The Diary

25 April 2003: Scouse Reminiscences

Greetings, once again, and for those of you who are getting my daily missives as an attachment, welcome to my new, improved little home, complete with proper headings and mugshot, even. Great for frightening kids, isn't it? Unfortunately for the 'cut-and-paste' recipients, I simply don't have the means to give them parity of treatment, so for those who receive my missive in that format, until next season, as you're reading this, just picture me in a T-shirt standing in front of a bloody great termites' nest - it's about ten feet tall, in case you want to know - and with any luck, like our favourite football team, I may have the wherewithal to do better next term.

On to other matters, then, namely our game versus Liverpool tomorrow - and before my other half gets the chance to put his ten-pennorth in, yes, this time I'm quite sure it's Liverpool we're playing tomorrow, not bloody Spurs! It's been many moons, of course, since we last entertained The Reds on our own swarth; that, of course, was around three or four seasons ago, in the League Cup, when they beat us 2-0. The scoreline looks emphatic enough today, but in reality, it flattered the visitors something rotten, as our finest really gave them a run for their money for much of the game. Down the years, I've seen many an epic encounter between us and the Reds at The Shrine, but the one that particularly sticks in my memory is a First Division game over thirty years ago, around 1969, I think. Albion were 2-1 in the lead, the full ninety minutes were rapidly approaching, and it was looking pretty much as though The Baggies had got the two points safely in the bag. Now for the sickener, which those who currently berate the Premiership as being corrupt would find really interesting should the same set of circumstances ever occur today.

As it had been one of those hard-fought sort of affairs, it was tacitly accepted that there would be some stoppage time added on, but it soon became apparent to us all that the official in the black was extracting the urine in a big way; imagine the howls of derision from The Brummie, then, as the minutes and seconds of injury time ticked away.. Five minutes, ten minutes - and still no sign of the ref blowing that blasted whistle! Then, the inevitable occurred, Liverpool equalised, and the ref promptly blew for full-time, to the sound of full-blown fury from the groundlings, and an attack on the referee by an bewhiskered and distinctly doddery old age pensioner, walking stick and all, to the inevitable chant of "Granddad Aggro!" from our lot. Priceless..

Back to the future, then, and our line-up tomorrow? Well, one thing's certain, and that's the absence of Siggy at the back. Apparently, he's had to return to his native Iceland because of the death of his grandmother, which is eminently understandable. The problem is, we weren't particularly well blessed with stoppers before this happened, so I dread to think what we'll have to do to plug the gap tomorrow. Just as well, perhaps, that the season has nearly run its natural. We don't have a selection problem in the goalkeeping department, which is just as well, but for the above reason, that bloody defence is another matter. With Gilly, Big Dave and now Siggy absent, it will be a case of 'perm three from four', the candidates being Clem, Wally Wallwork, Greegs, plus - for strictly non-sentimental reasons, you understand - Des Lyttle. As Clem will no doubt be used at the back, our choice of wing-backs will have to include the distinctly out-of-form-and-favour Ify Udeze, with Igor on the right. Midfield? As you were, I suppose, Del Boy included, but I really dread to contemplate what Liverpool's finest will do to our vintage Number Four tomorrow. Chew him up and spit the soggy bits out? Something like that.. Up front, I assume we'll carry on with Jase and Deech, with Dobes on the bench again. Not that it matters any more, but in case you're wondering as to whether I believe we're in with a chance of getting anything come the morrow, the answer really has to be in the form of hysterical laughter!

Away from the Premiership for the moment, and a swift descent to The Nationwide where plans are afoot to make changes to the present format. You've probably read about them already, but I'll summarise what was agreed at The Bescot yesterday anyway. Just one thing, though - we're talking here of proposals, not full-blown decisions. The whole shebang is still subject to debate at the Nationwide's AGM in June (I think), and, because of lobbying by interested parties etc. might be watered down or even defeated come the final reckoning. First off, then, is the proposal to extend the present play-off structure from four clubs to six next season. In effect, this would mean that outfits finishing as low as eighth in the heap would be in with a shout of reaching the Big Time. How will it work? The idea is, the bottom four sides in the expanded play-off zone would play each other with the winners progressing to play the top two of that zone. The eventual victors would then play in Cardiff as they do now.

Should that resolution be accepted by the Nationwide clubs, it would certainly make for a pretty interesting season; pretty much every club in each division would be playing for something or another, thereby largely ending that end-of-season blight, meaningless games. Given we'll have a pretty big interest in what's agreed in the summer, if adopted, it may increase our chances of bouncing straight back, but on the other hand, I'm still trying to come to terms with the concept of someone like Walsall or Rotherham making it that way! Even The Saddlers Chief Executive Roy Whalley shares that view; he said in the E and S tonight that he did question the right of clubs finishing as low as eighth to be involved in the promotion issue. Given the trouble we had competing in the Prem this season, I'm inclined to agree. What's that saying, again? "If it ain't broke, don't fix it."

The other interesting proposal to come out of that meeting was the idea of docking points from, or relegating, clubs who go into administration to wipe out debts. As I understand the situation, the debate was prompted by what happened to Leicester City, who sank from the Prem last season with almighty debts, but then called in the men in suits, plus a certain Mr. Lineker, and have since managed to gain promotion at the first time of asking. I believe there was a train of thought at the meeting that felt The Foxes had taken that step as a convenient way of writing off their arrears, a move that generated a considerable amount of resentment from their Division One peers. I must say I'm surprised they feel Leicester have been given a 'get-out-of-jail' card by the administrators; my understanding was that once promoted, the burden on Leicester to repay their creditors would increase considerably, from 10p in the pound, to a stonking 40p. Because of that, scuttlebutt was they'd simply come straight back down again. Given the currently parlous financial state of the game at that level, it would seem to me that to ratify this one during the summer would be an exercise tantamount to turkeys voting for Christmas, but there may, of course, be other factors at work of which I have no knowledge. We'll see..

The last of the three proposals concerns salary-caps for Third Division players; 60% is the figure currently being bandied about. Not a bad idea in itself; we all know how hyperinflationary wage-bills have led to the financial undoing of more than one Nationwide club recently (not to mention a few Premiership ones!), but what bothers me is confining such restrictions to The Nationwide's basement only for one season. Surely this would put any Third Division outfit at an immediate disadvantage if promoted to the Second? No, to make it work, the restriction has to apply straight across the board, and right from the word go. Third Division clubs have quite enough to put up with without being used as guinea-pigs in some half-arsed experiment or another. Oh, and just in case you think all that's a bit radical, correct me if I'm wrong, but I believe baseball teams in The States have operated with a salary-cap for years?

And finally.. Just to remind you all that there will be a brand-new GD on sale prior to tomorrow's game; if you want your 'Dick-fix', just 'stop me and buy one' outside the Smethwick prior to the game. Subbers don't have to worry either, as they're posted. Mind you, earlier in the evening, I was wondering as to whether we'd get copies of our new issue at all. The problem, once more, was our mad Welsh printer, Paul. I crap you not, whenever he travels the length of the M4 and M50 to bring us our 'zines, you can more-or-less guarantee that some disaster or another will befall him on the way. Tonight, it was being stuck behind a large caravan-and-car combo for the entire length of the M50; what will it be next season, I ask myself? Given the virulence of the disease, my money is on SARS - or at least a strain of the virus that only affects the Welsh population; no, revise that last remark, one that only affects mad Welsh printers from Cardiff called Paul!

 - Glynis Wright

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