shout, on Sunday? He didn?t think it was. Apropos the whistling fraternity in general, he reckoned that if they got the crucial stuff right, they?d be OK. The problems arose the times they got the mundane stuff right and the crucial ones wrong. Oh, and another thought ? it wasn?t a bad idea to try and foster dialogue with referees. The famous and much praised Collina? Over-hyped, he reckoned. Graham Poll? Got those crucial decisions more right than wrong, so wasn?t too bad. Bomber, however, was less appreciative of his talents; both their paths crossed a few years back, at Luton Town, where he was the assessor. The fundamental problem lay in his somewhat abrasive attitude, Bomber reckoned.

The conversation then turned to European football, England selection, and that incident concerning Mourhino. Could it be the FA were frightened of Chelsea? Not so said Brendon. The problem lay in the courts; unless there was a blatant case of injustice put before them (as per the Bosman situation, which lead to the now-famous ruling, of course) there was very little chance of legal action succeeding. And Brendon had yet another take on the subject. He reckoned that all the publicity hadn?t enhanced Chelsea?s reputation one little bit ? in fact, you might want to argue that if anything, the whole thing had made the London club look somewhat tacky. As the former Albion man said, they?ve got good players, playing good football ? why get everyone?s backs up?

On to another subject debated the length and breadth of the land ? the ever-increasing influence the ?men in suits?, the ?bean counter tendency?, had over events, especially at our level. Brendon, quoting Bobby Robson?s assertion ?You?ve got to love the game more than the price of it?, reckoned there was a danger of big business over-riding events more and more. There were too many people involved in different things, with a lot of power, and all with different agendas. Or, put another way, if we, as Albion supporters, had to decide on the future of Vila, which way would we vote? Interjected Bomber, apropos the question of Jez Moxey, Dingles Chief Exec, and his reputed 500K yearly salary: ?Leave him alone, he?s doing a great job!?

But going back to the money side of things, it was true that supporters were gradually being priced out of the Premier League. This had resulted in empty seats, both at our place and that of other sides. The big money was taking the game completely away from the supporters? hands. Once, our club, players and directors, had a brilliant rapport with with our followers to the extent that it was the envy of all the other Midlands sides ? and that had all gone. On a similar train of thought, Brendon recalled attending a presentation done by a stadium manager several years ago, which was purely done in terns of what profits they could make on the back of supporters, more on the lines of what a supermarket would do ? he described the entire exercise as ?brutal?. While we were OK in monetary terms at the moment, we might hit problems should we go down. As far as trying to strike a balance between profit and loyalty was concerned, while seats sold out as a matter of routine, nothing would be done, but should those same seats not get bums parked on them, that would be the time the money-men took notice.

Continued Brendon, apropos the current difficulties some branches were having with end-of-season player trophy presentations etc., as far as he was concerned, the tone for such events should be set by the manager. And, of course, these days, it was much more difficult to get players to turn out for such things. One worry for them was the danger of stories being leaked to the press. However, one member did point out that such events were good for ?bonding? purposes. And so were mid-term breaks, such as the one we recently had in Florida, said Brendon. A typical season could become a bit of a grind for players, so trips such as that one helped alleviate the boredom. As Brendon pointed out, when he was at the club, he always roomed with Ally Robertson on long away trips, and because of famiarity over such a length of time, knew all about his various character flaws and foibles. ?It?s just like being married!? he wailed! Commented Bomber, ?They?re lucky, going to Florida ? in our day, it was Torquay!?

Worst trip they?d ever been on? Bomber reckoned it had to be the one to China, some 27 years ago. Mind you, Brendon held precisely the opposite view. ?Fantastic!? was his opinion. Apparently, there were customarily two sorts of table for meals; a ?European? one, where all the dishes were as per the normal fare you get in these damp and soggy isles, the other being the ?Chinese? version, of course. Bomber reckoned that everyone, bar three, headed for what they most certainly knew at mealtimes. The three brave souls (they really were ? when I visited, in 1986, I dined on such delicacies as sea-slug as a matter of course!) who decided to be different, and give the Oriental stuff a go? Brendon, Cyrile Regis, and Laurie Cuningham! The less said about one particular foodstuff ? called, unbelievably, ?Sheet?, the better!

More stuff, about Cliff Edwards, then a director, whose new shoes proved totally unsuitable for the Chinese terrain, ?ten steps forward, twelve back!? reckoned Bomber. And then there were the cricket games, held in the hotel grounds, versus the journos ? ?Our Man From The British Embassy ? very thoughtfully providing several crates of beer by way of refreshment for the parched warriors. Players who were there still talk in awesome tones about the unfortunate episode concerning The Albion Director Whose Shorts Came Down In Ruins About His Ankles! Definitely not in the rules of cricket, that one. And, not long after that, the famous ?white flag? incident, in which a naughty Baggies player ran a white hotel towel up on their flagpole, his profound ignorance of all things Oriental meaning he was unaware of the fact that to do such a thing was a mortal insult in Chinese society! Nearly caused a bit of a diplomatic incident, that one. And that?s putting it mildly.

