The Diary

22 January 2005: All Our Yesterdays? No - All Our Tomorrows

Ever heard the expression: ?All Our Yesterdays?? Sure, there once was a programme of that name on ITV when I was small, and absolutely fascinated by it, I was, too ? come to think about it, some of you lot out there may well remember it being on the box back then. In fact it?s fair enough to say that was one of the many factors that first sparked off my interest in modern history, which still remains to this day. And that?s why I?m slightly later than usual in starting tonight?s offering, folks; through watching an absolutely fascinating BBC2 programme showing some extremely old film footage (circa 1902) rediscovered purely though chance ? in fact the builders responsible for its discovery were just about to chuck the stuff away as rubbish before wiser counsel prevailed - but the reason I?m making mention of this at all is mainly because of the footy stuff shown on some of the films, made during the first decade of the 20th century.

Nothing about our own favourite football club, sadly, but one of the games depicted tonight included a short glimpse of Sheffield United in action, with the legendary Fatty Foulkes in goal for The Blades. Six foot two, and around 12 stone when he first signed for them, by the time he finally hung up his boots, according to a Blades supporter consulted for the programme, he was a good 25 stone and rising. Certainly, when the film was shot, judging from the footage of him in action, he couldn?t have been all that far short of his sylph-like retirement figure by that time.

Mind you, in an age where goalkeepers were charged by strikers as a matter of routine, and vice-versa, and with referees cockin? a blind ?un most of the time, it would have taken a very brave forward indeed to argue with United?s somewhat adipose custodian, especially when you realise that in those days, before the widespread use of X-rays to diagnose breaks was accepted by the medical profession (Roentogen first hit on the phenomenon around 1896, and totally-accidentally, would you believe?), a fractured limb might easily lead to the premature end of a flourishing playing career. Just watching Fatty take a goal-kick made you appreciate the sheer bulk of the guy in a way no modern-day book could ever do. Talk about an irresistible force meeting an immovable object; think back to Big Dave and Dingle Shaun Newton, or rather their ?unscheduled meeting? at The Custard Bowl some three or so seasons ago, and you?ve just about got it.

And then there were the crowds, massive ones, be they at Old Trafford, Bolton, Sheffield, or wherever. Pretty much one hundred per cent male (there may have been some of the fair sex sitting in those rickety-looking wooden stands, but if there were, I didn?t spot any), all wearing hats, be they of the bowler variety or the cloth-capped variation on the theme, hugely moustached for the main part, and all smoking like bloody chimneys. In fact, you could see entire home ends completely wreathed in a semi-opaque fag-induced haze that just wouldn?t be acceptable today. Don?t forget the medical evidence linking smoking to lung cancer was very much in the distant future (although I do have in my possession a copy of a 1939 Lancet where a plain ordinary family doctor wrote in one of their letters pages suggesting there might indeed be a link between the two ? the concept was pooh-poohed at the time, but history proved who was right in the end, of course), as was the concept of filter tips to minimise the amount of tarry gunk reaching the lungs in the first place. And, my goodness, some of those stands ? one in particular looked a very unsafe structure indeed. Our present-day licensing people would have thrown a dicky fit at the mere sight of the thing.

Mind you, there has to be a downside to everything, and in this case, it was short excerpts from a game featuring our old friends The The Dingles, who drew 2-2 with (I think) Preston. As for what brief glimpses there were to be had of the play, there was much that people would recognise today; keepers still take goal kicks in similar fashion to ?Fatty?, defenders still head the ball away from danger in much the same way, but what surprised me most of all, and remarkably so, was the sight of a striker ? sorry, ?centre-forward?! ? actually celebrating a goal with team-mates. Listen to the old codgers, and they would have you believe that in those days, all that sort of girlish malarkey was perceived as tantamount to latent homosexuality, and never, ever done! The only thing that differed, really, was the pace of games; much slower than today, from what little I saw. Another vagrant (but sobering) thought; one genuinely wonders just how many of those young lads depicted on all that footage actually survived the First World War intact?

As I said just before the corresponding away fixture, City are one of those temperamental sides that can be brilliant one minute, then playing like a basinful of cornflakes the next. Supporting them must be an exercise akin to walking on eggshells through a minefield; it?s a pretty fair assumption that gastric ulcers, coronary heart disease and high blood pressure must come with the territory for their followers, pretty much. Last time, we were lucky; I really can?t imagine that City would be so careless as to chuck away stupid points just for our benefit this time round. Altruism is a fine sentiment, sure, which is why giving to charity?s so popular these days, but there?s not a lot of it around in football, sadly, especially at this level. The good news is, though, Big Dave?s back. Apparently, he came through the Newcastle game earlier in the week with few or no problems, so that could well mean he?ll be on the bench for tomorrow?s excuse-me with Kev?s mob. One thing that will have to be sorted out tomorrow, though, is the question of who replaces AJ in midfield. The latest is he?ll be out for at least three weeks; laugh you might at his ?headless chicken? impersonations out there, but you don?t half miss him when he?s gone. Scimeca was handed the job at Fulham, of course ? will he be given another chance to bag that position on a more permanent basis, I wonder?

