The Diary

10 March 2005: Kiddy? Better Late Than Never, I Suppose!

AUTHOR?S NOTE! Before I kick off in earnest, an apology: This is the column that should have ended up on your PCs in the early hours of yesterday morning, and for that, I totally and unreservedly blame the bloody cat! I was just embarking on the home stretch, around one this morning, when one of my felines ? well, Cyrille, if you want to know the truth - took it upon himself to take a flying leap onto the keyboard, and while doing it, not only did he manage to send the bloody thing flying, he managed to completely and utterly crash everything in the process. With the disk drive making funny whining and clicking noises, and finding myself unable to re-boot the blasted thing again, it left me with no alternative but to give up for the duration. And SCREAM, very loudly indeed. Fortunately, the problem proved to be of a transient nature, so I?m back. As I can?t be arsed to completely update the time-scale of everything, just think ?last night?, and you?ll be OK! Again, apologies ? so, here we go!

It?s not all that often my ?gloat glands? secrete in quantity these days, but yesterday morning, mine certainly did. That?s what accosting The Bluenose Butcher does for your general health and jovial temperament, and believe you me, they should put it on the National Health ? not that my intended victim would readily agree, mind. I had been wondering as to how to go about it, but in the end, it proved all-too easy. The trick is to quietly creep up on him while his back?s turned ? on this particular occasion our man seemed to be doing unmentionable things to a large joint of beef ? quietly inflate the old lungs, then bellow with all your might (while simultaneously making exaggerated ?lifting-of-watch-wearing-arm-towards-the-eye? gestures, of course): ?Dear, oh dear, I seem to be terribly late. What can the time be? I must consult my watch. Oh yes; it?s TWO PAST TAYLOR!?

Childish? I suppose it is when it?s a 52 year old doing it, and cackling like a demented witch all the way, but it wasn?t half fun. Well, the filthy look I got when Paul finally turned round ? think ?another bloody Albion supporter in my shop taking the pee, and it?s only eleven in the morning!? and you?ve just about got it ? more than made up for the filthy looks I got from a couple of people casually looking through the guy?s shop window, then seeing my inflammatory antics within!

Oh, dear, yesterday afternoon proved to be a quite sad affair, and this one was dead serious. We were just sitting down to our tea when there was a quite insistent knock at the door. Thinking it was a salesman trying to flog us something, and flaming mad as a result, my other half stormed to the front door ? only to discover our elderly next-door-neighbour?s daughter there. Turned out she?d suddenly died from coronary heart disease the previous day ? she?d gone to the hospital with chest pains, and just after they took her up to the Coronary Care Unit, she then had a massive heart attack; the medics are good, but unsurprisingly, even they?ve got limitations when that sort of thing happens ? and she was just letting us know out of courtesy, as we did keep an eye on her a little, help out in the garden during the summer, that sort of thing. The news came as a bit of a shock to me, to say the least; I only spoke to her a matter of days ago, and when I did, she looked and sounded absolutely fine. But, when I sat down and thought more carefully about it, and the serious nature of that heart condition, which was a longstanding pre-existing one, perhaps not so surprised at all.

I shall certainly miss Celia, the lovely kind old lady who rejoiced in the name Mrs. Dingle, and could never quite work out why we invariably heaved with suppressed giggles every time her unfortunate surname was mentioned! She was certainly the most UN-Dingle person I?ve ever met; well educated, clearly the product of a refined upbringing, and always with a quite delightful smile on her face. Truly a lady, in short. Sadly, the funeral is next week, when we?re away, otherwise we would have gladly attended, so we?ll just have to do the next best thing, and send her a decent wreath accompanied by a suitable message.

I?m sure Celia wouldn?t have wanted to see us sad, though, which is why we set out for Tamworth not long afterwards, and yet another evening spent watching ?Im Indoors?s ?other? side, Hereford, doing battle with the part-time Conference outfit, nicknamed The Lambs, which is appropriate enough for the time of year. For once, I was glad the journey was conducted in the dark, because once off the motorway, there?s nothing but a vista of out-of-town shopping malls, fast-food outlets, a ?formula-food pub? and a leisure centre boasting an artificial ski-run to admire. Ghastly, and yet another example of these American-inspired monstrosities totally sucking every ounce of life and vigour out of what was a perfectly-acceptable town centre before. Yuk.

