The Diary

09 March 2004: Kiddy Kapers!

Oh, what a delightful place is Aggborough on an early March evening cold enough to give you goosebumps where you least expected them, and what?s more, with Villa providing tonight?s opposition, what a perfect opportunity to dig up all those withering comments about their players you thought you had no use for any more ? then proceed to use ?em liberally, as we went down 1-0?

Yup, when it?s local pride at stake, most reserve regulars are only too willing to cast off their normal state of second-string torpidity, and give it big licks on the old abuse front; let?s face it, we do have certain standards to maintain, don?t we? Certainly, the delicious prospect of a ninety-minute tryst with our near-neighbours, albeit at Premier Reserve level rather than the real thing, still managed to drag them out in droves. Among the familiar phizzogs seen in our vicinity were former GD Stroller Dave Watkin, miserly co-editor Steve, plus sprog, and Tim of Sutton SC Branch. Oh, and it wasn?t just familiar supporting faces we saw there, either: behind us, and seated in what passes for an executive box area at Kiddy were both Graham Turner and Richard O?Kelly of Hereford United, presumably running the rule over ours once more.

It wouldn?t be the first time; I have it on pretty good authority that ROK has been sneaky-beaky turning up at our training-ground, and keeping a weather-eye on likely prospects from afar. In fact, it?s probably more than just that; we strongly suspect young Simon Brown will become a Bull before too many moons have waxed and waned in the night sky. In fact, it might well happen even before the season?s final whistle is blown; clearly, the youngster doesn?t figure in our manager?s plans, and as he?s out of contract at the end of term, I suspect he?s already been told. An ideal time, then, to send him packing off to Edgar Street on loan with a view towards a permanent deal once the dust?s settled on ?03-?04.

The chilly Aggborough clime also did peculiar things to ?Im Indoors?s sense of humour, as if it couldn?t be made to twist even more crazily. It all started just after we went through the turnstiles; once inside, I decided to indulge in a hot chocolate and a Kiddy hot dog; as I?ve said before, their catering knocks spots off anything you?ll find at our place. Only a short queue to contend with, so after grabbing my wants and paying, I then looked around for my other half, but couldn?t see him anywhere. No problem: I simply reasoned he?d already wandered off with Steve The Miser And Son to grab a decent seat, so off I toddled in hot pursuit. And, try as I might, couldn?t find the sod anywhere, so I retraced my steps, and as I did so, ran into Steve and sprog once more.

?Any idea where Si?s gone?? said I, in puzzlement.

?Er ? I haven?t seen him since you got out of the car,? replied West Bromwich?s meanest (and po-faced!) man.

Now I may not be all that quick on the uptake, sometimes, but of one thing I was certain ? Steve had most certainly been with us when we went into the ground. Clearly, Something Was Going On, consequently, our resident miser got a very rude word indeed in return! And, turning around once more, there was my errant ?other half?, right behind me, and grinning like a Cheshire cat after smoking a huge joint. The pair of them had been in cahoots, and nearly wet themselves when I walked straight past without seeing either, then shot off in the direction of the main stand. ?Im Indoors thinks he?s got away with it ? but he hasn?t, believe you me. ?Vengeance is mine?, sayeth the Lord, and I crap you not, it won?t be at all slow in coming!

Time, then, to find us all a suitable perch for the next 90 minutes, which we did quite quickly, right in front of the aforementioned Tim, he of the two Albion flags all a-flutter right outside his house, and very proud of them he is too. And, as I got stuck into my nosh good and proper, out came the two sides. As far as we were concerned, the team sheet was very much as expected, but with one significant omission, which I will dwell upon in greater detail much later. I knew tonight?s line-up was very likely to be as strong as a World War Two German bunker, but grab a piece of this! Murphy, Berthe, Siggy, Volmer, Gilly, Brown, O?Connor, Clem, Sakiri, Dobes, and Skoubo. With the exception of Simon Brown, a side comprised of battered but highly-experienced old pros, who could probably give quite a few First Division outfits more than a little bother were they ever to play at that level together.

Villa? Their side consisted of up-and-coming youngsters, and all with a point to prove to their gaffer in the almighty scrap for those precious first-team places coming up for grabs in the near future. They?re also going great guns in the FA Youth Cup; as I understand it, they?ve got Blackburn, who in that competition thumped us 6-2, in the semis. Top of the Reserve league, they are, right now, and only one defeat the entire season. Us? We?re ecstatic having just gone five without loss. Quite a contrast, when you think about it, the fundamental difference being that with the coming of the summer, not a few of those players wearing the stripes tonight will be out on their ear, promotion or not. Either way, our squad will be broken up and put together again; what with that prospect, plus the fact it was a local derby, and more passion than is normally the case called for out there, it probably explains why our lot seemed more up for it than usual tonight.

Indeed, the game started at a frightening pace, and pretty soon, what might be described as ?overenthusiastic? tackles were going in left, right and centre. Unfortunately for Siggy, on around 20 minutes, one of these proved rather counterproductive, when going in on a Seal with rather more zeal than was intended, he managed to injure his knee, and had to come off, limping. And, just to literally add insult to injury, as he trudged off dejectedly, he was yellow-carded for his pains! Treatment on the sideline was attempted, but it was to no avail, and substitute Ross Adams had to take to the stage instead. I don?t know whether the patella in question was the one he damaged before, but it did look quite nasty, and I?m now wondering as to whether that?s the last time we?ll ever see the guy in a Baggies shirt: I believe his contract?s up come the summer.

