The Diary

27 September 2004: The Toon? Give 'Em An Oscar, I Say!

Thank goodness for Sundays, say I. A day of rest, nominally, and a chance to finally catch up after all the miles we?ve done this week, although I did arise rather late; starting last night?s effort at around half-ten, and only finishing said task at around half-three in the morning is not exactly conductive towards getting one?s rightful ration of beauty-sleep. The next long-distance horror will be Crystal Palace away, on the 23rd of October, so our immediate future will consist entirely of home games plus a break for the World Cup qualifiers, thank goodness. As I said yesterday, Old Father Time has begun to exert an unwelcome influence concerning my ability to cope with these long day trips. And so is the near-certainty of getting sod-all out of them, save a hole in one?s bank balance the size of The Grand Canyon. Wouldn?t it be nice, for once, if some of those ?suits?, instead of displaying an insatiable appetite for taking our money without giving anything back by way of return, suddenly, publicly, thanked us for our unstinting support for the club? About as likely as George Bush kissing and making up with his chum Osama bin Laden, I know, but I can still dream, can?t I?

Newcastle did get the better of us, eventually, but they weren?t exactly a side of Arsenal, or Man United quality or proportions. Before they finally broke the deadlock, their attacks were worrisome, sure, but, more often than not, their advances seemed to peter out or were countered by our rearguard once the ball was in our box. That?s why, yes, the red card for The Purse ? or ?The Puss?, in Black Country-speak - did turn the game. Up to that defining moment, we?d been just as cute as they at the back, and, it could be argued, getting the better of the confrontation during the beginning of the second half. You could also put up a pretty convincing argument for saying that had it not been for the sending off, we would have got a point, maybe more, although the introduction of Robert into the fray just before the dismissal did put a different complexion on things. Nevertheless, I still think we could have weathered the storm, and ended the game on equal pegging, at the very least.

Not that the booking came as much surprise to me; all through the game, it seemed Newcastle were performing as though the Oscar Awards judges were watching from the stands, especially on those occasions they got within spitting-distance of our box. That was the cue for the black-and-white-shirted player concerned to drop as if felled by a mad axe-man, writhe in hopefully-convincing agony, then wait for the referee?s whistle. Then, if it wasn?t forthcoming, staging a miracle recovery worthy of Lourdes itself. To be fair, the match official wasn?t having it half the time, but the Toon were still quite capable of conning the bloke nevertheless, and that second booking, to me, was nonsensical. On such trivial happenings are managerial careers decided, and somehow, I get the impression the dismissal and its sequel didn?t exactly enhance GM?s Albion career prospects.

The fundamental trouble with our favourite football club right now is we lack sufficient predatory instincts. It?s not due to any reluctance on the part of the players to apply the ?killer blow?; it?s purely and simply because they?re under managerial orders not to take risks, not to commit themselves to a more attacking style, to ?be safe?, in short. We don't finish teams off because we won't "go for it" and, as the proverb goes, ?faint heart never won fair maiden?. To which you could add the rider ? ?nor fair game? either. At times, you really would think someone had drawn a map of the opposition penalty area with the legend ?Here Be Dragons? marked in heavy Gothic script ? and told our players to study it carefully. Or that someone had secretly laid a minefield within the boundaries of the opposition box. Time and time again we?ve seen it, both this season and last; a distinct reluctance to push up on opponents, to go forward, and give their rearguard something to worry about for a change. This translates itself to our league position, which is just about as low as it can be, despite rising one rung on the Premiership ladder yesterday, through default.

The top and bottom of it is we just don't score anywhere near enough goals. I?ve said it before and I?ll say it again; attack is by far the best form of defence. While the ball?s in the opposition?s half of the field, they?re not exactly best placed to score, are they? Take last week?s encounter, versus Fulham; the sending-off meant they were reduced to ten for a considerable time. Cue to really give them hell via the flanks and Lloyd Dyer, stretching them to their elastic limit and beyond? Nope, our tactics (or our manager, if you wish: please yourself) decreed we still had to have three central defenders marking one forward. And, during every game, not just the Fulham one, we still bring everybody back to defend a corner. Where?s the logic in that?

Many strikes are scored by taking advantage of defensive weaknesses caused by opponents bringing everyone forward to gain from the taking of a set-piece in or around the opposition?s territory. If we seriously intend to stay in this division, then we?ve got to get wise, and quick. Man City have the right idea; sure, they concede a lot, but they sure as hell score a lot, as well. And, what?s more, it?s entertaining stuff, the tingly sort of fare that keeps you on the edge of your seat the entire game ? which is more than can be said for the present stodgy, dull-as-ditchwater stuff we?re routinely served up these days. On paper, we have within our ranks some very talented performers indeed. Why not throw caution to the winds and let them play their natural game for a change? The most that can happen is we get relegated, a sorry state of affairs that?s going to be the case anyway should we not see the error of our ways very soon. Or, taking it to a more personal level, our manager finally loses his job. It doesn?t need me to say that if he doesn?t pull his finger out soon, that?s precisely what will happen anyway.

There?s another matter that worried me yesterday, though, and that was the first goal, or rather, the manner in which we conceded. Normally, Houlty is as sound as the Bank Of England between those posts, but yesterday, that initial strike was down to him parrying the ball for Kluivert to pounce in short order. No-one else was to blame for that lapse, not our defence, not the club cat, even ? but Houlty himself. Agreed, our fate was sealed the moment the dismissed Darren left the field of play, but it?s still annoying to ship the first in circumstances where one might have reasonably hoped not to. I don?t expect to see Houlty deviate from his normally impeccable custodial standards, even slightly; he?s proved he?s much better than that in the past. A side-effect of his recent illness or more worrying than that, I wonder? Perhaps it might prove more efficacious to rotate our keepers; as they?ve all so amply shown in the past, collectively, they are more than up to the job of sticking between the sticks, and to do that would, of course, give them all a fair bite at the much desired top-match cherry. Plus the eminently desirable bonus of keeping all three on their toes, perhaps?

And now, news of an event which touches upon the stuff I wrote recently about The Black Country Hibbee, who sadly died earlier this year; Diary regulars might remember the piece in question. Well, Steve Hyde, of Stourbridge FC, now tells me they?ve arranged their annual charity football match for Sunday 17 October 2004 - kick off 2.30pm. Teams consisting of former players of West Bromwich Albion and Aston Villa will compete to raise funds principally for The County Air Ambulance Trust. Programme (with admission) for the game are available priced at ?2, either in advance, or on the day.

The game has also been arranged in memory of Stourbridge FC committee member Steve Hickman, aka ?Little Steve? aka ?The Black Country Hibbee?. It?s a worthwhile cause on both levels, and The Hibbee himself would have been tickled pink by the thought of someone honouring him in this way, so if you?re in the Black Country area, and you?ve got a little time to spare on that Sabbath, then why not pop along? At the very least, you?ll see some former favourites in action, albeit somewhat creakily, and, in addition, you?ll be contributing to the memory of someone for whom Albion was his life.

And finally?. One. A piece of post-match humour from our leader, unintentional, I think? "I put Geoff (Horsefield) on as he's been chomping at the bit ??..?

Two?.. Spotted by The Fart in that most accurate and well-informed of Sunday tabloids, the News Of The World: "Megson may be burying his head in the sand, but rumour has it that defeat at Crystal Palace next Saturday would be the end?.? As our very own Crimean veteran commented on the Boing mailing-list today, ?Don't forget. It?s Crystal Palace at Selhurst Park next week for a game we simply can't afford to lose!? See you there?

 - Glynis Wright

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