Once we?d parked up ? the attendant asked us what faction we supported, then said: ?If you park with the Hereford lot, you?ll get boxed in, but if you go to the home supporters? bit, you shouldn?t have a problem getting away? ? we then made tracks for the away turnstile situated approximately a hundred yards away. A quick flash of the old cash, and the purchase of a couple of hot drinks once inside, we then shifted to the away seats to make contact with our Edgar Street chums. Once more, the programme read like an Albion Old Boys Reunion; Bulls coach Tucka Trewick apart, on the field of play for them were Tam Mkandawire, Danny Carey-Bertram and Brian Smikle, who goes by the curious nickname ?Junior? in cider-slurping country. Tamworth? Looking most incongruous in their first-choice red kit was ? well, just how do you describe a former Albion legend, one of the finest professionals I?ve ever seen grace a football field, and now tripping the light fantastic in the Conference?

That?s right, SuperBob ? and by rights, he shouldn?t have been out there at all! He?d sustained a nasty knee ligament injury a couple of games back, and he?d been told not to play, but when he heard Tamworth were suffering from a scoring crisis, 568 minutes of action without a goal, apparently, and regular strikers not available that evening for one reason or another ? he simply stepped into the breach, which just goes to show, yet again, what an all-round good egg the guy is.

Not to mention the effect he had on the Bulls within a couple of minutes of the start ? in a word, ?devastating?. Hereford?s early problem arose because one of the Tamworth lads gave the ball an almighty thump upfield, and as luck would have it, the ?route-one? express-delivery landed right at the feet of the former Hawthorns favourite, who was situated on the left flank and about 20 yards from the goal the visitors were defending. And, as fate would have it, who was trying to put a stop to his antics? Tam, unfortunately; such had been the flight of the ball, and Bob?s superb control once he?d got the thing, it all boiled down to a case of Mister Mkandawire being the only obstacle that stood between him and the Bulls net. A case, if you like, of the master craftsman versus his former pupil. Sure, Tam tried everything he knew to stop Supes, but to no avail. Bob wriggled, bumped and bounded free in the twisty-turny way only an old pro can, and the net shook. Most certainly a case of the old dog demonstrating some very useful tricks indeed to the young whipper-snapper, and one-nil to Tamworth.

You certainly couldn?t blame the home side for deciding to dig in and protect their unexpected lead; as I said such was the magnitude of their recent inability to score, they?d been dropping points left, right, and centre over the past few weeks. And, try as they might, the visitors were finding it awfully heard to rectify the deficit. Mind you, what couldn?t have helped was what amounted to a pre-match devastating blow. Apparently, one of their lads, a chap named Brown, one of their stalwarts, had his contract cancelled ?by mutual consent? for some unspecified reason, and the word was, he was going to another Conference club, Accrington?s name being the one most mentioned in lights that night. The astounding news must have hit those Hereford players like a half-end brick.

But the visitors did equalise eventually, The Tamworth defensive fortress ? think ?Megson side?, and you?ve got it - looked impossible to break down, until the visitors were unexpectedly presented with a little portion of luck, that was. It was a goalkeeping howler of Crichton-esque proportions from Ryan Price that gifted the Bulls the equaliser. He completely stuffed up a hopeful ball forward and Brian Smikle nipped in to set up Danny Williams for a simple tap-in. Their case was assisted considerably by the fact that one of the Tamworth mob, Adie Smith, was sent off for his second bookable offence just before half-time. One yellow card for a reckless bit of tackling not being sufficient warning, not long afterwards, the guy then did precisely the same thing, and the ref was left with no choice but to introduce him to the warmth of the dressing-room well before the remainder of his mates got the chance.

