The Diary

29 January 2005: Fourth Round Fancies, Fifth Round Draw?

?It?s Friday, it?s five to five - and it?s CRACKERJA?..? Oh, sod it, yet another piece of proof incontrovertible my childhood was a wayward one ? who else in their right mind would regularly watch bloody Crackerjack? Don?t all rush at once, and whatever you do, don?t do the Pavlovian thing of screaming ?CRACKERJACK!? by way of automatic response; the embarrassment factor?s still immense, even forty years after the event. Mind you, we were all much more easily amused in those days, weren?t we? And, talking of times gone by, quite a proportion of Thursday and today was spent by this column craftily sorting out ?Im Indoors and his flaming birthday presents; whisper it quietly, but come next Wednesday, my other half will have attained the age of forty five, yep, FORTY FIVE years of age, just to make his increasingly-geriatric position abundantly clear to everyone likely to come in contact with us over the next few days. Only five more years to full Saga membership, ?tis true, and won?t I relish reminding him of that very fact over the next few days.

It all pretty much equates to a myriad of moments putting in regular first-team appearances for the Great Club Of Life, the mere realisation of which is enough to drive anyone dotty, I suppose. Now you all know how old my other half will be next week, please feel free to pitch in with your own chuckle-making contributions should any of you feel obliged to mercilessly extract the Michael between now and the Palace game, which just so happens to fall on the day before that magical ?halfway to ninety? figure is achieved! I?ve just got one remaining small item in the ? erm ? ?package? to sort out on Monday, and that?ll be it, I hope. Mind you, tonight, my eldest sister was busy celebrating her own recent retirement, an event that must have made the poor old sod think on a bit. It certainly did me.

Tonight, though, all thoughts inevitably revolve around tomorrow?s Cup game, and what chance (if any) we have of making further progress in the competition, assuming we genuinely want to put something of a Cup run together, that is. I?m very well aware of the fact that some would much prefer us getting the old heave-ho from the North Londoners tomorrow, but I really can?t buy into that attitude of mind myself. The reason? It?s all about something called ?synergy?. What?s that then? Think of it as a therapeutic effect gained through combining two drugs normally used quite separately from each other, and both substances then exerting a much-stronger effect on the human body than would be the case when used individually; that?s why the combination of certain narcotics with alcohol is neither big nor clever. For the purposes of this piece, though, think in terms of: ?win tomorrow, and that gives our confidence a much-needed boost for the vital Palace game come Tuesday night?.

It?s all about one particular aspect of our season giving another a much-needed boost; a ?you scratch my back, and I?ll scratch yours? type of scenario. The other positive about tomorrow is the fact that should we lose, it won?t matter diddly-squat, really; the bookies have really taken that one on board big-time, because most of ?em seem to be backing Spurs to win, consequently there?s little danger of loss of face should we dip tomorrow. The only knock-on effect a defeat could exert is via a noticeable denting of first-team morale come the Palace game. Plus that of our followers, of course. Even then, you might want to argue Cup football is totally different from its bread-and-butter counterpart, and little should be read into any failure to progress anyway.

And there?s yet another significant consideration; the money a half-decent tilt at the pot would bring in. Not so important to us right now, of course, but should the worst happen ? and despite a noticeable (and welcome) improvement in form of late, the chances are it will ? despite those parachute payments, every single penny will be needed next season, if only to help fund a successful promotion run.

Another feature of tomorrow?s game will be the return to The Hawthorns of Martin Jol, blockbuster-type tackles, and all. My goodness, didn?t he make a hell of a lot of First Division opponents hop around in painful disbelief back in the Eighties. I still wince mentally at the mere thought. Not that he?ll be playing, of course ? did I hear a heartfelt sigh of ?Thank God for that!? from our current players just then? ? but as he?s now Tottingham?s manager, there comes the certainty of soppy sentimentality being well and truly cast aside for this one. And Jol must be doing something right down White Hart Lane; they?re currently undefeated in ten. It?s a side that positively coruscates with international talent, what with the likes of Kanoute (who might well be out of the reckoning come tomorrow, as I understand it), Defoe, and bloody Robbie Keane being in their current ranks, so we?re not exactly talking clog-dancing instruction here.

