The Diary

14 April 2004: The Den Ten Men, And Other Thoughts

Almost eighty years now separate us from the moment when John Logie Baird first managed to produce those first fuzzy images on a fluorescent-coated cathode-ray tube, thereby catalysing the development of one of the most important yet controversial discoveries ever to hit the human race ? television. Even the very name, a Greek-Latin hybrid, aroused the wrath of purists encountering it for the first time, and yet it?s through the lens of a TV camera we?ve witnessed some of history?s epochal moments, as per the assassination of President Kennedy, the Vietnam war, the first moon landing, and the first Gulf War. And, thanks to the attentions of Sky TV?s Rupert Murdoch, it?s also transformed the way we watch and follow football, and, I fear, irreversibly so. As The Noise pointed out to me the other day, how many of today?s youngsters, knowing nothing of the beautiful game pre-Premiership, can talk with confidence about players? achievements during the bad old days before satellite TV? As he so rightly says, most youngsters can rattle off Prem statistics, player-CVs, and so forth until they?re blue in the face, but of grand old clubs like Blackpool, Notts County, Huddersfield, even, they know little or nothing. The way Sky eulogises the Prem, it?s as if anything that existed pre-Rupert isn?t worth banging on about at all.

And there lies the paradox; although those of my generation largely resent the rampant commercialisation of the game that?s come into existence since the advent of Sky, being supporters of a club currently outside the charmed circle, we solemnly declare our undying love for all things Premiership, and want for nothing more than to resume our former top-flight status come the end of the current season. Our longing, our yearning, even, for this happy state of affairs to come to pass knows no bounds, which is one of the principal reasons the controversial events of yesterday rankle so much with everyone. I haven?t seen any footage of the incident leading to Tommy Gaardsoe?s dismissal as yet, but as far as I was concerned yesterday, there was sod-all going on inside that box that warranted it. As for the assertion that TG was pulling at Dichio?s shorts to the point of embarrassment, until someone shows me the precise moment it happened on videotape, I simply refuse to give it real credence.

The local boys are now saying Albion will more than likely appeal the dismissal ? in fact, as I mentioned yesterday, a ?little bird? tipped me off very late indeed that this would be the case ? so now we?ll all have to wait and see whether this will do the biz. I hope so, as TG?s suspension is due to come into effect the day of the Reading ?Vikings? thrash; how the hell can you stage an event in honour of your favourite player when he can?t even play that day? Should the appeal turn pear-shaped, I?d like to think he?d do a SuperBob and join us in the away seats. If you?re reading this, Tommy, come on in; we won?t bite you, and the water?s warm!

As for the other dismissal, which was for two yellows, I don?t believe there?s any avenue of appeal on that one, although I am very much open to suggestions to the contrary. What did annoy me about the whole thing was the relative ease with which Dennis Wise conned the referee. I could have understood it had Mr. Mathiesson been a newcomer to football at that level (remember Burnley, away, and a very similar incident caused, seemingly, by Burnley gaffer Stan Ternents?s constant intimidation of a referee only officiating at our level for the first season in his entire career?), but from what The Noise told me pre-match, this guy?s been whistling at League level for around eight seasons at least, and probably more. I would have thought that he?d be cute to the more elementary try-ons by now, but clearly, I?m very much mistaken. What annoys me so much about such controversy is that when referees get it wrong, although such errors can cost a club literally millions, no one ever seems to be taken to task for it. Why not, for heaven?s sake? There?s an assessor in the stand; these people are supposed to be culled from the ranks of retired but talented whistlers, so surely an adverse report from them, or, to ensure fairness, a series of adverse reports, should be acted upon accordingly.

When an obviously-wrong decision is made, then the person making that decision should be taken to task for it. It?s not just us; although not a Dingle-lover by any means, after seeing the TV footage of their game versus Bolton tonight, a microscopic portion of my little body did ooze a spot or two of sympathy for those twin penalty denials. OK, spot-kicks or no spot-kicks, they?re probably heading for the rockpile anyway, but as we all know to our cost ? remember last season? - being finally pushed over the edge by incompetent match officials? lax decision-making isn?t funny at all.

I?ve said it many times recently, but aren?t incidents such as those at The New Den (and The Tat Yard!) yet more proof that what we should be looking at right now is the introduction of new technology to make the referee?s life a whole lot easier? Had this facility been available yesterday, would Jason Koumas have walked, I wonder? Mind you, if Tommy Gaardsoe?s alleged foul on DD had been confirmed, but inside the box, then we might have been looking at a totally different outcome altogether, but I still believe the facility should exist. The general pace and speed of the game these days is far too much for one human being, plus his nervous and locomotor systems, to cope with. Other sports, rugby, cricket, accept and welcome such aids, so why not football? Or will it take some big-time cock-up in which Arsenal/Man U/Chelsea are the victims to finally change hearts and minds at FA HQ?