The opposition now down to ten men, you would have thought that would have helped Hereford?s cause enormously ? but strangely it didn?t. The problem? Tamworth were - or should I say their awful ?in-your-face? way of preventing the visitors from playing? No matter what The Bulls did, the minute the action got anywhere near the Tamworth goalmouth, everything collapsed in a heap. It was beginning to seem as if they?d never score ? but six minutes after the break, they did. The strike came when the Tamworth defence failed to deal with a Williams corner, and Mkandawire whacked home the loose ball. A scrambled messy affair, the sort of thing where the ball pings around a six-yard area absolutely sage-and onioned with madly scrambling bodies and it?s all down to a matter of luck who gets a good toehold on it first ? and in this instance, it was the Bulls that did.

Two-one to the visitors, then ? and what with the hosts being part-time, and the visitors full-time pros, on paper, that should have been it. But it wasn?t. That strike must have stirred something lurking deeply and nastily within the Tamworth psyche, and yellow shirted bodies began to fly in all directions. Suddenly, the ref found himself the busiest bloke on the pitch, and his linos the most vigorous flag-wavers in the business. A couple of Tamworth set-pieces, and the ball only narrowly skeetering over the heads of their eager strikeforce should have given the visitors due notice of their immediate danger, but it didn?t. Another Tamworth set-piece, this one a free-kick about ten or so yards from the box, an almighty belter from Tamworth player-manager Mark Cooper who fired home past Mawson from all of 30-yards, and suddenly, the pegging was level once more.

Most certainly NOT what the vet ordered for the Bulls, and to be honest, they did do their utmost to try and snatch one at the death, but yet again, the Tamworth defensive man-trap closed its jaws, and the visitors had to settle for a draw ? bad news, apparently, as a fair number of their Conference play-off rivals had managed to fare considerably better elsewhere.

Giggle of the game? One of the Tamworth lads going down injured just in front of us, an outraged and indignant Hereford supporter?s bellow from behind, aimed at the poor lino, about the fact the wounded warrior was off the pitch when the incident occurred, and he?d managed to roll himself on again, thereby holding things up a tadge. The flag-waver appeared to have seen this also, because he told the injured party to shift the couple of inches necessary to get the game going once more. Bellowed the sarcastic fan from the back: ?Good, lino ? can I have your autograph? The lino?s immediate response to that aural barrage? (I did say the incident only occurred a matter of a few feet from where we were sitting, remember!) ?Who? ME??

Not a very good night if you happened to be a Hereford follower, but that?s football for you. Tonight, it was back to the old routine of attending Albion supporters club meetings, which in this instance meant the pair of us shifting ourselves down to Kiddy Cricket Club where Roy Haden and his little band of helpers flew the flag for their little Supporters Club branch. Tonight?s guest-list was put together with a considerable emphasis on youth, not only in terms of chronological age, but the coaching aspects involved also, which was why no less than three members of Albion?s coaching staff ? Dan Ashworth, Craig Shakespeare and latest recruit Michael Appleton ? made the long journey along the highways and byways of rural Worcestershire to partake of a question-and-answer session for the benefit of that branch?s members. And, as the best sci-films are wont to say, they weren?t alone. Also invited were young Baggies Rob Elvins and Rob Davies; no doubt the novel experience of having to talk to supporters in public would do their fledgling confidence no end of good.

While both Craig and Appy both work in the capacity of youth team coaches ? their balliwick also includes work with much younger youth sides ? Dan is the overall manager of the present set-up. He was appointed to his present position this season, and has experience at Blues, Peterborough and Cambridge United under his belt, and produced players who subsequently went for high transfer fees with all of them. Craig? He returned here four seasons ago, and was made youth team coach just after we got our first promotion to the prem. Previously, he?d worked at Coventry?s community coaching scheme, and he?d also done a little local radio work. Appy? He?s there to help Craig out, and also helps on the youth side of things. He did the necessary coaching badges after he sustained the injury that finished him ? he needed 15 hours coaching experience to qualify ? and has been involved at U16 level also. Now things have changed at management level, he?s now coming in full-time to assist.

