The Diary

01 January 2005: A Notlob New Year To Everyone

Welcome to my last offering of 2004, and an anticipatory happy New Year to one and all. With the sole exception of our brainless friends from just up the road, of course. (I?m ignoring protests from my other half that by the time this hits your screens, it will well and truly be 2005.) It?s funny, though; as I watch 2004 slide gradually away, what a strange way to end one year and begin another, and by that I mean the way that we spent most of the preceding 12 months wondering (and worrying) what Bin Laden had up his sleeve in the way of WMD?s, only to discover on Boxing Day that when it came to ?weapons of mass-destruction,? Mother Nature could manage quite nicely off her own bat without any help whatsoever from religious fundamentalists, thank you very much. Daft thing was, though, we never did find any in Iraq.

But enough, enough. Back to our favourite football club once more, and what happened today at the AGM, which was, as you might expect, not a lot. There was, however, quite a bit of confusion when people came to sign in; it turned out that those who were awaiting new share certificates weren?t on the list of those entitled to vote in the meeting, which comprised a substantial proportion of those who attended, the ?gate? being somewhere in the region of 30-35 shareholders. Albion Chief Exec John Evans did try to explain that those shareholders who were still waiting for new documentation ? that included both myself and The Fart, by the way, plus John himself, believe it or not ? would be getting their new share certificates very soon, as they were being dispatched in alphabetical order. Trouble was, there was a lady present, whose surname began with ?B? ? and she hadn?t had hers either! All this confusion did mean some who weren?t entitled to vote did so, unknowingly and erroneously, but as things transpired, everything proved so clear-cut on the number of ?yes? votes received beforehand (in the five-figure region; not surprising when you sit, think, and work it all out for yourselves) on various issues, a piddling few extra that shouldn?t have been there didn?t matter diddly-squat to anyone. As I?ve said before, it?s Jeremy?s ball, now, and he?s playing with it.

The main business of the meeting was concerned with rubber-stamping the accounts and the annual report, also re-electing Mark Jenkins to his position on the Board. There was a slot at the end allocated to questions from the floor, most of which concerned the kerfuffle about the share certificates, and clarification, but one that The Fart asked concerning budgeting confirmed that when formulating their short and medium term plans, the board had budgeted for relegation come the end of the current season. We also heard privately that of the top-flight clubs, Albion were one of the very few to show a profit, and when the Sky money came up for renewal in a couple of years time, there would be a lot more clubs at this level feeling the financial pinch. Apparently, should they not go up this season, West Ham could be in big lumber once their parachute payments cease; the amount of debt at Upton Park is truly staggering. And they?re not the only ones by a long chalk. Oh ? and one other thing. Apparently, the AGM being held in working hours this time was a one-off; next year, it should be reverting back to its normal format i.e. the whole show being an evening one once more, but whether the manager (whoever that might be this time next year!) will be attending or not, I?m not too sure on that one.

So straightforward was the whole affair, things ran their full course within the space of around 20-25 minutes, and all that then remained was to circulate among those Albion officials who wanted to natter. We were told that the business of Albion wanting to seal a goalkeeper deal (I made brief reference to it last night) with Leeds that supposedly got us their England U21 keeper Carson for three Albion players plus 500K cash was simply ?paper talk?. The players concerned? Several different versions, apparently ? it all depends upon your personal preferences as regards ?dailies?, I suppose ? but the version I?d heard mentioned in lights the names of Joe Murphy (who has just had his loan spell with The Saddlers extended until May, by the way), Rob Hulse, and AJ. Plausible? To be quite frank, so adept are football people in what is sometimes euphemistically termed ?news management? ? it?s a bit like politics for that - I don?t know what to believe any more. Any road up, by the time The Fart started nattering about wartime football to some blokes of similar age to him (including one who used to work with me, by the way!) I decided to cut and run for West Bromwich proper, and the heavenly delights of W.H. Smiths and their seasonal book stock!

Moving on rapidly, we now turn to tomorrow?s tortuous tryst with The Trotters. The only way I can adequately describe my feelings abut that one are thus: It?s all the hope I can?t stand! Seriously, though, if our manager has anything at all about him, he?ll be using that almighty dollop of jam we received on Tuesday as a springboard to urge his charges on to a better future, one that?s Premiership-shaped. Trouble is, though, has the rot now set in to such an extent that extirpation is now difficult, if not impossible? Oh, and another thought. Interesting to notice AJ?s ringing endorsement of his new gaffer?s more civilised man-management skills tonight; if that was the case, I would have thought each and every one of them would be busting a bloody gut to get some wins for their marvellous new leader. Wouldn?t you?

Having that ?bottom side at Christmas always gets relegated? thing dangling over their heads in true Damocles style doesn?t help at all. Mind you, I can?t even begin to think what bottom sides did in those awful pre-Premiership times when the same situation came to pass. (Yes, despite Sky?s constant hype and endless intimations to those of tender years football?s always been thus, time it was when even the very concept of bloody satellite TV was just a mere twinkle in some boffin?s eye.) Sure, someone?s got to break the modern mould some time, but with hand on heart, can you honestly see the mould-breakers being us?

