The Diary

23 August 2004: Albion And The Media - The Start Of A Love Affair?

Welcome to the Pleasure Dome once more, and what a lovely bask I?ve had today in the media praise for our performance on Sunday. I don?t think I?ve seen one unfavourable comment on our football in any of the papers I?ve perused today (Daily Mirror, Guardian, E and S), and particularly interesting was Gordon Strachan?s analysis of our performance in the liberal broadsheet?s sports section. I?m rapidly getting the distinct impression that a good many pundits are now looking upon us with newly-found respect. A Premiership na?f we might have been two years ago, but it?s becoming increasingly clear that whoever the division?s whipping-boys might be this time (Crystal Palace, perhaps?), it certainly won?t be us. Should we give Spurs something to remember us by on Wednesday night, then my cup will be truly overflowing.

I was also tickled by our manager?s explanation on Sunday?s Match Of The Day for his somewhat startling change of image this time round; gone is the tracksuit of Nationwide days, and in its place is the old ?whistle and flute?, complete with necktie. (The fact both jacket and tie are cast aside within milliseconds of the kick-off is completely irrelevant, apparently!) Anyway, when asked about this by Baggies fan and presenter Adrian Chiles, he said, among other things, that now we were in the Prem, he was taking more of a backseat from the trademark touchline bawling, and becoming more analytical! Joking apart, I?m now wondering if this is yet another indication our leader is finally evolving as a manager? Certainly, we seem to be playing a more cultured brand of football at the moment, and long may it last, I say. Sure it?s early days yet, but to even report this has given me no end of pleasure, because it?s all I?ve ever wanted, of course. The same Meggo, but new and improved, rebranded, even? Bring it on.

There are deficiencies still to be remedied, of course. Goals, from proven goalscorers, are in short supply at the moment. No disrespect to The Horse intended, by the way, but I was disappointed we couldn?t clock up two or more courtesy of that brace of excellent chances served up for him on a plate. We really do need an additional striker; what would happen should Kanu get crocked, I hate to think. That, plus the return of Jason Koumas from suspension, would be the tonic so desperately needed by the troops, the missing piece in the Albion jigsaw, even. Dindane ? will he, or won?t be? One local radio personage has already asserted he won?t be coming, but knowing that individual?s track record as I do, that means he?s already got his bags packed, and his flight booked! Seriously, though, he might well have said publicly he doesn?t want to leave Belgium, but in football, a ?no? means ?maybe?. I?ve said that so many times over the three or four seasons I?ve been running this diary piece and, in the case of people like Big Dave, Jason Roberts, Houlty and ? eventually! ? Jason Koumas, I?ve been proven so right. We?ll just have to see how Anderlecht?s progress in the Champions League pans out later in the week. Whatever happens, if we do want his services, we?ve got to get his body on board before the transfer deadline, which falls a week tomorrow. After that, the next chance we?ll have is January, by which time (assuming a complete disaster, of course) our fate might well be well and truly settled.

A bit disappointing to hear today that Paul Sturrock, Southampton head-honcho, had left the club by what was charmingly described as ?mutual consent?. Sure, there were rumours aplenty he?d fallen out with his players, but to get what amounts to the bullet after so little time in the hot-seat is an absolute disgrace. I suppose his going means the rumour-mill will now be grinding like a thing demented about the chances of our leader getting the call to St. Mary?s, although when the Sundays were speculating upon the likelihood of him going yesterday, they all asserted Meggo wasn?t on Saints? wish-list. For what it?s worth, personally, I don?t think it could happen; what would he gain by leaving us and going to a club that?s not all that much ahead of us in Prem standing anyway? Here, despite one or two spats in the past, he seems to have the total backing of both board and chairman, so why would he want to go to an outfit where the potential employers have already demonstrated their willingness to push someone towards their P45 without giving them a fair shake at the job? As someone speculated on the Boing mailing-list today, all this might be a front to allow prodigal Glenn Hoddle to return. Judging from the rumpus the time Strachan left the hot-seat last season, I don?t think such a move would go down at all well with the natives. I suspect the next few days could well be rather lively down South.