When asked about reserve games, and what players could get from such games, Craig reckoned they weren?t as much value to ?proper? pros as they were to youngsters. Unless they?d been included with a specific purpose in mind, as per last night?s game with Blues, of course. Craig considered such fixtures an important way for kids to learn the game. With the opposition being drawn from Premiership clubs? second strings these days, kids also get great experience, and if they do well against opponents of such quality, it would stand them in good stead for the remainder of their careers. Apparently, of the current crop, four were being retained, and about seven new lads coming in next season.

Dan then interjected to say that the main goal of the academy was to get players into the first team and beyond. As he saw it, we hadn?t had a good youth policy for the last 12 years. The current lot know there?s no quick fixes; it takes 10+ years for players to go from bottom (U8 level or similar) to the top. The other relevant factor guiding youth matters is the simple fact you can?t just stick a young kid in the senior squad as you might have done years ago. They have to be ready in all respects to make the transformation from reserve side regular to first team star, and each place can cost a seven-figure sum when training and coaching costs right along the line are considered.

Back to Craig, again. Academy status is important, as it attracts parents; because of the very nature of the beast, the quality of the opposition was much better, insofar as you went from playing, say, Walsall?s kids to those affiliated to, say, Man United, or Liverpool?s youngsters. Obviously, the facilities provided for kids at those places was much better; we could catch up, but it would take time. To attract good young players at any level, you had to make them feel wanted and given the opportunity to progress.

Dan reckoned we had to find ourselves a marketing niche. At present, we were 5th in line behind the rest of the Midland clubs, which couldn?t be right, given our current status. Clearly, to improve matters, and attract the lads they wanted, the facilities had to improve. Apparently, medical provision at one particular school where our kids played amounted to what was described as a ?maths table?! I can only assume all the compasses, set-squares and geometrical shapes had been shifted away beforehand! To be fair, the chairman?s support had been invaluable. Because there were severe restrictions on signing Under 8?s, Albion had to sell themselves to parents. Recently, they held a parents? night for kids of around 7 or 8 years of age, which was unbelievable.

Appy returned to what was clearly an important issue for him ? facilities, and some current shortcomings in that area. At one school where the kids played, the medical facilities consisted solely of a ?maths table?, although what relevance things like geometrical shapes and algebraic formulae have to the world of junior football and treating players? miscellaneous aches and pains doesn?t seem to have been made all that clear to the thoroughly bemused Albion bods!

Shakey also opined that kids didn?t seem to want to play football like they used to; not only that, the foreign influx had also had an impact on youth policies. Because clubs want the easy fix, young players had to be ready for first team football far quicker than was the case in his day. Effectively, the six lads they were signing in the summer had to be among the best kids in the world, and that?s because of our top-flight status.

Back to Dan again: the sort of lads coming into the game these days seemed markedly different, a more middle-class element coming to the fore. He reckoned a lot of that was down to the fact that academies at our level demanded attendance three times a week, with a Sunday game thrown in for good measure. Because of restrictions on travelling times to academy premises, everything tilted in favour of kids with parents who had a car, and were prepared to drive their sons to these sessions and games. And, as was said before, society had fundamentally changed; arguably, there wasn?t the same ?hunger? there that there was, say, thirty or forty years ago, when football drew its new blood from a markedly different demographic group.

Were the present management more receptive towards the current aims and purposes of Dan, Craig et. al.? That certainly seems to be the case; when the proposition of letting certain kids train with the first-team squad for the experience was mooted, Robbo was very keen indeed to assist, and now, it?s a given that two or so kids are seconded for that very same purpose; in fact, the entire structure is now ten times better than it had been previously. When the academy?s up and running, to get just one player with a price-tag of several millions attached coming through would be unbelievable; to repeat the feat, and produce players of lesser resale value would also represent a significant improvement over what had prevailed previously.

