The Diary

01 October 2004: The Night The Sheikh's Tent Beckoned

Back once more, and to start with, a conundrum. No, not a new type (or flavour) of male contraceptive, just a riddle I want some answers to. Yesterday, on my way to West Bromwich to spend some of my Lottery winnings on new books, I spotted a huge crane situated right outside the Halfords Stand and blocking half of Halfords Lane. Clearly, it had been used to lift something into the ground ? but what? Today, I put the question to the Boing mailing-list, so here?s a selection of the replies I got! They've had to upgrade the hairdryer in the changing rooms now that AJ and Greening are fighting over it; Megson's chip being taken off his left shoulder, and Kev Buckley?s theory ? Albion were suspending some form of wind vortex creating device above the pitch to channel the ball away from the Woodman-East Stand and Halford-Smethwick corners of the pitch, thus allowing us to play without a left back or a right winger (or even with Haas as the right winger) for a couple of games! Another chap postulated they were having to reinforce the foundations for the coming influx of Japanese journalists and fans, either that or a new bath for Big Dave! ?Yer pays yer money? et cetera, but if anyone does have any genuine thoughts, please let me know.

Tonight, it was back into Supporters Club mode and a formal meeting held, for the first time ever, at their new Hawthorns Hotel HQ, otherwise known as the Sheikh?s Tent, now graced by the addition of that most Western of acquisitions, a ?big screen? as mentioned in a previous jotting. Incidentally, I?ve now discovered the reason for the unusual line in d?cor; apparently, the billowy stuff?s there to cover up some truly hideous wallpaper, or similar. I?m reliably informed that what?s hidden beneath is truly a crime against interior decoration! This meeting genuinely was a ?game of two halves?, incidentally; the first was devoted to formal SC business, including the election of committee members for the coming year, approval of the finances, and all that jazz, and the second took the form of a normal SC meeting, to which former players Bomber Brown (yes, him again!) and Brendon Batson were the invited guests.

But, before that, the formal bit. I won?t bore you with all the details of what went on; there?s only so much of the old ?so-and-so was re-elected as Treasurer?s bottle-washer for the seventh successive year? type of stuff that normal human beings can cope with, but I will make mention of some of what new SC chairman John Homer had to say tonight. The reason for my doing so is John?s belief that the Supporters Club currently stands at a crossroads in its history.

This he made abundantly clear in his first major speech since taking the job on. The problems facing the organisation, as John and the other Committee members saw them, were a falling off of membership, some of which was due to the lack of players attending such meetings, also the loss of the Throstle Club as a place where supporters could gather, drink and socialise pre-match. The loss of The Player Of The Year Night and problems associated with the annual Christmas meal had also had an adverse effect on the organisation. As things stood, although the club had promised new premises in the new Halfords Lane stand to replace the old Throstle Club, the way things were going, it could be several years before this aim was achieved. Lack of players to invite as guests was also the main reason why some outlying branches, mostly smaller than the main branch, had folded. (One very much bucking the trend, incidentally, was a newly-formed East Midlands Branch, to be run by Dawn Astle, daughter of The King.)

John then went on to say that the main problem for the Supporters Club lay in the perception of some members that benefits previously associated with being a member (e.g.. having the chance to listen to, and meet, their favourites at meetings) had now gone, and people were now voting with their feet as a result. At present, relations between the football club and the SC concerning such issues were quite divergent; what John wanted to do was to try to get relations on a more equitable footing, consequently it was imperative to demonstrate to Albion that the Supporters Club, and its membership were a highly responsible body, who carried out their business in a professional manner, also to have a strong membership. If the latter could be achieved also, this would then enable them to negotiate from a position of strength.

He also said that in order to achieve this, it was also important to foster greater links with the club; that was the reason he was currently trying to set up meetings with various Albion personages with a view towards thrashing out a mutually-beneficial solution to problems. John also said he was endeavouring to forge links between the SC and the ex-players association in order to facilitate the attendance of ex-players as guests. Basically, the Supporters Club were offering their unconditional support for the club but naturally, they wanted something in return; the measures they proposed to adopt were those they believed to be the most efficacious in that respect. Currently, the primary function of the Supporters Club was just that; supporting the parent football club.

The formal business out of the way, it was then time for a break, and a free buffet lovingly prepared by Dave Holloway, he of Baggies Travel, also ownership of a sandwich-and-similar-stuff delivery concern, hence all the nosh ? and very toothsome it was, too. A quarter of an hour or so to shift that little lot down, then back to the ?second half? and Brendon Batson and Bomber Brown. Bomber I spoke about the other day, when he attended Kidderminster Branch, but Brendon?s wasn?t a face we saw all that often at meetings. Nice to see him participating in tonight?s function, I have to say. It was Brendon who kicked off the proceedings by commenting on the Darren Purse thing (see below); as soon as he saw the replay of the incident, he thought instantly, ?He?s in trouble!?. There?s no appeal for two yellows, as such, but a referee can look at a match video and rescind a caution. He also pointed out that the referee?s performance during the game would be assessed and reported upon by several people, managers included. A good move was the replacement of refs head honcho Philip Don, who got rather a bad press during his time in office, by Keith Hackett.

