The Diary

10 January 2005: Post-Deepdale Discussions

Blimey, what an amazing day we had yesterday, and not strictly because of the football, either. Remember the busted fence I told you about? Well, there we were Saturday morning, pre-Preston, making anguished phone calls to my beloved?s mum to get her handyman feller to come round and do the repair job for us; job sorted, bar telling our elderly next-door neighbour what we were going to do, and not to bother getting anyone in. Not being able to tell Mrs. Dingle at the time because she was out, we resolved to knock on her front door this morning instead ? only to discover yesterday evening, when we finally got back from the game, what must surely rate as one of the great mysteries of our lifetimes.

Believe it or not, instead of fastening his weary gaze upon darkened ruins when he went to inspect the damage more closely, my other half got one hell of a surprise instead. Amazingly, the formerly-errant fence was now completely restored to upright wood-stained glory, parked smugly in-situ, and quite a shock to the system it was, too. I can only assume that either our unfortunately-named neighbour enlisted the help of a family member to effect the repairs ? couldn?t see a tradesman rushing out over the weekend to do a quick job, not without charging her an arm and a leg for the privilege, at any rate: could you? ? or she?s quite unique in the annals of Sandwell society. She really does have fairies living at the bottom of her garden!

Hastening rapidly on to a more Albion-related item on the agenda, I?m still trying to recover from the mental trauma of actually seeing us score a brace in one game ? then successfully hang on to the lead. Bolton aside, it?s a pretty rare occurrence for us these days. For me, outstanding contribution awards go to both Greening and Gera, who were just terrific out there, stupendous, even. Like most of our followers at the time, I was totally outraged when I saw ?Jesus? being swapped for Koumas (and so was he, by all accounts!) but what happened just minutes after the change was made certainly served to rapidly consign all those unpleasant comments of mine right back to the anatomical regions they first came from. Call Robbo what you will, but he certainly called it right on that occasion; fair play to him, I?ll bet he was sniggering like hell when JK?s cross and Earnie?s goal completely reduced us all to a somewhat embarrassed silence on the subject.

And, while I?m in the business of chucking out plaudits, what about Clem? His classy contributions to the proceedings played a large part indeed in ensuring our progression to tomorrow?s Fourth Round draw, and serve only to reinforce my gut feelings about his new-found ability to compete at Premiership level. As for Paul Robinson, he?s rapidly emerging as the season?s surprise packet, and so is Ronnie Wallwork, come to think about it.

It?s not brilliant, the stuff we watch, by any means, and we still have the bump-and-grind of a relegation struggle to contend with next Sunday, but, hey ? we?re now four games undefeated, with one of ?em a winner, so you could reasonably justify arguing that we?re gradually stemming the creepingly-pernicious rot that?s currently sinking the club. It?s all about confidence-building: no-one in their right mind would tell a bloke with both legs broken to stand up unassisted once the initial medical problems were sorted out, would they? You?d gradually get the guy walking properly once more, with the aid of crutches and plaster, then, after a suitable period of physiotherapy and exercise, the same, but without any mechanical assistance whatsoever.

And the same applies to football sides as stuck in losing habits as we currently are. Any sign of progress, however small, is duly acknowledged as such by the manager, and patiently built upon; that?s all you can do with blokes whose confidence is as completely shot to hell as ours. I call it licking, not biting. Now we?ve reached the stage where our coaching staff can cite our recent small successes as incontrovertible proof that despite what others might have thought about their abilities, they aren?t a completely useless bunch of five-finger-merchants after all, we can now kick on even further. It?s all about self-belief, confidence?s ?striking?partner?, if you like; win at Craven Cottage, get another league point on the road, even, and you?ve shored up those creaking foundations even further. Some might not agree with our leader?s view that Cup progress is of equal importance to what happens in the Prem, but I can see where he?s coming from. Succeed in that competition, bring back some passion, pride, hunger, even, to our club and players, and it all overspills into the bread-and-butter stuff. Good on Robbo, I say.