As far as both line-ups are concerned, Bolton's Kevin Nolan and Ivan Campo are pushing for recalls after being dropped for the game against Blackburn, and the marvellously-named Julio Caesar won?t be playing; he broke his foot and will be out for a further four weeks. And, before you ask, no, the injury didn?t happen on the Ides Of March ? although it should, with a name like that. As far as we?re concerned, we?ll be without Big Dave once more, which is a huge, huge blow to our hopes of getting anything at all from this one. We will also be deprived of the services of Tommy Gaardsoe, for reasons which would be instantly obvious to those who saw the Man City game the other day.

I saw Scimeca hobble somewhat painfully off the pitch on Tuesday, and the injury looked quite nasty then, so I would be totally astonished if he takes any part at all in tomorrow?s game. The club rate him ?50-50?, sure, but get over the sort of knock he had in just a couple of days? Hmmm. Additional doubts are Kanu, still virus-ridden apparently, also Jason Koumas, who some report as having similar in his system, still. Which could indeed be the case; certainly, I do know that it?s medically advisable not to take part in strenuous sport when suffering from a viral illness ? it has been known to lead to rare but fatal complications ? but if that?s the case, then I would have thought being well away from the other players and in bed the proper thing to do. Being on the bench on Tuesday wasn?t the appropriate place for Our Jase, really, assuming all that ?virus? stuff was pukka, of course. One bit of good news, though ? Mister Cosmic Contradiction will be back after that brief ban of his.

So. What can I tell you about Bolton ? or Notlob, as some prefer to call it? Well, their old Burnden Park ground was one of those few that actually starred in a feature film. How come? The movie, called ?The Love Match?, was made around the late fifties, and starred Arthur Askey as a much-put ?upon railway engine-driver dad, whose son played for a rival team to the one Pater supported. There was a bit more to the plot, but the whole thing came to a climax with dad driving his train super-fast to make it in time for the kick-off, a local derby, the viewer is led to believe ? and it?s then you get those fascinating black and white shots of Bolton?s old place, while Dad watches the game from the railway embankment that ran right next to the ground, back then. That?s about all I can remember ? fair play, it must have been about twenty years since I last saw the damn thing on the box - but no doubt some film buff or another will enlighten me further on the small details tomorrow.

As for the place itself ? the town, not the ground ? much of its history was based upon cotton, but before the old weaving started in earnest, even, originally, the big thing was agriculture, and by that, I mean sheep. That?s when Flemish weavers from Belgium started getting in on the act, first moving to Blighty somewhere around the early part of the 14th century. Their additional specialities were clogs (sorry, no flat caps and whippets!), also spinning, but at that early stage, all this was very much a cottage industry.

By the 17th century, cotton (remember the Slave Triangle from history lessons?) had got in on the act, and with the coming of steam, the whole shebang was mechanised come the 18th., the new technology being used to drive the mills, much expanded by then. By the early19th century, Bolton was able to sample the smelly delights of gas illumination for the first time, and it was also around that time both the railway and canal systems came to the town, which was a considerable boost for local industry, of course.

Now here?s a sobering thought. In the 1921 census, 33,000 Bolton people were employed in textiles, 7000 in commercial and financial sectors, 4600 in transport and communications, 4000 in coal mining and quarrying, 2200 in woodworking, 2000 in building trades, 900 in paper works, 900 in agriculture, 800 in painting, 700 in leather working, and 500 in electrical industry. Of the number of mills, in the 1950's there were still 103 cotton mills, in 1966 there were 34; by 1979 just 8 remained. All undercut by cheap imports, I suppose. Certainly, in the 1980?s, Bolton suffered far more than its fair share of hardship as a result of the main local industry imploding in such dramatic fashion. I?m not sure what?s there now. Call centres, probably.

Famous Bolton people? Comedienne Hylda Baker, well known for the catchphrase ?She knows, yer know!? ? well, it used to sound funny about forty years ago ? and band-leader/singer Jack Hylton, who first trod the boards during the early part of the 20th century, then became famous during the thirties and forties with his band, which even toured the USA at the height of its fame. Additionally, and in a similar line of work to Jack ? theatre orchestra conductor ? there?s Alain Alsworth, who actually made it as far as being conductor of the London Palladium orchestra and performed that duty in many Royal Command Performances. Sticking with all things thespian, still, there?s also Claire Moore, West End stage singer, who deputised for Sarah Brightman in ?Phantom Of The Opera? when she became ill. Peter Kay, a very funny guy indeed, also hails from the town. People will remember him largely for ?Phoenix Nights?. And last, but most certainly not least, flat-capped Fred Dibnah, steeplejack extraordinaire, who achieved much fame via his BBC programme, which featured old steam engines, and sadly died, recently.

And that?s it. To those who have already seen the new year in, I hope the hangover wasn?t too torturous ? and to the ones who have still to celebrate, those on the other side of The Big Pond, while I?m getting some zeds, just think of me when you have a few, there?s a love. Back tomorrow night after the game, and hopefully with some good news for once ? but don?t bank on it. ?Semper Te Fallant?, remember?

 - Glynis Wright

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