John Homer (who was now acting in his other capacity as MC for the duration) then posed the question of why it was so many players were getting dismissed from the field of play these days? An Albion player was sent off in 1937, but it was an additional 35 years before another Baggie managed to emulate the feat. Nowadays, sendings-off and cautions were something of little consequence to both media and supporters. Bomber reckoned the game had changed beyond all recognition since then. The pace was much quicker, for example, which meant players without the necessary skills were being found out. Obviously, the sheer amount of money now at stake for clubs was a significant factor. Some players deliberately ?dive? or ?simulate?, as it?s termed now, or throw themselves about. Additionally, the game was more professional now, more money was involved, and some players would do anything to ensure they were on the winning side. Referees were also different in those days; then, one could have a bit of banter with them, and if someone did wrong during play, they?d have a quiet word in the offender?s ear. Now, the relationship between footballers and match officials has changed completely.

Brendon then took the discussion further by opining that the best alteration to the rules he?d seen in recent times was the outlawing of the tackle from behind. The only drawback, in his opinion, was that it tended to encourage the use of the long-ball in play. What he would like to see clamped down on next, though, was the amount of bumping and barging that went on off the ball in the box during, say, the taking of a corner. Brendon also reckoned that the main reason why FIFA had outlawed the taking off of shirts during goal celebrations was because in some countries, the display of bare flesh in that manner could be considered offensive to some people. Referees, he continued, had their diktats from FIFA. If they didn?t obey, they got marked down by the assessor. It was one of the ladies from Wednesbury Branch that had the last word on this particular subject; she couldn?t wait for the day when one of the players took their SHORTS off by way of celebration!

What did mystify Brendon during the Fulham game the other day was the fact that when Van de Saar, their keeper, stood way, way off his line for the taking of that spot kick, not a single one of our finest raised their voice in protest. (Incidentally, someone has since told me that the correct punishment for such an infringement is for the offending player to be yellow carded and the penalty taken again; as Van de Saar was already on a ?yellow?, had the referee applied the complete letter of the law to the situation, the player would have walked, no question.) Brendon added that the overuse of the second yellow card only served to ?cheapen? the sanction. He was also of the opinion that referees should be allowed to exercise some discretion in the awarding of cards, and not be forced to apply the laws so rigidly. Some whistlers believed they had to stick rigidly to the rules.

There then followed a general discussion on ?simulation?, and what could be done about it. Brendon wasn?t in favour of ?sin-bins? as a solution; he thought it would cause more problems than it solved. Also, he was of the opinion that Fulham?s ?crowding? of the referee the other day caused something of an ?image problem? for the cub in particular and the game in general. What had happened to the English game, and was there still one? Bomber reckoned it was still there to a degree, but the comparatively recent influx of foreigners had made a difference. There was more skill, sure, but there were more things like ?diving? to mar the game. The old-fashioned English game, as people like myself and The Fart knew it, had gone for good. Having said that, players still strive to win the ball, tackle, and so forth, but if you take that out, the game?s dead.

Brendon chipped in at that point, saying that in the past, because of the marked divergence in styles, British clubs in Europe, Liverpool, Forest, and so forth, had suffered. Greatly. Now there was a much more level playing field and, talking of which, he wouldn?t want to go back to the truly awful pitches on which games were played then. A classic example was the Albion-Man United, FA Cup replay, 1978, played on a rained upon surface that closely resembled a bog. The trouble was, such conditions caused injuries. The ball had changed also, everything had changed. Bomber reckoned he would have loved to play with the ball they have now. Harking back to his younger days at the club, he reckoned that if current players could master the ball they had to train with when he was an apprentice, they?d do well. When he first started, they were given the worst balls at the club to train with, deflated, ripped on the surface, and so forth. It was therefore a pleasant transformation, that following Saturday, to finally get to grips with a decent ball for once.

Memories of the late Brian Clough? Bomber reckoned he once sat next to the great man during a Variety Club of Great Britain Awards ceremony, in which our hero came second to Tessa Sanderson for some glittering prize or another. When Bomber?s name was mentioned as runner-up, Cloughie then leaned over the table and said to Bomber in his inimitable style, ?Tony, you should have won that. How they could give that to someone who throws a spear??..? Sadly, Bendon could only remember meeting him in the twilight of his career, but did say what a fantastic job he did as a manager.

Bomber also reckoned there was another side to Cloughie, the one the public didn?t see. Apparently, Bomber used to have a good natter to Alan Ashman over coffee on a weekly basis before he died, and one of his stories concerned the time Cloughie brought a side to play in Greece. (Alan was managing a Greek side at the time.) Sadly, the full details of what they got up to are unrepeatable in polite company, so I can?t elucidate more on this particular topic!

