The Diary

20 September 2004: Meggo For Wednesday?

?The immovable object has met the irresistible force, and something has to give.?

Ooer. According to a Sunday newspaper, that was one so-called insider?s view of the current Peace-Meggo spat, which saw yet another publication postulating today that Man City were simply waiting for the opportune moment to offload Kevin Keegan, then, once that had been done, tempting our leader up the M6 and the delights of the City Of Manchester. This would then lead to Sir Bobby Robson being installed as our new gaffer, Zimmer frame, pension book and all, presumably. Good job there?s a Post Office down Brasshouse Lane so he can take his book there every Thursday, then, isn?t it?

In fact, there?s been lots of speculation about our gaffer today, one way or another; someone even suggesting he might be the target of underachieving Sheffield Wednesday, who savagely swung the axe poised above their former boss?s head on Saturday, after they?d gone down one-nil at home. For what it?s worth, the unofficial Wednesday website certainly seems to think so; they?ve got Megson, along with Paul Sturrock, Ronnie Moore and Stan Ternent bookmarked as possible successors to Chris Turner at Hillsborough.

Likely? I don?t reckon so. To drop two divisions would not be seen as a good career move by The Ginger One. Sure, Meggo has a pretty long Wednesday pedigree (I can remember seeing his dad play for the Hillsborough club back in the 1960?s, and he was most certainly someone who also brooked no nonsense in defence), he?s a self-confessed Wednesday nut, and I believe his son is a regular Wednesday-watcher, but take all that baggage on? They?re currently in debt up to their eyeballs, and are having to flog off the family silver, their training ground, just to keep the wolf from the door. Gary has recently sung the praises of our training facilities, so he?s not going to want to move to somewhere with a workplace of inferior status. Underachieving club, underachieving players, currently in hock big-time to the men in suits, modern stadium, huge but loyal support ? er, hang on, haven?t we been there before?

Seriously, though, above all, Megson is an ambitious bloke, and to deliberately drop two divisions would be taking sentiment to ludicrous levels. In any case, Wednesday tried to poach him when Albion were in a much worse position than today, but he didn?t want to go. No, should he quit the Black Country, I see management in what was the First Division being his bag, providing no top-flight club rushed in to acquire his services beforehand. It?s by no means certain someone at this level might want him loudly gracing their touchline, but the media seem to think several outfits a division lower are absolutely gagging for it ? his Division One/Championship promotion know-how, I mean! Mind you, the mere thought of Gary Megson piloting one of the Sheffield clubs, and ?Psycho? Warnock the other does have a certain cachet about it, n?est ce pas?

Moving on rapidly, it seems that Craven Cottage is currently echoing to the sound of dollies being hurled out of prams with great force, courtesy Fulham boss Chris Coleman. Today, he pointed the finger at Darren Purse for causing the bad feeling that occurred in yesterday?s game, calling our skipper a "coward. He also claimed that Cole was stamped on before dismissal. Coleman was furious with both Purse and Clem, in fact, calling the Purse tackle ?a coward?s challenge - a leg breaker?. Coleman then went on to say, "He should have been sent off for that as it started the bad feeling later, no doubt."

It strikes me that the Cottager doth protest too much. Coleman knows the rules as well as this column. Confucius he say, he who raise hand to opponent let alone proceed to shove him into the next county, practically, get red card ? end of story. The same applies to Andy Cole and his pugilistic display ? the ref had no option but to point to the tunnel, period. If anyone should be complaining, it?s Clem, although, with hindsight, I don?t think anything would have changed, Dyer or no Dyer in close attendance. What I?d forgotten last night was that Clem had already been booked, so, yellow card or straight red, he would still have walked. Not surprising that had slipped my mind; there were so many cautions and so forth flying around yesterday, it was a full-time job just keeping track of ?em all, so I didn?t. Come to think of it, I?m willing to bet that the ref was expending as much midnight oil as I did yesterday simply writing the match report. Presumably, the paperback edition will be available in W.H. Smith before too long! Steven Spielberg to acquire the film rights? Hmmmmm.