Oh, what a jolly time I?ve had over the last few days emailing an angst-ridden West Ham supporting pal of mine (thanks for all the stuff about Denis Wise, mate, but perhaps I?d be better leaving it well alone!), Tony Fowles. They are having a bit of a crisis at the moment, as despite huge gates, a new gaffer, and a wholesale restructuring following their relegation from the Prem last season, they still can?t get their heads around the First Division! Over the last few weeks, I?ve been hearing from Tony tales of manager Alan Pardew stoutly maintaining at Press conferences that his club were still in a position to mount a realistic challenge on both us and Norwich for automatic promotion, despite the existence everywhere of convincing evidence to the contrary. In fact, what with Wigan?s 3-0 win tonight, even their chances of going up via the play-offs are looking pretty rocky right now. It?s because of Pardew?s stubborn and constant denial the wheels are coming off his promotion trolley I coined the perfect nickname for the lad. What is it? ?Comical Alan?, that?s what! Having thought up that little gem yesterday, I then emailed Tony with a strong suggestion he use it in his own publication, ?Ironworks Gazette? ? and he loves it! As a matter of fact, he?s going to let it loose around some journos in the press-box at the next Hammers game, so if you see it in the tabloids soon, at least you?ll know where it came from!

Who was your man of the match yesterday? For me, it?s a close call between Big Dave and Greegs, although for sheer graft, AJ can?t be whacked, even if the poor sod was totally, after the game. Once more, Lloydy was instrumental in getting us out of a hole, but for me, the icing on the cake was the superb way in which we reacted to the crisis and finally dealt with it. Mind you, I do have to agree with our leader insofar as to say it would be even better were we not to land ourselves in those sort of situations in the first place ? but that?s football, I suppose. Any side that can hold their opponents to a gritty draw on their own turf whilst running short-handed very much deserves to win the glittering prize. It was worth it just to picture those Sunderland folkies, and the ?Oh, S***!? look on their faces when the news about the circumstances of our draw finally reached them. Priceless.

I don?t know about all you lot out there, but although it?s still only S-Day Minus Five, even now, my tum is enthusiastically doing aerobatics at the mere thought. As I see it, as long as we don?t lose, we?ll be OK. That loss of theirs at Portman Road yesterday didn?t half help our cause. Draw, and the points needed to achieve our goal shrink to a measly six; win, and ?P? will be a mere bagatelle. As The Mackems have an early game the day we take on Bradford, it?s possible we might have something to celebrate by kick-off time, should they dip. Sunderland will be without Jason McAteer, sent off during their semi-final with Millwall, which will help. At least none of those suspensions from yesterday?s shindig will kick in, thank goodness, and I assume we?ll be getting back the services of Hughsie once more; he does seem to blend awfully well with The Horse up front, and he?s a bit like the bunny in that Duracell advert; stick in a battery, and he?ll run, and run, and run?..

Trouble is, I am on the horns of a dilemma at the moment ? and it?s nothing whatsoever to do with the Viking helmets we purchased recently. What do I do if it?s hot up there on Wearside? Do I stick with my ?lucky? woollen jumper (ever since I started wearing the thing a few weeks back, we haven?t lost a game!) and sweat buckets, or do I go for comfort instead, and by doing so, give supernatural forces carte blanche to wreck the Premiership prospects of our favourite football team? Oooh, decisions, decisions!

Tomorrow, we?re off to Kiddy Branch SC to listen to Adrian Boothroyd?s words of wisdom. He?s the guy that writes in the Albion News, and I don?t know that much about him myself, so it should be quite illuminating to hear what he?s got to say. As per usual, I?ll make notes, then transfer those from book to PC to column for your delectation. Unless Kiddy branch say ?Nyet!? of course. It?s not happened yet, but there?s always a first time, I suppose. Back tomorrow with any scuttlebutt; until then, tara.

And finally?. This little gem came from one of the Millwall sites today. I?ve heard of people being searched by stewards before entering a ground, and I have heard of contraband being found on such folk, and the fuzz arresting them, etc. but this one, which happened yesterday, has me stumped all round. What happened ? and this is no word of a lie ? was this. One of their supporters, who had been staying with his sister over the bank holiday, attended the game, but brought with him his dirty smalls, all in a little plastic bag, as you do. As he?d arrived comparatively late, he was rather keen to get to his seat and take in the action, but before he could do that, one of their stewards stepped in and asked to see what was in the bag. Now I don?t know about you, but I would have a great reluctance to let a total stranger paw through my intimate garments - and this bloke clearly felt the same about it. A few (not heated) words were exchanged, the chief steward was summoned, and chummy was duly taken to the police post ? but rather than having a rational discussion with the plods about the matter, as he was led to believe would happen, his season ticket was taken from him instead! Needless to say, he?s not a happy bunny. His only avenue of appeal, apparently, is via the chairman of the club itself, and it?s not the first time jobsworth stewards have stirred things up in such a way, according to the piece. If I hear any more, I?ll let you know, but should you yourself be in the habit of taking your soiled undergarments into The Shrine on matchdays, you might well end up washing it in public!

 - Glynis Wright

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