The Diary

01 November 2004: Strachan Or Hoddle? Some Poll Results

Here we are, then, at the very end of October, falling leaves, gusting winds, and Halloween, a time when normally-impenetrable barriers between the worlds of the living and the dead supposedly melt away, albeit temporarily, and zombies, the un-dead, plus numerous other ghostly and ghastly beings walk (or lurch?) through the darkened streets to terrorise the unwary. A bit like a typical Saturday evening in Wolverhampton, really. Remembered to put your clocks back last night, y?all? A bit late if you haven?t, really. Not that it matters to those living in other countries; for the benefit of those unaware of this quaint little autumnal custom of ours, the concept has its origins in both world wars, and was first introduced to give farmers a little more daylight to play with in winter, thus enabling them to do their thing more efficiently, thereby indirectly assisting the war effort.

Fast forward to the present day, and most people here find it a sodding nuisance, completely out of date, and, signalling the advent of real winter as it does, highly depressing, but there you are. And All Saints Day tomorrow, would you know. With Hoddle in with a good shout of landing the Albion post, what with his Southampton connections and everything, is that an omen? Hang on a minute, but so has Gordon Strachan! Oh dear, back to the drawing board.

Having never heard him speak at any great length until yesterday ? I?ve only ever exchanged a couple of casual words, if that, with the guy since he first started at our place ? I was really impressed with Frank Burrows last night. He exuded nothing but complete dignity and decency from every pore in that Match of The Day interview of his, and during it, reminded me more of a Scottish GP gently discussing with a colleague the optimal treatment for a particularly hard-to-cure patient, than a hard-bitten top-flight coach.

In some ways, I feel very sorry for Frank; on the box, he comes over as a vastly different sort of cove indeed to his former gaffer, old-school in the nicest possible way, gentle, almost - and it?s a nailed-on cert that he will be out of a job within a very few days. Although the situation that landed him in temporary charge was not of his making, since Meggo?s departure, he?s buckled down to the task without complaint, and in that short time, has conducted himself impeccably under what could have been extremely difficult circumstances, maintaining a highly positive and seemly public image of West Bromwich Albion throughout. Additionally, not long after his coming to the club, there was that awful kidney cancer scare and subsequent op. It goes without saying I really do wish him well for the future once he?s gone.

Talking of which, what?s the very latest on who Albion supporters want as their new gaffer? Conrad Chircop, a mate of ours, has been running a very unofficial poll thingy online over the last few days, and with around 450 Baggies voting thus far, the results are as follows: Gordon Strachan 29.35%; Glenn Hoddle 20.87%; Sir Bobby Robson 16.52%; Martin Jol 6.96%; Gerald Houllier 6.52%; Bryan Robson 4.35%. So pick the bones out of that little lot, then. Not a representative sample, statistically speaking, as it?s an extremely small group of respondents involved, but it?s the best I can do outside of actually believing what the bookies have to say for once. Only snag is, though, Strachan has already quite publicly ruled himself out of the job. What he says in open discussion might be a load of dingo doo-doo, of course ? for all I know, his letter of application could well be sitting smugly on Jeremy?s desk even as I write ? but to all intents and purposes, the way it looks, Hoddle, rather than Ginger Nut Mark Two, is likely to be our man in but a very short space of time.

Should The Sainted Glenn indeed be the chosen one, will his players be collectively known as the God Squad, I wonder? There are an awful lot of our lot, now, who are worshippers in their spare time; Big Dave's strong faith is well known. Doesn?t stop him putting himself about during games, though; during those ninety minutes, it?s as if the concept of ?turning the other cheek? had never been invented. Just ask Sean Newton! Zoltan Gera is a born again Christian, I?m given to understand, and Kanu also professes to have firm religious beliefs. And, being of a practical bent, actually donates a proportion of his salary to an African charity while he?s at it. And it might not stop there; To replace presumed departees Crawford and Shelton, Hoddle could also bring back born again Cyrille Regis into his flock, and rescue lay preacher Bernie McNally from AFC Telford!