Regarding the controversy surrounding Earnshaw's penalty, with Fulham using delaying tactics, and the goalkeeper well off his line as our Wales striker took his kick, the much put-upon ref, Mike Dean, has also reported Fulham to the FA for the way their players harassed him during the match. Quite right too. Trouble is, the FA (or, more accurately, FIFA) are so intent upon enforcing daft rules about penalising players celebrating a goal by taking their shirts off, they?re doing diddly-squat about the stuff that does matter, i.e. what happened when the referee gave that penalty yesterday. I can only guess that Fulham, seeing how The Arse got what they wanted by verbally hassling the man in black last Saturday, decided to adopt similar tactics themselves, with some degree of success, as demonstrated by Earnie?s subsequent miss. Funny, though; while all that pre-penalty shenanigans was going on yesterday, my one thought was: ?How I wish Hughsie hadn?t ended up inside, he wouldn?t have cared diddly-squat about Fulham trying to put him off.?

Such childish behaviour on the part of our visitors might have seemed a good idea at the time, but it appears Fulham do have ?previous? for this sort of thing. In December 2001, both they and Everton were involved in a 20-man melee, would you believe? Fulham clearly still haven?t cottoned on that it?s an immutable rule of this league that one?s ability to get away with such unsporting antics increases in direct proportion to the Premiership position and/or influence of the side doing the hassling, and right now, Fulham?s can?t go much lower. Life?s pretty unfair at this standard of football, as we all well know, so don?t be surprised if they get clobbered hard by the FA over this. As far as we?re concerned, I can?t see us getting penalised for what happened; we were the innocent party, pretty much.

Whoever was responsible, though, I still maintain the solution to this sort of thing lies fairly and squarely with the referee; start by booking an offender or two for dissent, or ungentlemanly conduct, or for simply wearing the wrong sort of aftershave, then, if they still persist indulging in such unpleasant tactics, send one or more for an early bath. I?m damn sure that once the word spread, it would concentrate minds wonderfully, provided the rule was applied consistently i.e. not one rule for Arsene Wenger and other such luminaries, and another for the Fulhams (yes, and Albions!) of this world. Let?s face it, anything?s got to be better than the farcical scenes we witnessed yesterday, events that did nothing whatsoever to enhance the authority or reputation of whistlers at any level, let alone the so-called ?elite?.

And that?s about it for today, which was spent by this column (plus ?significant other?) far removed from the tumult of the professional game; we simply decided to hop into the Dickmobile, and head on out for Sandwell Park Farm, a rural oasis of calm and peace (no, not Jeremy!) situated adjacent to the polluted and noisy madness of the M5, quite close to Dartmouth Park, in fact. It?s amazing how the two can co-exist in perfect harmony; when walking around, you really wouldn?t know the motorway was in such close proximity. If you?ve got kids (or even if you haven?t!) it?s somewhere that?s well worth visiting. Run by the council, it?s free during the week, with a small admission charge at weekends, and is, literally, a working farm, horses, rare-breed chickens, pigs, peacocks, swans, geese, sheep, the works, and using equipment and animal husbandry methods dating from the turn of the 20th century.

At the moment, one of the sows has just farrowed, and, if you go now as we did, you?ll see the real stars of the show, loads of little tiny piglets, not long in this world, all nicely cuddled up to a ginormous mum and sucking like crazy ? guess who didn?t bring their camera? - plus another sow complete with older ones in the next stall. You can even buy produce from the kitchen garden, all organically grown, and all scrumptious stuff. I know because it was the main constituent of my lunchtime salad today. Back tomorrow, when I?ll be looking at the Colchester game. Earnie?s Cup-tied, by the way, and our gaffer probably won?t want to risk Kanu, so it?s probably back to the old Horse/Dobes combo on Tuesday. Will we take it seriously, or will we put out what to all intents and purposes is a reserve side, I wonder? It?s at times like these I?m glad I?m not a betting sort of person.

 - Glynis Wright

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