But, as John Homer, taking a bit of a ?busman?s holiday? away from normal Supporters Club MC duties, pointed out, producing a technically-excellent player, or players, was all very well, but what about these kids as individual people? After all, wasn?t there a duty of care on the part of the club, as well? Yes, Dan said, there was, but having said that, they were there primarily to produce first-team players. Unsurprisingly, that meant there were the inevitable ?horrible decisions? to be made at this time of year, and that was by far the worst aspect of the job.

Albion do, now, have what?s called an ?exit policy?. Kids, players, even, are now told face-to-face, which hadn?t always been the case before. And, such traumatic news didn?t come completely out of the blue these days; kids were now given regular ?school report? style appraisals of their strengths and weaknesses, and those in serious danger of getting axed would be made well aware of that fact long before it happened. The object, now, was to get 18 or 19 year olds fixed up with clubs of lower League, or Conference status. The club would also try to get younger kids fixed up with clubs at a lower level. Yet another reason why they were now told well before the season ended; that gives all of them a chance to get sorted well before the summertime ?rush?.

The primary reason for developing this sort of policy was because bad stories emanating from disgruntled former trainees can be counterproductive. Players reactions when actually confronted with such news ? a lot think it will never happen to them, of course ? can be wildly different, ranging from floods of tears to outright anger. The rarest one of the lot, apparently, is: ?I?ve had a marvellous time here, thank you very much.?

As kids get older, the permitted travel times laid down by the FA get longer, and that?s when the competition hots up. Albion want to flood the area around West Bromwich with scouts, purely and simply because there are so many chasing one, or several signatures. And wealthy clubs find ways of getting around restrictive travel constraints on a lad. Just to show what lengths clubs do go to when they think they?ve got a potential Wayne Rooney on their hands, Everton recently moved a whole family from the Midlands area, lock, stock and barrel, and relocated them all on Merseyside! And all that just to get around the FA regulations, and show the proud parents they meant business as far as getting their lad?s signature was concerned.

The big problem when running a club youth set-up is continuity ? or rather, the lack of it, sometimes. Have a change of first team manager, or several, each with differing philosophies regarding kids, and all within a short space of time, and it can play havoc at youth level. At least that would now improve at Albion, we were told. The scouting system had grown massively over the last twelve or so months, from six to sixty, and with re-established Northern Ireland and Republic of Ireland links. Hopefully, another five or so years further down the line, and all that hard work should be bearing fruit.

A pause to partake of the excellent buffet, then, and after that, a chance for the two young players invited, Rob Elvins and Rob Davies, to come more actively into the discussion. They say you really know you?re getting older when the policemen start to look like kids, and it?s the same in football really. To my untutored eyes and mind, both looked as though they should have been in bed long before now, let alone sit in licensed premises until gone half-ten! Well, I ask you ? young Rob E?s got the sort of face that makes ladies of a certain age go all broody within seconds of first clapping eyes on him, not to mention a pair of very rubicund cheeks indeed, and a softly-spoken voice that would have melted the heart of even the most hardened mother. The ?other? Rob? Taller, but possessive of an amazingly-streaked hairstyle that seemed to owe much to a combination of a handy electric socket, and a suitable finger to place in it!

But first, a bit of background to both lads. Rob Davies we originally bought from the Wrexham youth set-up, when aged 15. He?s only 20, but he hasn?t half travelled a bit while with the Welsh youth squad. The USA, The Faroe Islands, Turkey, just to name a few. He says it?s given him a genuine insight into societies other than our own, also different playing cultures in these countries, citing the USA as an example, where it was the ?done thing? for players to have a ?water break? during games. All due to the shockingly-hot temperatures encountered in some parts, of course. Quite heady stuff for a lad who emanates from Towyn, mid-Wales! We got him as a result of a reverse of what normally happens when we have a talented kid in our sights and a big club ? Villa, say - comes sniffing around. Rob made the phone call, he came down for trials, and we signed him as a result. ?50K compensation it cost us, and it?s the first time we?ve ever done it.