And, as the game progressed into the second half, it really did look as though we?d be able to keep out the ravening Seal hordes, and at least gain partial revenge for the 5-2 thraping we got at Seal Park last autumn. We had our chances, they had theirs, but up to then, we?d been very much able to counter their threat - then Fate decided to play a hand in the proceedings. What happened? With around 20 minutes to go, Villa got a free-kick of distinctly dubious provenance just outside the box, quite near the goal-line, and on the near side of goal. Their player then lamped the ball over to the area just in front of the 18-yard line, and right in front of the target, and up came Whittingham to blast an almighty belter from around 25 yards. Poor Murphy had no chance at all, although it did cross my mind in retrospect that perhaps, we could have closed down the scorer a little better than we did. Still, I can?t argue, it was a cracking goal, even if it was bloody Villa who stuck the damn thing in.

As for the rest of it, Murph was outstanding in what he had to do; on several occasions his timely interventions and saves greatly frustrated our neighbours in their attempts to break the deadlock, then, later, to increase the score. Simon Brown? He must have known he was being watched, because he was also outstanding, despite being made to play on the right of midfield, which isn?t his thing, really. Skoubo? He really hasn?t been given a fair go at first team level; how the hell can you tell the true worth of a player by playing him only for 10 minutes or so at a time?

Certainly, like all Danish players, his ball-skills are good, but he?s also very laid-back in attitude as well, which is a trait shared by a good many Scandinavians who choose to pursue the beautiful game as a career; sadly for him, ?laid back? is a label something akin to ?serial killer? as far as our leader is concerned. James O?Connor? He huffed, and he puffed, but he certainly didn?t blow any houses down. And, talking about ?huffing and puffing? that?s precisely how poor Gilly looked towards the end, poor old sod! Those moments before the final whistle did see us trying desperately to grab an equaliser, but once more, poor finishing prevented us from grabbing something from the game late doors. Still, as entertainment, it wasn?t bad at all, and the local connection helped give the game a smidgen of added pazzaz.

Those final minutes were brightened also by Steve getting up to leave early. We suspected very strongly the reason for him doing so was because he had lots of money to count back in his car; when we first saw him, we handed over a nicely-filled bag, the contents of which rattled in a quite interesting manner ? interesting if you?re as parsimonious as our co-editor, that is! Or could it have been the conversation I had with young David around that time? What started it off was my telling Tim about some aspects of our Danish trip pre-season, and how well some of the locals treated us while we were there. As I did so, young David also butted in to say, ?I?ve only ever been to France!?

I simply couldn?t resist it; quick as a flash, I said to the lad, ?-Then you?d better persuade your dad to save up his money and take you somewhere else this summer!?.?

No sooner had the words left my lips, the effect on our stingy chum was astonishing; a bit like what happens when I say the word ?Chicken? to my four cats. Heads swivel, ears prick up, eyes widen to an astonishing degree. Steve isn?t a feline, of course, but the effect of the ?M-word? was broadly similar, and as I?d mentioned it in the context of spending some, as opposed to saving the stuff, I swear his face blanched to the colour of our players? shorts as well. One minute he was there, the next, hasty goodbyes were being said! Oh dear.

I suppose on the balance of things, Villa were worth the win; they took their chance, we didn?t, end of story. What puzzles me greatly, though, is this. Despite fielding a very strong outfit tonight, where on earth was Hughsie? The last we saw of him, he was being subbed versus Rotherham, and since then, we haven?t clapped eyes on him, not even on the bench. Not having played competitively for some time, I would have expected him to play some part in tonight?s proceedings at the very least, but of him, there was not a sign. I haven?t seen anything in the press to suggest he?s injured, either ? unless someone reading this knows better, of course?

Also surprising was the news tonight that Ronnie Wallwork had broken his toe while playing for Bradford. A shame, that, as he?d been doing so well for The Bantams whilst on loan, and had scored for them a couple of times into the bargain. Obviously, as the injury meant he was now about as much use to them as an ashtray on a motorbike, I reckon the administrators must have insisted upon his immediate return to The Shrine. Apparently, he?s been ruled out for six weeks, which effectively means his season is now well and truly over.

And that?s about it, folkies. Back again on Friday night, to run the rule over The Railwaymen ? unless something earth-shattering crops up, of course. Until then, have fun.

And finally?.. One. Nice of the Coventry gaffer to describe us as a ?big side? in his post-match Press conference. Thinking on, I haven?t heard of us being described in those somewhat flattering terms since the days of Ron Atkinson!

Two. A late news-flash, this one. After around 7 years in the hot-seat, former Baggies gaffer Brian ?Big Nose? Talbot has packed it in as manager of Rushden And Diamonds. Scuttlebutt is he?s after the Oldham job. Strange, really. I?d always assumed that provided he didn?t really land them in the smelly stuff, or do something terminally stupid like having constant rumpy-pumpy with the chairman?s wife or daughter, the job was his for life. That apart, I?d previously considered that what happened at Albion had totally killed stone-dead any ambitions he might have had of managing any other league club. Doesn?t the bugger know when he?s well off?

Three. A quick mention for our mate Dee, Mine Hostess of The Old Cross of Langley, who was due to start a job in the CLub Shop today. I did call in when I went to the ground to purchase our Millwall tickets this lunchtime, but couldn't clap eyes on her anywhere. I'm now convinced she's been spirited away by aliens or something, whilst in that stockroom of theirs. Any chance of a note to reassure us you're still alive, mate?

 - Glynis Wright

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