Talking of the media, it was a tad annoying to see headlines in the E and S tonight concerning a punch-up that occurred in a Handsworth pub yesterday. The usual sort of report ? Football Supporters In Mass Brawl! ? not quite the headline verbatim, but you know the kind of thing I?m on about. What the naughty little tinkers didn?t make all that clear was the fact that the fisticuffs in that pub kicked off around three hours after the final whistle! Football-related, maybe, but the link?s tenuous, to say the least. Alcohol-related? Almost certainly. Oh, and another thing, the arrest-count at the game itself was pretty much nil, which, once more proved the almighty show of fuzz presence in Halfords Lane prior to the game ? 20 vans loaded to the brim with fully spurred-and-booted riot police plus their canine buddies ? was completely unnecessary. More constabulary revenue for Easyjet and Ryanair, methinks? Interesting also to note that at the ?V? pop festival just up the motorway from The Shrine, on the first day, the police cautioned 71 people for possession of illegal drugs, among other things (160 over the two days). I?m not sure whether the 49 actual arrests made were part of that total or not, but that?s still a hell of a lot of collars felt. Oh, and besides all that, between them, the plods confiscated enough illegal substances to get a small town completely out of its collective skull. Funny, but the silence from the media on such massive lawbreaking was absolutely deafening!

Sorry to make this sound like an E and S-bashing session, but I was particularly amused by their directions to Burnley last Friday night (belated info thanks to ?Im Indoors). I do realise that those poor Dingles, lacking the intelligence and initiative of their Premiership brethren down the road, might need specific instructions on how to get to away venues (the Star never provided a similar service for us last season, and still doesn?t for this one!), but you would expect the journo doing the research to at least get it right, wouldn?t you? Wrong! If you look carefully at the little map of the town they printed in Friday?s edition, they placed Turf Moor about half a mile from its correct geographical location. Sorry, chaps, but it?s not adjacent to Bromsholme Avenue ? try Brunshaw Road instead!

And finally?. Sticking to the media theme for a while longer, how many of you saw the excellent piece on Kanu in the Sunday Times Sporting Section? Not so much about his football for us, more to do with his charity work among African kids desperately needing heart surgery, but lacking the funds to get it. From what he says in that piece, he sounds like a Totally Good Egg in the mould of Big Dave, which can only be good for the club. We?ve had far too much negative publicity of late, so it?s marvellous to see one of our number getting bouquets from the quality media for a change. Kanu?s Christian beliefs shine through brightly, of course, and his arrival will be welcomed by both our man-mountain, and Zoltan Gera, who is also reputed to be one of the faith. What with this sudden influx of religion into the ranks, I suppose it could be said we now have our very own ?God Squad? at the club. I wonder if the Reverend Hipkiss will be taking those three for training in future?

I can just picture it; on the training field, there they are, Kanu, big Dave and Zoltan, in tracksuits, and The Rev kitted out in same, but with the addition of his best dog-collar and surplice, Communion wine and wafer at the ready. The barked commands:

?On your knees ? GO! Hands together, ten times ? PRAY!?

Big Dave and Kanu, together: ?Bless me, that?s a bit harsh, isn?t it, Your Reverence??

Zoltan: ?Ze religious Eenglish I not understand any some?.?

The Rev: ?Don?t you flopping well argue with me, or I?ll get The Gaffer Upstairs to zap you with an almighty thunderbolt?.. ?

(All three assume ?praying positions? arms raised in supplication, knees suitably genuflected, hands firmly together and pointed heavenwards)

The Rev: ?That?s good ? now, KEEP YOUR SHAPE?.?

Big Dave: ?Hey, gaffer, what do I do if the collection plate comes in on the left wing of the congregation??

The Rev: ?PASS the thing ? and DON?T FOUL UP THE COLLECTION!?

Zoltan: ?Ze prayers for ze Eengleesh football I no understand still ? my shape good ees, yes??

The Rev: ?Do try to keep with the flow, Zoltan ? now let?s try that set-piece once again, shall we? Ready? GO!?

All: ?Our father, which art in Heaven, hallowed be thy name???

Oh dear, must be the time of night, or something. Back once more tomorrow ? until then, be good.

 - Glynis Wright

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