The there was Tom Silk, and the infamous Bucket Of Water incident, where our director ended up getting a soaking meant for Derek Statham. On a more serious note, Brendon reckoned that back in 1978-9, there had briefly opened a window of opportunity for the club, and had we taken full advantage, we could have gone on to win the League ? and who knows, the European Cup next season, maybe? Definitely an opportunity missed, in Brendon?s opinion.

For a good deal of the time, most of the questions from the floor (literally, as he was sitting on it at the time!) had come from Tim, he of the house proudly bearing no less than two Albion flags outside ? proceed towards the Lichfield turn-off of the A38, and you?ll see precisely what I?m banging on about ? and now Mandy?s mum was putting him well and truly in his place in a joking sort of way for not giving anyone else a chance!

What she wanted to know was whether something would ever be done about the current tendency of the TV people to muck about with dates of fixtures and kick-off times, as it was causing working people so many problems changing shifts, etc. To date, we?d only enjoyed 5 ?proper? kick-off times. Both of them reckoned that was a difficult one because of the sheer amount of TV money currently awash in the game. Such largesse had enabled clubs to build bigger and newer stadiums, of course, and was therefore a bit of dilemma for those influential in the game. It would probably come down to supporter pressure, because clubs were more entrenched in their ways these days.

Bomber did say that watching TV wasn?t always a proper substitute for watching games ?live?. It was a very restrictive medium indeed for serious followers of the game. When watching a game from the stands, you could follow the general flow and pattern of play everywhere on the pitch, and appreciate all the more what was going on, tactically speaking, but when watching on the box, all you could see most of the time was what the camera chose to show you. The danger, Bomber reckoned, lay when the next generation of footie-watchers came to be interested in the game. Would they be taken to proper ?live? games or not? If not, what happened on TV would be all they knew. That was the joy of football for us ? the sheer joy of watching something wonderful happening in the flesh.

Bomber continued, saying, apropos the Everton game, that as far as we were concerned, it was a nail-biter, and that was so because of what was potentially at stake. Look in the national newspapers, come Monday, though, and you got a completely different viewpoint. Their pundits all thought the game a complete and utter load of rubbish. Brendon enlarged on this point of view by highlighting the considerable benefits derived from live football you simply couldn?t get from watching the same thing on the box ? and used the Crystal Palace home game and what happened at the end as an example illustrating that very same point. And some people were better suited to TV than others; as Mandy?s mum pointed out, Robbo, on the box, came over much worse than when he was standing in front of an audience. During the former, he seemed totally devoid of humour, robotic, almost, but in front of an audience he displayed a pretty good sense of humour, both with his audience, and in his relationship with his Number Two, Nigel Worthington.

Returning to the vexing subject of our current plight once more, Bomber pointed out the pressures on us would be enormous those last few games. As Brendon also said, when you knew a performance was good, yet the result hadn?t gone well, the pressure was on to try and regain the lost momentum once more. Added Bomber, at least we weren?t carrying any passengers right now, then alluding to a player who had bags of talent but wasn?t producing the goods, that person had to show the qualities that make a top class player. Two managers ? Megson and Robbo ? had said the same things about him, so something had to be wrong.

In complete contrast, though, there was one final note - bags of praise for Zoltan Gera: ?You get 100 per cent every time,? said Brendon. He then went on to compare him with Ally Brown, who w operated in similar style. ?Doing all the dirty work, the mundane stuff, the runs down the flanks, that sort of thing.? And with that, it was time to end the meetings, ?tempus fugit?, as John Homer would have said.

An excellent night, and what was related above not half the scope of the stuff discussed ? not being able to do shorthand, and my hearing not being of the best as well, it?s bloody hard to discern precisely what?s being said above the constant noise of beer-pumps, customers in the nearby bar, and various sotto voce discussions going on around me - I could only record a fraction of the stuff that came out in the discussion, but I hope that by doing so, it?s given you all a flavour of the meeting, and what it was all about. Oh, and despite the comprehensive change of surroundings, we still had those lovely sarnies, as supplied by Mandy?s mum, to munch on come the end. But still no prawn sandwiches? Oooh, slipping a bit there, methinks!

Back again on Saturday night, around the time when my nerves will be reduced to the tensile strength of piano wire, and I?ll be seeking mutual comfort via the electronic arms of my readership. Nervous? Me? Oh, whoops ? there goes another sodding bone-china tea-cup!

 - Glynis Wright

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