According to the City bumf I?ve seen earlier today, it now looks very much as though thorough pest Robbie Fowler will be deemed fit enough to play an active part in this one. The problem was with his knee, but now someone?s gone and kissed it better and said ?there, there?, or something, so he should be OK. As far as Anelka, City?s Sulk-In-Residence, is concerned, however, scuttlebutt is that he won?t be taking any part whatsoever in tomorrow?s proceedings. City have had a scan done of the offending knee, but still the injury continues to baffle the best brains medical science have to offer. Or could it possibly be that the lad?s simply chucked his dolly out of his perambulator, and for the umpteenth time this season. Let?s face it, it wouldn?t be the first time it?s happened, now, would it? The other bit of team news is that Stephen Jordan is due to return once more following injury. My prediction? Oh, God, do I have to? Once more, it all very much depends upon whether or not Kev?s little minions have their ?goal-scoring heads? on tomorrow. Plus, of course, Calamity?s demeanour between the sticks. Surely we can?t force him into yet more clangers tomorrow? Luck isn?t exactly our watchword this time round, so I?ll go for a home defeat ? oooh, 2-1, I reckon.

Having said all that, there just might be one factor mitigating in our favour tomorrow, and that?s the crowd. If we can reproduce just a tiny fraction of the spirit shown by our away regulars versus Fulham the other day at The Shrine, then we?ve well and truly cracked it. It?s my assertion that during the whole of those ninety minutes at Craven Cottage, to all intents and purposes, the pronoun ?I? completely ceased to exist in our end. The assertion of individuality is totally impossible when confronted with something so solid, so unifying, so gratifying. Ever heard of a ?gestalt? Something that?s far greater than the sum of all its parts? A fair description of we away supporters that day, that, a Baggie gestalt, and its intensity, its unity of purpose, even, completely blew those Fulham supporters away. And that?s the challenge, something I would have termed ?The Daz Challenge? not so many moons ago, purely and simply because that?s the name of the bloke who used to whip Hawthorns crowds up to a frenzy back then. Without his impassioned input, the current level and quality of home support seems feeble by comparison. Anyone else in the Brummie fancy having a go?

No Rob Hulse, though; the latest on the club?s website is that we?ve flogged him to Stoke for a cool million squid; the only variables to the equation being ?personal terms? and a medical. My goodness, Carly, The Noise?s eldest is going to be absolutely inconsolable tomorrow over that one. She won?t admit it (well, not to my face, at least), but she doesn?t half have a bad case of the ?hots? for the lad! Reminder: must bring with me a lorry-load of disposable tissues for her sole use tomorrow evening. Bernt Hass? Unsurprisingly, his contract was cancelled by mutual consent today ? well, if you will insist upon showing everything you?ve got via a porn website, and making the club even more of a laughing stock than they were already, what the hell do you expect? The E and S reckon he?s going to a French outfit, Bastia. Perhaps they?re considerably more tolerant of that sort of thing out there than we boring Black Country prudes.

The other stuff going on right now concerns a gentleman called Richard Chaplow, of whom I made mention around a week ago. Although I didn?t see their Cup-tie versus Liverpool on the box ? we were at Hereford that night, of course - my big sister told me tonight that the guy put in an absolutely magnificent performance for The Clarets, was made Burnley Man Of The Match at the end, and deservedly so, apparently. As things currently stand, the problem is this; we have offered Burnley Sum x for the guy?s services, with James O?Connor chucked in for good measure, but Burnley are playing brinkmanship, insofar as they want (demand?) Sum 2x by way of recompense instead. They had originally specified Rob Hulse being part of the deal, but now he?s going to Stoke, they?ve well and truly stuffed that one for a game of soldiers, haven?t they? Sure, they?re not quite as hard up as they were before their recent sale of Robbie Blake to Blues, but should they still refuse to blink quickly enough for our liking, one bargaining-chip we do have at our disposal is James O?Connor, of course. He?s there on loan at the moment, but should they continue to play silly sods, we can then insist upon his return to The Black Country. The Lancashire club really should remember the old adage about it taking two to tango. Oooh, what childish games we play at times.

And that?s about it. Whether or not I?ll be grinning rather than wailing tomorrow is completely in the lap of the gods. Let?s hope for everyone?s sake we do manage to unearth something hitherto-undiscovered in the bottom of our locker. The main prize has pretty much eluded our grasp; for everyone?s sake, the most we can do now is finish the season with something left in the old ?dignity? department. All we can do now is cross our fingers and hope.

And finally.... Came across something that had me nearly soaking my underwear tonight; trouble is, because the subject-matter concerns our erstwhile leader,and his current Forest placement, I simply daren't use it!

 - Glynis Wright

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