As far as Rob Elvins is concerned, Shakey has known him since the age of 11, but it?s over the past 18 months or so that he?s really blossomed at the club. According to Shakey, he has all the enthusiasm and desire necessary to succeed; he likes to teach kids good habits and standards, not to mention good manners, won?t stand for any let up in the work ethic, and as far as he?s concerned, Rob has more than fulfilled each and every one of the necessary criteria. Important, that, as far too many have big egos; they?re in love with the image of the game rather than the game itself. He comes from a place called Willingsworth, apparently. Attractions? ?Twinned with Chernobyl!?, reckoned Shakey, a huge grin splitting his face as he said it!

Dan then expounded upon one common naughty practice perpetrated against clubs with promising kids on their books, sending heavily-disguised scouts to kids? training sessions, at, say, under-8 level. One sent by a rival Midlands club was caught red-handed watching our kids that age only recently. Totally illegal, of course, and the apologies were profuse; the person concerned said it was a ?mistake? and it would never happen again, but that was an extreme example of what sort of an agenda clubs resorting to such questionable practices had.

A question for Appy, now, and one revolving around the training-ground injury that resulted in him prematurely quitting the game. No, when it happened, he didn?t think that much about the tackle at the time, and yes, it was a total accident. When it happened, he thought it would just be a matter of weeks before everything was ship-shape once more, but when it got to the stage he?s had 19 months of operations and treatment, he finally had to face the sad fact his career was at an end. And, just like those teenagers who didn?t quite make the grade, and suffered psychologically when given the bad news, he?d never thought it could happen to him, either. He still has a go on the training pitch, when five-a-sides are in progress, though.

His relative youth gives him something of an advantage when dealing with the kids, though; it enables them to relate to him far better than would, say, a coach who?d only come into that side of things at the end of their footballing career. With a youth set-up at our level, you had to be realistic. The Man United set up is one of the biggest and most successful in the world, so there?s little or no comparison between the two. Once the new facilities planned for our club start to kick in, at least we can use that as a way of attracting kids to the club.

When he joins in 5 a sides, he temporarily forgets he?s crossed that metaphorical white line, and has to remember to be patient, especially when dealing with the younger ones. When dealing with that age group, it?s necessary to break things down into several easy stages, and only then can they get a true idea of what you want them to do. Players can blossom in a flash; 18 months ago, Rob Elvins struggled to get into the youth side, but since then, he?s broken into the reserves, and what?s more, has scored eight goals for them this season.

Time to ask Rob, then ? had the pros in that side, some of them very senior indeed, looked after him? They?d treated him normally, was the answer. Games like the other night, versus Blues, were a good test of his abilities. While everything was going well for him right now, he also realised he had to keep his feet on the ground; despite his newly-found elevated status, he still had to drop down to youth team level on Saturdays!

Said Shakey, with kids, a lot could depend upon whether or not you had a good bunch in one particular year. And it was always much better to deal with kids who had been at the club for years and knew well, rather than someone who?d been at another club for most of the time. If you had a crop of kids who didn?t come up to standard one year, then you had to go out and look elsewhere. One of the first ever jobs he had as coach was to tell 15 or 16 year-olds they weren?t good enough. But, as mentioned earlier, what you had to do was try to find them another club. You?ve got children of your own, and you feel for them. Letting the third-years know early they?re not going to progress is better from their point of view. Added Dan, by the time a lad is 18-19, he has to have a couple of first team games under his belt.

Dan again, on how to go about dealing with academy-level kids. From years 8-10, we have a policy of not making them play in designated positions, but of concentrating on basics. From 12 onwards, they get put in ?proper? positions, and they start playing in proper competitive games. The older ones we start getting sophisticated with. Goalkeepers? Palace don?t bother training them at under-11 level; in their experience, keepers are generally failed outfield players. Sometimes, a positional switch can come late on, relatively speaking, eg. Neil Clement this season.

Shakey reckoned Chelsea?s recent European success was great from an English point of view, but when you looked at the numbers of foreign players now in the sides concerned, it wasn?t so good. As for our trip to Stamford Bridge next week, no-one expects us to get anything, so you never know. The Palace and Southampton games introduced added pressures to the side, but versus Blues, we got a result. That result might give our players sufficient confidence; after all they had nothing to lose next week, and he wouldn?t be surprised to see us get something from the game.