From what I can gather also, they?ll definitely be light on Davis and Ricketts, both back in training after injury, but not quite properly match-fit, also Zeigler, but it?s a possible return for Michael Brown, now indisputably un-suspended. Sure, we managed to get the draw when they came here earlier in the season (some might want to argue we really should have won that one, really, but I reckon the sharing of the points was a fair result, myself) but what with their recent upwardly-mobile form and everything, they?re now on a bit of a roll, and will naturally want to extend that to the Cup.

As far as we?re concerned, only AJ is definitely out, and for obvious reasons ? he went for a scan on the offending knee yesterday, by all accounts ? so presumably, the side that did so well against our Mancunian friends last Saturday evening will be favourite for this one as well. And Big Dave?s now well and truly back (but see below for further comment). Can we genuinely make progress? I?d like to think so, I really would. Our mob should be well and truly up for it, and so should our followers; there?s nothing quite like a juicy Cup encounter to get the old adrenalin, testosterone, not to mention plain ornery native savagery, going full-blast, is there? Prediction? Such has been my dismal form in that direction of late, I?m somewhat hesitant to venture an opinion either way, but ? oh, soddit. Fifth Round Draw for us, and back to the drawing-board for our friends from The Smoke. I do hope I won?t bitterly regret penning that come five to five tomorrow.

This afternoon, I couldn?t help but chuckle at the sheer brass neck of Meggo in trying to prise Big Dave from our grasp, and all for a ludicrously-low fee of around the ?200K mark. That proposed amount, mind you, for a guy that cost us nearer 700K when we bought him from Pompey, some three or four seasons ago, and one still performing at the back with a certain degree of panache. Tell you what, though; should The Ginormous One actually rise to the bait and leave, I?d be very surprised indeed. Well, just think about it logically. Why the hell would he want to put up with a 50-mile-each-way daily commute to Nottingham and back, a significant lessening of links with various local Christian good causes, not to mention his own place of worship, seeing not as much of family and friends as he did before, a probable pay cut ? there?s no way cash-strapped Forest could afford what we?re paying him right now ? and the rapidly-increasing probability of him dropping not just one division, but two.

Just a brief look at their current situation would be confirmation enough for the guy; as I see it, Megson?s undoubted competence in that area or not, they really do have far less chance than ourselves of actually pulling off the miracle. So many negatives to be taken into account, plus, of course, a more-than-even chance of ending up totally at the mercy of The Ginger One?s brimstone-and-treacle-type management skills. Presented with that little lot, I know which way I?d jump.

And while we?re on the subject of transfers, what did I tell you about Chaplow? Proof positive that in football-speak, a ?no? is very often a ?maybe?. As I fully expected, after their earlier snarled ?nyet?, Burnley are once more delicately sniffing around the right posteriors to make things happen, so diplomatic relations between the two clubs can now be considered well and truly resumed. I don?t expect an instant result, mind; the whole thing could still go right to the wire, but overall, I?m pretty darned confident the lad will be a Baggie come late Monday night.

And Finally?. After nattering to my sister tonight, it now appears one of my close relatives was involved with the media recently. Those who heard ?Gabby? Garbett hold forth on a local commercial radio station via the miracle of modern mobile phone technology, shortly after last Saturday?s vital home win versus Man City, will know precisely who I?m banging on about; he?s my nephew. Assuming everyone out there could genuinely comprehend a Black Country accent you could truly cook faggots on, of course. Even I have problems with his dialect difficulties, sometimes, and I?m born and brought up in the area. Came down from Preston last weekend especially to see us in action, did the lad, and he didn?t half give both my sisters an awful shock when they first heard his gruffly-dulcet tones emanating from their speakers! All together, now, say ?Bless???

 - Glynis Wright

Contact the Author

Diary Index