And there?s also the associated stuff involving Ellen Drewery. Spiritualism in the dressing room? Spooks in the showers? Table-rapping on the team coach? Ooer. Mind you, things could get worse. How many of you remember David Icke, former custodian with Coventry City and Hereford, among others, and now a firm believer in a conspiracy of alien green lizards to take over the Earth? Apart from supplying living proof of the oft-quoted theory that all goalkeepers are one banana short of a full bunch, you never know, his ?talents? might see him get a job at the Shrine before too long. And then we really would be in trouble.

An interesting little piece came my way courtesy of ?Im Indoors today. Written by Adrian Chiles for the Independent, it?s an appreciation of Gary Megson?s time at the club. Adrian, of course, knew our former gaffer via journalism, and first met him when doing a radio interview not long after Gary took over at The Hawthorns. Adrian also did that ?day in the life? TV thing with him last February, during the making of which they really became pally. There?s also a startling new angle on how Meggo came to make the team talk he gave in the dressing-room immediately before the Crystal Palace home game, two seasons before. Believe it or not, Adrian had a hand, albeit unwittingly and indirectly, in composing it! It?s certainly a fresh take on what is an extremely complex and fascinating character ? say what you like, life with our former gaffer was never, ever dull! ? and well worth reading. You?ll find it on the Indie?s website, http://sport.independent.co.uk, should you want to digest the thing in its entirety. Please do ? I thoroughly recommend it.

What could be worse than losing 4 - 1 at home? According to a chap called Chris Evans (no, not THAT one!) there?s something that?s the absolute pits by comparison, especially if you?re a motorist as well as a Baggie. What is it? Losing 4-1, then finding that your car has been towed away by a legalised gang of highway robbers, that?s what. According to Chris, he?s not a first time parker in Mountbatten Close, off Beeches Road; he?s been leaving his trusty jalopy there for the past 3 or 4 years. This, apparently, is a popular parking spot for a good many home fans. On Saturday a company called Pro Security towed away 6 supporters' vehicles. Chris parked up at 2.20, and subsequently discovered by talking to locals his car was gone, whisked away, by 3.00. It was then taken to some god-forsaken yard in the back end of Brum, and he had to pay (gulp!) ?329 to get it back. He quite naturally assumed all the other five drivers had to do the same, which if correct was a bit of a bugger, because one poor devil was supposed to be driving home to Manchester afterwards. So there you have it. All part of a public service from me to you; if you happen to regularly park in that part of the town on matchdays ?DON?T!

And Finally?..One. Curiouser and curiouser. I?ve just found out that copies of the book wot I writ once, the one about us during our first promotion season, are now on sale in the States, in Wal-Mart stores, would you believe? And I?ve even got tangible evidence in the form of blurb from a US website listing outlets over there. I?m really puzzled, now, because no-one ever mentioned to me at the time it was published that the thing would be marketed to our Transatlantic cousins. Another puzzle ? where, over there, is there a genuine readership-base for such an obscure publication? British football culture is many light-years apart from its American counterpart, which, to me, seems to consist almost entirely of what are only slightly-cruelly termed ?soccer moms?. From what I?ve seen of the American media, when they can be sufficiently arsed to write about foreign affairs, that is, us football-following Brits are invariably portrayed as moronic thugs, nothing more, nothing less, so my puzzlement is therefore great, and increasing by the minute.

Two. Sheffield United published their yearly accounts recently ? and boy, are they in a mess. What with the repercussions still being felt from the sad end of ITV Digital, plus the virtual collapse of the transfer market at that level, the Blades report an overall loss of some ?20.346 million this time round. They are proposing a novel way of generating revenue, though. Plans are afoot to build a hotel and casino development in close proximity to Bramall Lane. Coo, just think about it; you open your curtains in your room forst thing in the morning ? and what do you see? Precisely. And not only that, the dulcet tones of Warnock leading his thuggish troops through an assault course/training session! I simply can?t wait to book.

And that?s about it. Back when there?s a new managerial appointment. Somehow, I don?t think we?ll have to wait too long.

 - Glynis Wright

Contact the Author

Diary Index