Compared to the last time we were in the Prem, our crowd have been very quiet, and it was very noticeable last Saturday. As soon as we scored the first goal, everything was OK, but other than that, it was flat. He supposed that as we?d chucked serious money at the problem this time round, expectations were that much higher. The crowd don?t realise just how much an important part they play in the whole affair.

Shakey also said the coaching staff encouraged the lads to watch the good pros at the club, and they now spent time with the first-team squad so they now had the opportunity to learn, with input coming from both sides as a consequence. Once Shakey suggested letting the kids train with the adult pros, and vice-versa, Nigel Pearson, who has worked at U21 level himself, started coming down to watch what was going on. As far as he?s concerned, the idea has been a successful one. Mind you, Rob Elvins says he hasn?t, as yet, ?nutmegged? Big Dave! Not only does he come down and muck in during the week, so does Paul Robinson, Clem, and not a few other first-teamers eager to impart their considerable skills to a future footballing generation.

The fundamental difference between kids and their case-hardened seniors is their honesty. When you tell those with the big egos the truth, they don?t like it. Shakey enjoys what he does, which is endeavouring to get kids into the first team; he finds man-management techniques much more important with kids than full-blown pros. Ambitious? Yes: he does want to progress in the game, and if he thought the time was right, and someone came along, then he might be interested.

So ? who were Shakey?s influences in his day-to-day life as a coach? Bobby Gould, apparently, which brought forth the expected mirthful explosion from the floor. No, said Shakey, when you got to really know him, he was fine. A bit ?extrovert?, though! And he did have some unusual ideas as to how the game should be played. During one memorable pre-season, he decided to allocate numbers from, say, one to six, to set-pieces, and when they got, say, a corner, the players then had to deploy according to managerial instructions previously given in connection with said numbers.

All was well, until they travelled to Burnden Park one evening. As per usual ,Bobby told the players to check with the bench when there was a corner, and a number would be held up telling them what to do. Unfortunately, when Albion did get one, because of the awkward angle between the dug-out and the box, Tony Ford couldn?t see the number required ? 3, it was, as indicated by the subbing cards managers and fourth officials used in that pre-digital age ? so he went closer. And still couldn?t see the bloody thing, so he then went closer, by which point our left-back, totally convinced he was to be replaced, began to walk off! Confusion reigned, of course, and no surprise at all to learn we ended up losing that one 3-0!

Just to add insult to injury, it was also one of the days he totally lost it and had a go at the press, but the most memorable occasion that happened, of course, was post-Bournemouth. It was while he was having his usual post-match debrief, he happened to hear one of our supporters making depreciatory comments about our defeat outside. That was too much for our leader ? within a matter of seconds, he?d gone out and dragged the poor sod in; once there, Gouldy simply told him to carry on debriefing the players in the same inimitable style he?d used outside! As you can imagine, this didn?t exactly go down a bundle with some of our finest; best of all, apparently, was the murderous look on Graham Roberts?s face, which darkened through several more shades as the torrent of abuse came cascading around the players heads! Angry? Not arf!

And that?s about it. Just time to draw the raffle ? an Albion away shirt was the prize - and guess who won it? Yep, moi. Not the sort of weather to go around clad in naught save one of those upper-garments, as yet, but when the cold climes finally dissipate, I?ll certainly be walking around town in it. As for the meeting as a whole, and what come out of it, I think it?s fair to say that we both found what all the Albion lads had to say about their duties most uplifting; for the first time in a long, long while, we came away feeling there genuinely was the heart of a football club steadily beating away, underneath all that ghastly Premiership razzamatazz and hype. Sure, it might need all the expertise of a cardiac response team to wield the old defibrillators and regain a pulse on occasions, but at least we?re no longer totally denying that the youth side of club affairs even exists, which is a considerable improvement upon the sorry state of affairs that prevailed just a few months ago.

