The Diary

29 March 2004: Streptococci United 1 The Noise 0 (Extra Time Being Played!)

Oh dear, the latest news from the Lewis household is not good at all. This morning, I had yet another phone call from poor Jane, Martin?s long suffering ?other half? and the medical bulletin on our temporarily-mute co-editor is that he finally wobbled and sweated his way to his GP?s emergency surgery yesterday afternoon, and the affliction has now been given a name. Tonsillitis. With the medical equivalent of a side order of French fries and a medium Coke by way of addition, apparently. Mind you, any pathogen possessive of sufficient pizzazz to blast its way through The Noise?s oft-used mouth and tonsillar structures must be potent stuff indeed. Let?s just hope the major terrorist organisations haven?t got wind of it. According to his marital soother of fevered brows, he?s now taking enough penicillin to turn half of their local Tesco?s stock mouldy ? a ten-day course does suggest we?re not talking pharmacological pea-shooters, here - and the last I heard was Jane was popping out to the chemist to secure some easily-swallowed form of analgesia for the strangely-silent patient.

It?s the sore throat that?s the main problem, really; so painful, apparently, that normal functions like swallowing, eating or drinking present great difficulty. Talking? That?s off-limits as well; the absence of noise in their house right now must be absolutely deafening! I did suggest trying to get hold of some paracetamol in liquid form for the lad; I know for a cert that the major players do manufacture the stuff commercially, if only for kids, or perhaps the pharmacist might be persuaded to put some up in an adult dose as a one-off. Still give it seven days and I?m sure our croaky hero will be back in fine rattling fettle for the Ipswich trip. According to ?wifey? it wasn?t so much the fact The Noise had to miss a home game that annoyed him so much, it was discovering his affliction meant he?d dipped out on seeing Lloyd Dyer put his first in the back of the net for our club. Something tells me that trip to East Anglia on Sunday is going to be a long (and extremely noisy!) one.

A few more vagrant thoughts about yesterday?s game. As I mentioned just now, wasn?t it good to see Lloyd get off the mark for the very first time at senior level? If any player deserved a just reward in the form of a goal, it was he. Great also to see the genuine delight of his team-mates writ large as they rushed to congratulate him after that inaugural strike. The sheer emotion of the moment was perfectly encapsulated by a picture I saw in the Sunday Times sport supplement today: a mass of rejoicing players, Hughsie, AJ, Uncle Tom Cobbley and all, under which was buried the form of Lloyd, somewhere ? I think! How many times is it, now, that we?ve brought him off the bench to extricate us from some hole or another, and every time, he?s come up trumps ? and this time directly? He?s rapidly becoming what is now a rarity in the game, a genuine ?crowd-pleaser?; you can almost smell the whiff of mass-anticipation, coupled with excitement, that wafts around the ground in such great quantity every time he discards that tracksuit top, then pauses to listens intently to what Frank (plus cap and clip-board!) has to say. With enthusiasm and talent like that, I can only hope he doesn?t get discarded in the backwash of our seemingly-inevitable elevation to the top-flight.

Watching his recent wing wizardry and yesterday?s strike brought back all those lovely memories I have of Albion wingers past, Clive ?Chippy? Clark, Willie Johnson, and Laurie Cunningham. All three were supremely talented in the now-dying art of making dim-witted/clapped out defenders look like complete idiots, and two of that three at least were highly eccentric in their own interpretation of the noble art. Chippy? Willie? The former generally played with shirt outside and down to arse-level, socks rolled down to ankles, and sans shinpads (there?s absolutely no way managers would allow that to go on today!), while the latter delighted in tantalising opponents to the point when the committal of grievous bodily harm seemed highly likely, if not inevitable. Sometimes, Willie raised Cain just for the sheer hell of it. Laurie? A little more restrained in what he did; he just seemed to let his skill do the talking for him. Of one thing I?m sure, neither Chippy or Willie would have lasted five minutes in a Megson side ? too inclined to ?do their own thing?, I reckon. Laurie? I can?t say I ever saw him back-track to help out at the back that much, so I have to assume his continuation in an Albion shirt would have been unlikely also.