So what will the draw hold for us tomorrow? It?s always unwise to try and second-guess the vagaries of bouncing little balls, or the blindly-groping hand of some FA desk-pilot or another, which is why it?s a rash thing to start making predictions, but that doesn?t stop me perusing the names of all those who went through last night, and commenting, according to individual taste, either ?Eeeek!?, or ?Send it down, Moses!?

Into the former category most certainly goes The Dingles, who unexpectedly got past Millwall yesterday. Having evaded their unwelcome presence at our place for two seasons on the bounce now, the last thing I ever want to see is them darkening our doorsteps once more. Or having to endure 90 minutes of their so-called ?hospitality?, come to think about it. Of one thing you can be sure; with them, the emphasis is always first and foremost on the ?hospital? part of that word! Another ?thanks, but no thanks? goes to Nottingham Forest, who went through via giving QPR a right old walloping at Loftus Road. Normally, I wouldn?t give too hoots about them coming out of the old baize bag, home, away or indifferent, but this time round, there?s added interest. It?s not been officially announced, as yet, but I?m given to understand Gary Megson has now been appointed as their new manager. The proper press release comes tomorrow morning, as I understand it. Come on, would YOU want to face a Megson-inspired side? I don?t know about you lot out there, but as far as I?m concerned, I?d much rather take my chances with a roomful of starving tarantulas.

No, forget those two, and, for similarly-selfish reasons, all those clubs with a bit of a point to prove, of which there are many scattered around football?s lower basement regions. Going out in such horrible circumstances would be downright embarrassing, to say the least. Remember Woking, Halifax, and similar? The so-called ?lesser side? would have little, if anything, to lose, but a hell of a lot to gain, should they prove triumphal on the day. I still get flashbacks about bloody Tim Buzaglio some 16 years after the event! No, what we need are opponents either so superior to ourselves that going out wouldn?t matter a lino?s sweaty armpit to our street-cred, or a club so down on its uppers, even the mere sight of our team coach would have them quavering in their shoes. Oh, and one that?s within reasonable travelling distance of The Shrine, or a home encounter, even, would make a nice change.

Mind you, I?m going to have to shift a bit tomorrow, just to get back in time for the draw. What I need to do first is shoot off to The Hawthorns to pick up Norwich tickets, then pay Steino a visit in his West Bromwich Market fastness, and drop off his new stock of Dicks while I?m at it. And from there, a bitty look at the books in W.H. Smith later, back to GD Towers for half-one, the advertised time for the settling of our Cup fate. ?Im Indoors will be at work, so at least I?ll be spared all the ornament-rattling squeals of anguish and torment I generally get at those times. Whether he wants me to directly relay what fate has in store for us or not, I don?t know at present, but I?ll soon find out, I guess.

On the transfer front, I?m now beginning to hear encouraging news. According to some reports, we could be looking at the arrival of the thus-far elusive Almeyda within a couple of days. And not before time, too. Additionally, it appears Everton?s Kevin Campbell might be coming to us on a ?free? very soon indeed. He?s an experienced Premiership player, all right, powerful, quick, good at holding the ball up, and a very good finisher; on paper, at least, the possibilities are endless, but I still reserve the right to display a modicum of caution over this.

I might be doing Kanu at total injustice, but right now, despite all that fancy trickery when in possession, two goals in about 19 goals isn?t exactly a decent return for our money, is it? I?m worried about a similar set of circumstances being created here, really. Campbell is 34 years of age: you really do have to ask whether or not he can still do the biz at top level? If he?s looked after himself, then fine, especially as Campbell has always been perceived as a good pro. How would he fit in as part of a combo with Earnie? He?s not a tall player, apparently, consequently his main strength wouldn?t lie in the air. Having said all that, it might do Earnie a deal of good to have as a striking-partner $p someone so experienced at our level; I?m sure our young Welsh international would benefit from the ?twinning? enormously ? assuming Campbell is genuinely capable of cutting the mustard, and we aren?t getting worn-out goods, of course. Should the move some off, we might then offload Rob Hulse, who, despite showing some useful touches yesterday, isn't good enough for the Prem, and never will be, in my opinion. The Horse, Campbell, Earnshaw and Kanu (assuming he?s still here, of course); any of that striking combo at our disposal might just give us a hope, albeit a faint one, admittedly, of staying up.