A football team isn?t just about what goes on at first-team level; there?s much, much more besides, and it?s good to know those at the top have finally acknowledged the fact. As us old farts keep telling people, there was once a time when Albion enjoyed a justly-deserved reputation as one of the best clubs in the country when it came to grabbing and nurturing young talent. For reasons connected with the sheer amount of money sloshing around the top clubs these days, that?s not possible any more, but that doesn?t mean we can?t try. After all, if lowly Crewe Alex can keep churning ?em out, what?s to prevent us from doing similar? As the old Chinese saying goes, ?we live in interesting times?.

Now I?ve squared things with their committee people, back tomorrow night with a few words about that Supporters Club meeting we missed recently ? Sutton Branch, who had Tommy Gaardsoe as their guest last Thursday night. That will then be it from me for a week or so, as we?re going away for a few days, and won?t be going to Stamford Bridge. But more of that tomorrow, and at least the relative length of today?s offering ? that?s what a SC meeting where the guests just can?t stop talking does for you! - will give you plenty to read and digest while I?m gone.

And finally?. When typing up the Hereford stuff above, I was suddenly reminded of the time (the mid-seventies, if my memory serves me correctly) when the Edgar Street mob suddenly found itself saddled with a hooligan problem that was rapidly increasing to a worrying degree. ?What to do?? wailed their then-Board, very mindful of the fact that just one major incident could easily lead to an FA inquiry, and the club either fined, docked points, or several games ending up played behind locked doors. And there was an additional complicating factor; the club next up to visit Edgar Street had supporters with a fair amount of ?previous?.

Things looked truly grim ? until one board-member suddenly hit upon a spiffing wheeze. Hereford was the home of the SAS (their HQ is located very near the city centre, still), and Army pay not being all that good at the time (not even for balaclava-clad fitness-and-firearms freaks), they were always looking for ideal opportunities to ?moonlight?. The nature of their day job being what it was, they were no strangers to having to ?put themselves about?, shall we say, so why not ask for their assistance? And before you scoff, back in those pre-Iranian Embassy Siege days, there wasn?t half the mystique surrounding the Hereford mob than there is now - of necessity, squaddies wearing the famous ?winged-dagger? cap-badge tend to keep a very low profile indeed when in town - but back to my tale.

The board mulled over this truly ground-breaking concept for a while, then decided to give it a go. Unofficial discreetly-worded ?feelers? were quickly put out with a view towards attracting those in the Regiment wanting an alternative income-source, and those that did were quickly enrolled as matchday stewards. All nicely in time for The Bulls? home fixture that coming Saturday, and very much on the QT. The squaddies were happy, the club were happy ? and, once they?d got wind of what the club were going to do, the local rozzers were ecstatic, even though they couldn?t openly admit it. And, when the great day came, those Special Forces lads really did their job well, so much so, one of their number declared afterwards he hadn?t had so much fun in years!

All too much of a good thing, really, and they did get a tadge carried away - apparently, the greater part of the visiting club?s travelling ?yob? element started flying through the air with the greatest of ease within minutes of the kick-off, and what with the SAS lads being highly skilled in some very dirty tricks indeed, some of them found parts of their anatomies being quickly reassembled in a most unusual manner. At least, that?s what the local hospital said when once they?d done the stitches, taken the X-rays, and put the ?victims? in plaster!

One Herefordian of mature years recalled two of the visiting side?s supporters actually getting onto the pitch shortly after the kick-off, then being chased by two men in orange jackets, the curious thing about the entire episode being the relative size of the pursuers ? very, very small indeed, but very, very wiry! ? and the consummate ease with which they finally took down then removed the unwelcome intrusion. Ouch. Most definitely a day when the final score was Army 1 Hooligans 0; sadly, the enormous repercussions of such an aggressive approach to the problem (see above!) led to the experiment being discontinued very quickly, but what makes it all the more snigger-making was the identity of the SAS?s ?guinea pigs?, who quite literally didn?t know what hit them ? our old chums, The Dingles!

 - Glynis Wright

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