Another interesting aspect of yesterday?s victory over Palace was that unexpected revival of the Sakiri-Koumas issue. It?s old hat to those who visit The Shrine on a regular basis, of course, but for the benefit of those who don?t, it seems to have been tacitly accepted by our managerial and coaching staff that having the pair of them in the side and performing engine-room duties simultaneously is a luxury we can?t afford. Certainly, this season, we?ve rarely gone down that road; it?s always been an either/or thing, really. The rationale originally revolved/evolved around the fact that both are seen to be of similar ilk ? creative, lovely skills on the ball, a genuine threat to the opposition in dead-ball situations, can turn a game in the twinkling of an eye, etc. ? but when it comes to what our leader considers the ?real? stuff, lending a hand at the back in addition to the ?pretty-pretty? fancywork, then both yer men might be considered to be found wanting.

Of the two midfielders, it always seems to be our tame Macedonian that's omitted from our starting line-up, but that could be down to his second-string form to date. I have to say that Artim?s reserve performances haven?t exactly been convincing thus far (could it be he considers such basic fare beneath his dignity?) which is why I was so surprised he was given a start yesterday. Presumably, what with Scouse Jase?s seeming loss of form of late, a little creativity in the engine room was still deemed necessary, so ? who do ya call? And, to be fair to the bloke, over that opening 45, he seemed to fulfil expectations, and more besides. Had the Palace keeper not been as astute as he was in tipping that shot around the post quick-smart, then I suspect we might have struck pay-dirt far earlier than we did. As for that sublime corner of his, midway through proceedings ? wow!

Logic is now telling me we might be saving Our Tim for next season and those Premiership rigours still to come. As we all know from last time (as do The Dingles, now!) it?s not enough to just sit back and invite the opposition to test your defence, and hope you can catch them on the break. You need something more in your locker besides to both survive and thrive at that level. After watching that Arsenal Man U game this afternoon, I have to say the standard on display was positively frightening; do we genuinely think we can compete with that in our present form? A bit of creativity, class, even, is required urgently, which is what Our Tim can supply in heaps. Hell, we know he can do it, remember the last World Cup? With more time on the ball, and the overall standard of play being such that he might be spared the cruder opposition efforts to ?take him out?, he could really shine for us there. As can Jase, of course ? he was one of the few last season that genuinely ?looked the part?. The trouble is, though, being of such similar creative ilk, and both seemingly of the unshakable belief that ?defence? is ?de thing wot goes up in de back garden? would our leader dare cast caution to the wind and play them in the same side together? We live in interesting times.

Reading today?s sports pages, match reports, and so forth, I was quite astonished to read that Sven Goran Eriksson had taken the quite unusual step of calling up Norwich keeper Robert Green for the England squad. This, mark you, from a bloke who once said quite openly that under his regime, only Premiership players stood a realistic chance of England selection! I suppose everyone?s allowed to revise policy should they so wish, and as circumstances dictate, but my principal gripe revolves around the fact that while Sven has shown commendable open-mindedness in casting his England net wider than the top-flight for once, our very own Russell Hoult seemed to have been cold-shouldered completely. My charitable side is desperately trying to rationalise what?s happened by assuming that the continuing uncertainty about Russell?s fitness went against him when the England manager was looking for a decent custodian to act as back-up to the usual suspects. The alternative conclusion ? that Green, who has never played in the Premiership, to the best of my knowledge, is genuinely considered a better keeper than Houlty ? is so laughable, it doesn?t bear thinking about.

And finally?. One. This comes courtesy of my good buddy Anc. His question? How do you make an Astle cry? Easy ? just read on! Apparently, our little mate had the honour yesterday of sitting next to Dawn (nee Astle) and Mathew Furness, when Lloyd Dyer scored, upon which he ran into the aisle to get a good picture of the celebration as the players came running over towards the BRE/Halfords corner. As he returned to his seat punching the air in triumph Dawn turned to him and said, ?I?m so happy, I could cry for Lloyd!?

Said Anc, in his account, ?I had to admit, being the softy I am, I felt exactly the same. It?s rare these days that a player can make me feel so happy getting a goal, but the look on Lloyd?s face, Dawn?s face, and all the people and players around me said it all. Fantastic, Lloyd - you made my day!?

Two. Back again on Thursday night when Sutton Branch play hosts to both Craig Shakespeare and Don Goodman (how the hell Mandy, their secretary, constantly attracts such a stream of eminent sporting personalities and former Baggie people to their meetings, I can?t imagine!), and we?ll be there to summarise what transpires for posterity. Until then, tara.

 - Glynis Wright

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