Returning once more to the contentious subject of Gary Megson landing the Forest post, I suppose it was inevitable, really. Forest really does press all the right buttons as far as both our former leader and their board are concerned; location, just down the M1 from Sheffield; status, a Championship side, and teetering precipitously in second-bottom slot right now. Financial assets? Sing ?Brother, Can You Spare A Dime!? at them, and you?d hit the nail right on the head. Underachievers? Definitely. In all, not a bad description of our own plight when Gary joined us some four or five seasons ago. My prediction? He?ll do a bloody good job for them, despite having sod-all in the way of resources, either financial or human, to work with. It?s a bit late now, but come the end of next season, it wouldn?t surprise me at all to see Forest either pushing for the play-offs, or actually getting in them. And should someone in the top two places blow up as spectacularly as our gold-and-cack chums did that memorable 2001-02 season, he might just add yet another automatic promotion scalp to his belt. As to whether he could then achieve something he couldn?t with us ? stay up ? lacking a crystal ball, I really wouldn?t like to push my luck on that one.

There will be a downside for their followers, though; not my views exclusively, please note, just observations based loosely upon what happened at our club whilst Gary was manager, also the little I do know about the East Midlands side. First off, I strongly suspect that their current emphasis upon giving youth its head will be placed on the back-burner; in fact, the very first thing Megson will do will be to grab some rock-solid experienced defenders from off the transfer-rail, either ?frees?, or loans, and use them liberally in a valiant effort to stop the rot. I do wonder, though, as to whether any of our current playing staff, now perceiving themselves as not suited to the ?new order?, will now jump ship and head on out for the City Ground instead? You can also be sure that from now on, the emphasis will be placed very strongly on matters defensive; he?ll keep them up this season, I reckon, but their supporters won?t enjoy what they?re seeing. Oh, and another thought. Bets, anyone, as to how long it will be before he finally falls out with their chairman?

And Finally?.. One. You just can?t get the fanzine editors these days! On the way up to Deepdale, I asked The Fart about the last time he could remember us getting a result at Preston?s place; his response was to swear blind the last time was in 1959, an answer which I duly incorporated into yesterday?s piece. And that?s why Steve The Miser today sent me a sharp rap on my knuckles, albeit an electronic one. According to our stingy statistician, Albion's last win at Deepdale was a League Cup 3rd Round tie on 6th October 1970, an Asa Hartford goal giving us a 1-0 victory. I now consider myself suitably corrected; as for The Fart, I?ll devise some devilish punishment or other well in advance of our Fulham trip! The Noise, perhaps, telling him all about Wedgwood Pottery?s working practices, as per his encyclopaedic memory, which seriously rivals their official staff handbook as far as attention to small boring detail is concerned?

Two?. And just to show I?m not incapable of guffawing at my own mullocks when the occasion warrants, you can?t get the diarists, either! The lovely Mister Marple, conservative Minister of Transport, opened the M6 Preston bypass in 1958, and not the year I cited. That?s what comes of relying solely on memory and not grabbing a reference book to check, but I would like to point out in mitigation, M?Lud, that I had a very long row indeed to hoe yesterday evening, and was therefore a tad rushed! Many thanks to reader John Bonehill for taking me to task on that one, and I sincerely resolve to do far better in future.

Three?. Please, please, oh PLEEEAASE, nice Mister Burnley Chairman, can we have Richard Chaplow, to take home please, and can we keep him for ever and ever? If you let us take him home, we promise to take him for walks every day, comb his hair as well, feed him before we go to work, and teach him some dead good tricks in our back garden as well. Say we can keep him and we?ll even take him to the vets for all his injections and worming tablets and everything, and we?ll love him and his big wet shiny nose for always.

 - Glynis Wright

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