On to John Osborne, our sixties and seventies keeper, of course. Bomber told us that he very rarely wore gloves when in goal at first, and all the problems Ossie had with his fingers afterwards stemmed from that. As you may know already, Ossie played with plastic joints in a couple of his knuckles, which were well and truly arthritic. Problems would arise when it was cold and wet, come half-time, the first thing Ossie would do was try to warm the offending joints with hot water from the showers, or something similar.

Apparently, it was common to find him literally in tears with pain at these times. Maybe that was the reason he never enjoyed playing on Saturdays? The rest of the week was fine, according to Bomber; it was just the actual Saturdays he couldn?t stand! He was also a bundle of nerves until he got onto that pitch, but never hid it. Bomber also mentioned his habit of asking supporters for a fag when things were quiet at his end: I can readily confirm that bit because my elder sister was one of the suppliers! Incidentally, when I told present keeper Russell Hoult of this particular quirk of Ossie?s character on one fairly recent occasion, he couldn?t quite believe what he was hearing! You couldn?t imagine for a minute one of our present day custodians doing similar, could you? For one thing, Megson would skin the offender alive.

One final question. The best side they?d ever seen? Liverpool, without a doubt, said Brendon. Bomber? 1970?s Leeds, said he. Sure, they were a physical side, but when they had possession, they could play football. He also added the rider that then, there were lots of so-called ?good? sides, but now, the numbers you could so rate were limited by comparison.

That?s the doings of the Supporters Club (and guests) done with, then; now to some contemporary issues. It seems as though Darren Purse?s woes have increased greatly in magnitude ? and so, by inference, ours. He was, as you know by now, reported to the FA for ?violent conduct? then banned today for three games. No, nothing to do with the cards he received on Saturday, more that capriciously-flung elbow of his which hit colleague Scimeca full in the face early in the game (and resulted in lengthy treatment for the wounded soldier), later presumably adjudged by the FA ? they must have seen the video of the game - to have been intended for a Toon skull instead!

I have to say it?s the first time I?ve ever heard of a player being ?done? for something truly hypothetical i.e. the possibility, nothing more, of the errant elbow being meant for one of the black and white shirted fraternity, but decking one of our own instead. I really do have to ask the question: had the alleged assailant been one of Alex Ferguson?s little cherubs, or Arsene Wenger?s, instead of someone belonging to one of the Prem?s ?minnow? sides, would the charge have been laid at all, never mind made to stick? Not that the hearing was much of an example of natural justice in action ? Darren wasn?t allowed to attend in person, and any evidence to show why he should not be punished had to be at the FA within 24 hours, which wasn?t a great help, as the hearing was today!

Focussing on disciplinary matters for a moment longer, Clem?s been given a further three-match ban for violent conduct by the FA following his red-carding versus Fulham. Thereby providing incontrovertible proof that when you?re really in the s**t, it ploppeth down from the heavens in dirty great smelly lumps. Quite a blow, this, to lose our defender for that length of time, as he was really beginning to show his worth in the side when all this happened. What with that and the ban for our very own defensive money-bag as well, it sure feels, now, as though Someone Up There really does have it in for us!

And finally?. ?GOULD!

Always believe in your soul.

You've got the power to know

you're indestructible.

Always believe in 'cause you are

GOULD!???

That, believe it or not, was the lung-busting ditty emanating from the Meadow End last Tuesday night when Conference side Hereford got through to the second round of the Mickey Mouse Cup on penalties! Being a hardened veteran of our very own Gould administration, circa 1991-2, it was certainly strange to hear that little lot issuing forth from the lips of the cider-sluggers massed behind his goal. Had they sampled a little too much of the flagon?s contents, I wondered? All joking apart, though, an entertaining affair it was, all thrills and spills, and well worth the 13 quid the Edgar Street faithful paid on the night. Scunthorpe were the luckless opposition, and 1-1 was the score at the end of normal time; as I said earlier, they went out on spot-kicks in the end, although in my opinion it should never have got that far. Six times the home side had their League opponents? heads on a plate in the second half, and six times The Bulls stuffed up in spectacular fashion.

Quite a scalp, though, for the now-rampant Edgar Street lot, as Scunny are currently second in the Second, if you get my drift. Oh ? the aforementioned lyrics have probably well and truly given it away, but there were strong Albion connections, which is why I?ve included it in tonight?s jottings. Tucka Trewick, their coach, aside, guess: a) who saved the crucial penalties, and b) fired in the winning spot-kick? Yep, that?s right - none other than ex-Baggies Jonathan Gould, and Danny Carey-Bertram, all two barrels of him. Mind you, given the almighty whack of dodgy DNA Gould Junior presumably inherited from certifiably-looney dad Bobby (just resigned from Peterborough, and at half-time, would you believe, which means he?s now available for the Albion job, should it fall vacant!) shouldn?t the Hereford terrace aficionados be singing yet another early Eighties smash, ?The Lunatic Has Taken Over The Asylum.??

 - Glynis Wright

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